Honor: 0 [ Give / Take ]
20 entries this month
Looking Back
18:24 Jun 29 2008
Times Read: 972
This was within a conversation I had with my ex back in January:
"Yeah, Tommy, that's me. Miss Do Nice Things For People and Get Shit On In The End. Isn't that nice? I'm seriously starting to think about not helping people, including friends."
Like I would never be able to help my friends out. Hell, I take on most of their problems and ignore my own.
But that morning I had just kicked someone who I still consider a best friend right now. I'm still refusing to talk to her. I miss her like crazy. And honestly, I kind of wish she didn't come back into our lives.
You know what the sad thing is, she called me yesterday and left a message... She really does sound strung out now, and I really couldn't care less.
I don't know if it's from me being tired of all the lies and bullshit or if I just don't want to be around her anymore.
I still love her. I really do.
So why don't I care?
I'm sorry, Amanda. I feel like I failed.
17:21 Jun 28 2008
Times Read: 984
Well, I'm off to a baby shower that my mom's forcing me to go to.
Nice of her, huh?
Does she realize how depressed and anxious I am without being around people?
This is so not helping me.
None of us know this girl so why the hell are we going?
Mommy knows best, huh? I just hope I can make it through two hours without an anxiety attack.
God, I can't wait for my therapist appointment on the 7th! Why won't it hurry up?!?
Feeling Hopeless as Hell
00:00 Jun 28 2008
Times Read: 995
Got to love debt collectors! I have until Monday to get my name on Brett's account again and $50 and monthly payments of $50. Or I have to come up with $1050 in about two months and then $156 monthly payments.
"Wow, nice! When I have problems getting diapers at times! How the hell do you think I'm going to be able to do this, lady?!?"
There's hope for me yet, huh?
Sure there is. I'm so about to look into bankruptcy, add up all my bills and bills that came from me having Aurora, and see how much it comes to.
I owe like three $600 bills, a $3,500 bill, a $2,400 bill, another $3,000 bill, a $90 bill, a couple of $400 something bills, and quite a few other ones that I forget.
Think I have enough? That doesn't even include if Brett and I get married, the ones he owes from Nashville and things!
Never, ever, go to the emergency room without insurance!
And never, freakin' ever have a baby in a hospital without any coverage!
So much for a day of relaxation for me. I knew it was too good to be true!
Any advice on it all?
Relaxation
19:10 Jun 27 2008
Times Read: 1,000
I'm relaxing some today. Brett's not going to be home until about 10:30 tonight, hopefully a little sooner. Aurora's on the verge of going to sleep for her nap that people woke her up from way too early. Tyler went to his father's house for a few days. Grandma's home but upstairs on their side. I'm gonna be alone in peace and quiet.
I have clothes in the washer. I have things to pick up yet. Another load of clothes to do later today or tomorrow. I have lots of clothes to fold and put away but that won't take too long.
I think I'm going to sit back and rate profiles, post in the thread (like I planned), and possibly work on some images for my coven.
I also need to work on some of the pages and get them up and going.
I made a decision about wanting to give out a couple of positions within my coven too. I also want to give my mark to a few who have earned it. I'm gonna wait for a little before I do it though.
*smiles* Suspense is good sometimes!
This Weekend
16:00 Jun 27 2008
Times Read: 1,003
I'm watching Aurora sleep with her eyes open.
I still sleep like that from time to time and it's usually accompanied by me talking in my sleep. LOL! Brett can't tell if I'm asleep or not then.
I've got a somewhat busy weekend.
My landlord is doing our kitchen tomorrow, along with some other guys which may or may not include Brett.
My mom is dragging me to a baby shower. I can see some good in it. I don't even know the girl who's pregnant and neither does my mom but we will meet her. But seeing Aurora with other babies is always so priceless. The "OMG, there's more of me!" look is insanely cute! LOL!
I'm hopefully dragging Brett with me to see Meezy on Sunday. I miss talking to him and seeing him. He's awesome to hang out with and plus he needs me to update his site and add to it.
Also on Sunday, if they're not working on my kitchen, I might offer to let Brett get the guys together somewhere to play D&D. It's been over a month since our last session. I miss it and so does Brett. It's great to spend time playing beside him.
Hell, if I have my way, I'm going to be spending as much time as possible with my Brett Brett within the next couple of weeks.
I miss spending my time with him.
As for today, I'm going to be online rating profiles and posting in the forum for a little while. Then I'm going to clean some, if Aurora allows me to. *sighs* I wish her teeth would come in already.
OMG OMG OMG!!!
22:16 Jun 26 2008
Times Read: 1,032
Wow! I just got Cancer's mark!
I can't believe it! I'm wondering what I did to get it...
Thank you so much Cancer!
"Cancer
Jun 26 2008 - 14:27:20"
I saw that on my "Last 10" and I thought "Oh wow, I thought I deleted that coding from my profile."
