DireConsequences's Journal
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6 entries this month
Old Stuff Off Profile
21:56 Jan 16 2007
Times Read: 828
*~*I will not be logging onto Vampire Rave that much. I recently moved to Nashville, TN from a small town in Ohio. I am living with fyrestrike and we are doing great, just currently ill. LOL! Who isn't? Anyway, I thought I would update this a little since I cannot sleep. Thank you. Later... (added December 13, 2006)~*~
I'm 19 and I'm bisexual. Please do not ask me to cyber with you and do not expect me to worship the ground you walk on. It will not be happening any time soon, you will only have false hope. There is only one person I have feelings for and I am his! I have many things that I have done within my life, but none of them too interesting. There is nothing at all special about me, or I don’t see anything when I look at myself. I only have five very close friends that I trust completely out of everyone in my life. So I guess its pretty safe to say I have commitment and trust issues (who doesn't have these problems somehow apparent within their lives). So if you have actually read all of this then congrats, because most people don't actually read others profiles. And if your one of them then don't bother commenting me, sorry if I don’t reply but I have been very stressed out and I am dealing with many personal issues right now. If you know me then you probably know what I am talking about.
Since many people ask me what I am attending classes for, the answer is Multimedia and Graphics Design, Web Site Design, and E-Commerce. It seems like a lot but there is only about 7 to 9 course difference. The homework load is huge so if you send me a message, I am sorry if I do not reply very fast, but I might be trying to do some of it. I am very sorry for multi-tasking but I will reply to you. Just give me a little time. Thanks.
The Past and Present Me20:51 Jan 16 2007
Times Read: 833
It is amazing to see how much a person changes through out the years. I do not like what has been contained within my past but it is because of those experiences I am who I am today. I feel the same about my friends when I see them in pain and misery. I wish I could take their pain and make it my own so they do not have to suffer. But it is the same for everyone, if we did not have the pain of the past then we would not be the ones we are today. I took this picture for myself because I did not realize how much I had in fact changed. The result is a little disturbing for me to look at because it tells how much I have went through in the years that separate the two girls. The girl in the pink dress is me. I hated that dress but I was seven in that picture. The other girl, or woman now, is me again as I am today.
I am even more different then I have ever been, for the better though. I no longer have my security scissors and no longer having the urge to cut except for a few nights where I think way too much and those thoughts get to me. I have stopped leaving things get to me so much and have faced that I need to come to terms with the past because it is not the present and I have some control and can make it so my life does become like it was. I have the power to do it. But one very wise friend informed me (summarized) emotions and thoughts can never be controlled but are the product of each other.
Some of my Dislikes
20:38 Jan 16 2007
Times Read: 835
Not knowing if the ones you love are okay, whether they are hurt or not, and never knowing for sure until they come home,
people who don't understand the concept of a freakin turn signal,
the light, people who pose, St. Clairsville High, the sun, bright headlights especially in the middle of a walk at night (you kind of feel like a deer in the spotlight, paralyzed because of the unknown), authority, back stabbers (especially those ones of your own relative and those who used to be your best friends or pretended to be your friend), George W. Bush, people who think they can control you, sexis-, racism, homophobia,
lairs, CHEATERS, and many more things that I just can't think of right now.
I know some of my dislikes include people of certain labels. But who in the world can honestly say they do not label others? We should not do itn.. true. But are we not always comparing others and labeling them... the answer is simple, YES. Like I said above in my section about labels, we miss a lot of people's true self because of petty labels. It is impossible to do though if you think about it. It is in human nature to label others. Whether it is a tribe labeling another tribe and declaring war upon them or people declaring they do not like or hate a certain stereotype.
Some of my Likes20:36 Jan 16 2007
Times Read: 837
MY MEANIE MOUSE!
CLICK THE IMAGE TO SEE WHO HE IS!!!!
MY FRIENDS, especially those ones mentioned on my profile even though all of them mean the world to me :-)
Bondage Courtney
Gerard, the night, the darkness which calls me, vampires, Billie Joe, mystery, writing, Bert McCracken, Kurt Cobain, pain, blood, the color black (because it represents death), the color red (especially dark crimson red it reminds me of blood), guys kissing guys, candy, cemeteries, Happy Bunny, SCOOBY DOO, rain (but not storms), fire,
the thought of Courtney finding happiness,
the thought of violet (Mandy) finding
happiness,
BONDAGE DUCKY!!!!!!!!!!!
