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I hate my asthma so damn much. I was admitted to the hospital on Saturday morning. I used my nebulizer around 8am and by 10:30am, it didn't matter how shallow or deep I tried to breathe, it felt like I was drowning. Aurora got my mom and told her she HAD to take me to the ER... I mean, I'm alive. I'm still not over being sick and I have to use my nebulizer every 4 hours instead of every 6. I feel like shit.

Scary part is... back in March, an xray of my lungs showed bilateral markings that suggested possible scarring of my lung tissue. I explained this to my new pulmonologist since the one I've had since I was around 16 years old retired. New one doesn't feel the need to do a CT scan to see just what the markings are based on my age.

The xray from Saturday? The bilateral markings are still there along with increased markings and inflammation of the tissue and has now been documented as "probably chronic."

I know enough to know if it's progressive scarring, it shortens my life expectancy and changes my life insanely. My mom worked in long term care and I might not be in the medical field but I've paid attention over the years.

I'm not scared to die. I want that to be known.

I'm scared of leaving my daughter because I know she's no where ready to be on her own.

The doctors at the hospital thought I was insane. They started talking about if I wanted to be an DNR.

Nope, I want everything done to bring me back. I have to live. I have to live out of spite.

When asked why spite...

Simple.

I have to out live my abusers.

Enough said.

COMMENTS

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TheAbyss
08:25 Dec 18 2024

hope you feel better my best friend has copd and asthma ugh

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