*About a week ago I got a message saying I had an illegal code by VR terms of service on my profile. It flipped everything on the page.*
I went to my "See who has Rated you" page to see if he left any kind of comment or anything at all.
Nothing...
So decided to go to my profile. I wanted to see if it was suspended.
Nope...
Look at the menus.
Everything was in the right spots.
Saw the mark. I couldn't believe it. I looked at the user name to make sure it was me. Looked at the mark. The user name again. The background. The test. The mark of the Prince.
I screamed!
What else could I do?
I can't wait until Brett gets home! LOL! I ran and told my 75 year old grandma, and I wonder how much of what I was rambling on she caught... LOL!
I'm a hyper, excited Tiffy that can't believe she got Cancer's mark!!!
Thank you again, Cancer! You made my day!
Now to go post another thread in the forum! Hehe!
Thought of the Day
19:24 Jun 26 2008
Times Read: 1,035
I just watched Atonement again.
I can't believe it still makes me cry at the end even though I've seen it over 15 times now.
I think that might be from some of the things I've done in the past that I regret.
I wonder if I've destroyed someone's life somehow...
Forum Posts Update
07:02 Jun 22 2008
Times Read: 1,056
Total Posts to Public Forums: 153
My goal was to do 60 today. I didn't get anywhere near that many done but I did get 25 done which is good for me. I only have to get to 241 posts before the end of the 29th to get my position back as Sire. If I keep this up, I will have it.
I'm confident with the way the two threads I started yesterday on Automatic Writing and Book Tests have been going, I'll be able to get my count up in time.
Nothing like becoming the teacher who drives people into actually thinking about a topic, huh?
I loved those teachers in high school though!
18:23 Jun 21 2008
Times Read: 1,067
Why does it seem that moogles make everything seem right in this world?
God, I want a moogle!
They make everything all better!
00:52 Jun 21 2008
Times Read: 1,071
The wireless is crapping out and I'm so off schedule.
Tomorrow is for the coven. I don't care what else gets done...
It's for the coven and posting. I hate to tell Brett but he's on baby duty. He needs to spend time with her anyway. It just means I won't be spending time with him.
*sighs* It's not like that's much of a change.
Let's Make Some Time!
01:29 Jun 20 2008
Times Read: 1,077
My schedule so far for the weekend is...
Remember everyday I have to make sure Aurora gets all of her meals, including cereal and different veggies. Plus she has to have tummy time, bath time, play time, story time three times, video game time (She has a v-smile baby unit), walker time two times and nap time which has been a fight and a half lately.
Today: Cleaning Living Room and Center Room... some time for VR.
Tonight & Tomorrow: Preparing threads and making posts.
Saturday:
8 am - 2 pm: Coven Business.
2 pm - 4 pm: Tiffy Time (Probably lying down for a nap or reading my book).
4 pm - Night: Time with a Brett Brett and Aurora.
Sunday: The benefit for my Uncle Jeff. Posting some in the forum for sure. Possibly going to see a Court Court.
Then I have an appointment on Tuesday with my regular doctor, an appointment with the therapist July 7th, and then an appointment for my heelcords July 31st.
I still need to make an appointment to get my birth control switched over.
Dancing in the Light
03:01 Jun 19 2008
Times Read: 1,083
Wow! I'm listening to New Kids on the Block right now!
Haha! Dancing with Aurora and my Tyler Brat!
Sha-Na-Na, Michael Jackson, Toy Box, and other different bands with up-beat songs... LOL!
Updates on Status
14:12 Jun 18 2008
Times Read: 1,088
I'm working on getting my status up. I found some motivation and that is that VR is my outlet. It always has been since I joined.
I got in 15 posts yesterday and started a thread in the main forum that's never seen the light of VR before. That made me feel a little happy for bringing something new to the table.
I'm hoping to get another 10% on my status today from forum posts.
I've found some other topics I haven't seen on here before. I'm just wondering how to word them appropriately so they don't get moved to the Sandbox.
They each have to do with the paranormal though!
I have 16 more posts to go today and I will get my goal. And then I will only have about 100 more posts to go before I get my status of Sire back! Woohoo!
But I got to set some more time aside to read my book. I want to read but I'm trying to get this up and cushioned before my time's up.
Right now I'm 43% Necromancer (Level 27) so I only have 60% to go before I am Sire and about 20% more to give it a little cushion.
Nice, huh?
I've also been helping other people with status questions.
Comtemplations
21:19 Jun 17 2008
Times Read: 1,107
I'm thinking of disbanding. I'm not sure yet. If I do, I will start up the Darkened Forest again at a later date.
I was getting the motivation to fight for Sire.
This afternoon I lost it.
My Uncle who's been like a dad to me is probably going to be dying sometime in the next few months.
Right now, I just want to hide.