COME ON YOU GOT TO LOVE HIM HEHEHEHE,
drawing,
writing and reading poetry,
walking during the night with friends (the only ones I trust now), Family Guy, Futurama, The Simpsons, being bitten, biting, etc...
Oh and I love roses. It may have to due with the fact that they are so beautiful and even with imperfections they are still gorgeous. Also it may have a little to due with the fact that my middle name is Rose. Lol. All three reasons are important to me but the last one means less because even if my middle name was not Rose I would still love them.
My Friends Who Mean a Lot to Me20:24 Jan 16 2007
Times Read: 839
I spend a lot of my time on vampirefreaks, but more so now vampire rave because I have made some friends on there and here that I have made bonds with and talk to often about my problems and I can trust them fully or at least to my knowledge right now. I am shy and I don't like people very much. In fact if I had my way, I would live by myself with no one around except my computer and notebooks. I could not give up my computer because I do have friends that mean the world to me and I would have to keep in contact with them somehow. They have helped me more then they will ever know, especially Richard, Courtney, Jared, Mandy, and Eric. If it was not for Courtney and Mandy being there for me over these past months, I would not be here now. Courtney is very special to me because I know no matter what happens she and I will always be friends forever. Mandy, I don't know what happened there but she is still very dear to me even though I now feel I cannot forgive her. But in my heart there is always room for forgiveness for those who have stopped me from taking my life. She may have done something and I may not understand why but she always has a place in my heart as a friend for life. And if it was not for Eric, I would still be cutting and wanting to die. But he has made me more determined to live. (Eric is a friend of mine that is overseas and he is on duty in Iraq. :-( I miss him dearly and just want to talk to him except he no longer e-mails me to tell me how he is, so now I consistently worry about him.) Richard was a friend on here. He no longer talks to me but I will always think of him as a friend. I think of him as one because how much he has helped me and for how much he was there for me when I needed him. Maybe there was a reason we left on sour terms, but I hope to one day patch things up with him and be friends again. And last but not least, Jared. He is a special friend to me because he understands how I feel and he can predict what and when my thoughts occur. He has hunted me down in the night and faced his own fears to make sure I was safe and away from harm. I'll never be able to repay these five people for all they have done for me. I hope that they can see and understand this one day. One friend I met on here who I hurt very deeply not meaning to is Shirley. She was an awesome friend who was always there to talk with and listen to my problems and helped me through them as best as she could and I did the same with her. She always cheered me up with her personality even when I had what seemed the worst day. I'm happy I met her. Another friend that means the world to me on here is my friend Misty, you may know her as KissXofXdeathX. She is an awesome friend but don't let her age fool you. She is very mature and very experienced in life for being so young. She is a beautiful individual who has a lot to offer anyone in a friendship. She has been a great friend to me and many others on here and I love my conversations with her always. Also another sweetie that everyone should know on here was Stephan (OverlyCharming). He was awesome and always managed to put a smile on my face even when I was sad and depressed. He was so caring and loving and always tried to put my problems before his own. But he needed to realize that I have to work through my problems on my own with a little bit of help from friends. I was ever so grateful for the friendship he offered to me and I hope he does stay in contact with me. A great friend who means a lot to me is Adam aka vamp3434. He has made me think to a degree that no one has made me think yet. I feel I can talk to him about anything and that he is truly here for something. I just wish he finds the path he is destined for and gets what he seeks in life. He deserves it for helping everyone he can and for making the world a better place. He is really special and I love him like a friend for it! Thank you Adam for everything!
To all of my friends, here is a rose I wish I could give you more. *HUGS* I hope you each get what you wish for since each of you truly deserve it.
Quotes That Mean Something to Me
20:21 Jan 16 2007
Times Read: 841
~"I thought I had felt true love before, I was wrong. For now I know what true love is, it is more then I could ever have dreamed up in my head, all the emotions, all of the rush. I love him more than anything and with that dream I will never give up."
Written by Me~
~"I believe he wanted no chilling moments, no one to witness his last breath and be haunted by it, the way he had been haunted by his mother's death-notice telegram or by his father's corpse in the city morgue.
I believe he knew that he was in his own bed, that his books and his notes and his small hibiscus plant were nearby. He wanted to go serenely, and that is how he went."
Written by Mitch Albom in Tuesdays With Morrie~
~"To pretend something never happened is to deny yourself the chance to become stronger and wiser."
Written by Me~
~"The dove still cries it's bloody tears as helplessness and hopelessness falls over it. All the dove asks is for others to look at the pitiful condition of the world."
Written by Me~
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