I can't even cry... my Grandma doesn't know yet. And Brett's at work so I'm watching Aurora and my seven year old nephew, Tyler.
I'm hiding in The Chronicles of Narnia. Brett got the series for me and a booklight so I can read when Aurora's sleeping. But I've been reading mostly when I can't sleep at all.
If I do disband I will be talking with all of my members.
Brett's disappointed because he knows how hard I worked on it. How happy I was when I started it. He's seen the progress I've made.
I don't want to trap my members in a society they don't like though or one that's not active.
Even if I get my status of Sire back soon... I will still be comtemplating about disbanding or not.
I'm Gonna Miss Him!
18:40 Jun 15 2008
Times Read: 1,115
Jared's leaving sometime soon, probably within the next week. He's moving to Maryland. Brett and I are going to be missing him like crazy. It's insane to think about how much he has helped me heal from the past. He's always been there for me. We're close. I can actually talk about what's happened to him, even with details, and he's never disgusted or uncomfortable about it. He's always gone silent but it isn't a bad one.
Last night, we were supposed to be going to Wal-mart but never made it. He was supposed to be leaving on the 18th. We were near his house... I couldn't pass up the opportunity of seeing him. God, I've had a huge crush on that boy for years! Still kind of do... Brett knows it.
I'm glad Brett doesn't really get jealous. I'm really happy about that. I'm a person that loves to hug and cuddle with people I'm close to, which isn't many. Jared and I were hanging all over each other and we didn't really give a shit. I wouldn't have cared if Brett was jealous about it because Jared and I have always been like that and always will be.
I'm really happy Jared's getting out of here. He deserves it more then anyone and I'm hoping he gets his life straightened out. He's talking about it. But to get out of the Ohio Valley is a blessing to him.
Yes, I'm going to miss him like crazy! I can't deny it! The whole thing is eating away at me. I want him to stay but want him to go more. I'm going to support him though.
I love him and he needs out of here! ♥
PRIVATE ENTRY
18:50 Jun 14 2008
Times Read: 1,120
• • • • PRIVATE JOURNAL ENTRY • • • •
Yay!
23:34 Jun 05 2008
Times Read: 1,134
I guess starting tomorrow, Brett and I are tearing down our kitchen walls ourselves.
We're tired of waiting...
Our landlord made a good deal with me.
I so need to talk to Brett tonight.
And see if my Gram is up for watching Aurora for a while tomorrow...
Thank god Brett only has to go in for a little bit.
We can probably get it done in one day with us working straight through.
I don't know how long for sure though. I know all the moving of furniture and taking down the cabinets made my arms swell some and for me to lose some weight.
The Friendly Rat
08:40 Jun 03 2008
Times Read: 1,150
I don't think my legs could hurt anymore. Brett and I just got done taking down all the cabinets in our kitchen and took almost everything out of it.
Tomorrow morning, we're taking the rest of it out and starting the task of gutting it.
In the morning, before we start, I'm going to take pictures.
I swear our kitchen was cut out of a crack house where they wanted to see how many layers of paint they could pile up on old ass ghetto tile that's like some foam ass wallpaper shit.
Someone wanna help us? LOL!
And we found a friendly dead rat. I already told it good night. Haha! It's my friend now. Wanna poke it?
I think I need sleep.
Forum Post Mania!20:09 Jun 01 2008
Times Read: 1,176
Society Mess, six are in jeopardy, including mine! Wow!
I'm not the only one that got the after affects of the forums or what not. Out of everyone who has a coven, five of us are back at level 27... and one was actually kicked down to level 26.
I guess it's time for us all to hit the main forums and bring up our status yet again.
Here is the link to "When a Sire looses a level." It might help other people out at this time.
I'm at 63% and by the end of today, I'm hoping to at least get 10% added to it.
My nephew came up though so I don't know how the hell this is going to work.
Ahhhhh!
17:22 Jun 01 2008
Times Read: 1,190
Cancer, what's going on? I got my sire position back when he fixed the last coding script problem with the status.
Now when I signed in... I found this:
Your Status: Necromancer (Level 27)
You have completed 63% of this level.
Pages Viewed Score: 29 x .30 = 8.7
Time Spent Score: 29 x .50 = 14.5
Ratings Score: 28 x .10 = 2.8
Posts Score: 16 x .10 = 1.6
Score: 27.6
Referral Points: 9
Referral Modifier: 1.001
Mark Bonus: 0%
Mark Modifier: 1
Total Score: 27.63
Ratings Score: 28 ( 17203 of 14167 or 100% )
Post Count Breakdown
Main Dark Network Forum: 161
2008 VR Meetup Forum: 1
Gothic Cruise Forum: 0
Total Posts to Public Forums: 162
What the hell is going on? I was a sire still last night when I signed in then and that was at 2 something in the morning. What's going on?
30 days to get it up if it's not a mistake from the coding or something. 30 days is enough time I think.
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