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15 entries this month
Negativity
23:43 Aug 31 2007
Times Read: 950
I seriously hate my stomach being in my chest right now. I just got done vomiting to the point nothing but acid and a little bit of blood was coming up. I had to eat a roll to get something on my stomach after and now I can't lay down. If I do, I will be asking to begin puking again. *sighs* I hate all my stomach problems. I might have to go see a doctor about it and I am waiting until it is absolutely necessary to do so. I don't care to cost more money when we are seriously going to be tight on money for the next month or so.
Since I can't lay down and can't keep balance, I am sitting here on the computer typing this out. I might as well do something and at least the house gets some favors from my misery. LOL! Sad but true.
My car is at Dell right now. We had to drive it up there last night since it was going to get towed by the apartment complex today. Tomorrow night, we are planning on driving it to Clarksville, where it will sit on Anthony's grandma's property. I am hoping she won't have a problem with it, praying actually. We just need to have a place to stash it until we have the money for the registration and tags and everything. I really, really don't want to get rid of my car, it's my first and I feel like it is part of me.
I haven't been able to clean for a while now. I can't stand for long periods of time or sit for over an hour or an hour and a half, at the most. I have been cranky towards Brett, not meaning to. I have been just overly emotional and feeling like I can't do anything at all anymore. It's depressing me more and more.
To top it all off, the whole sex, teasing, and/or playtime thing is still really getting to me. I have talked to Brett about it, even talked to him about it last night and again today actually. It's like I am trying to make a miracle happen... or that's what it feels like to me.
Am I so horrible for wanting to have sex and to feel his touch right now? I just keep on wanting it more and more. And as the days pass, it just seems to get more and more out of reach. It makes me feel horrible. I get upset and angry about it now. I feel like I am behaving like a spoiled little brat that is throwing a tantrum to get her way. But that's not the case! My mind keeps on saying though, that's how you feel so it must be reality! I just want all my emotions to go away for a little bit.
I seriously don't know what I would do if I didn't escape to Vampire Rave, movies, books, and just anything and everything that I can. I hate feeling unattractive and seriously despise my own self-pity at this moment. I feel like Brett doesn't want to touch me anymore, maybe that's one reason why I have been wanting to cuddle with him so much. I haven't even been going to bed with him like I normally do. I feel like if I can't have sex with him while he is awake, then I refuse to have sex with him while he is asleep. Because when it does happen and we have sex when he is asleep, it makes me dwell more and more on the lack of sexual attention between the two of us. I feel like he has to be asleep to even be able to touch me sexually. I know that isn't the case but I can't help but think it when it goes on time and time again like this.
Get Going!
16:08 Aug 29 2007
Times Read: 952
Rate, rate, rate...
Tiffy must get her prego butt rating.
More pages viewed, more profiles and portfolios to rate, get your butt on the move!
Thinking
03:52 Aug 28 2007
Times Read: 953
I have been pondering starting a coven when I do reach sire on my own since the societies were put into place. I am still a little ways away from it. If I could get my pages viewed up more and also gain a level or two in forum posts, I would be good to go.
I don't want to leave my house though. I am partial to it. I don't like when other's have more then one account and each account is "hooked" to another society. Doesn't that make the person bias? But I am thinking about talking to Daire about being inducted into the same house I am in now after I create another account; the House of Caomhnoir-an-Eolas. Then I would leave the house under DC (this account) and start a coven of my own. But that way, I could start the coven, stay in my house, and benefit my house even more because I would be gaining status and favor more and more then what I do now. It would work out on both ends, I think. Only problem is I would have to be careful of not getting inducted into another house/coven before they could do it. I might be putting this plan into action next month since I don't have the money for a premium account this one. *sniffles* I wish I did but oh well. It won't take me long to glide through the lower statuses for sure... might get caught up when I get to the higher ones though.
Baby News
13:59 Aug 23 2007
Times Read: 954
I get to know what gender the baby is today! Yay! And it's the first time Brett gets to see his baby on the screen!
God, I love him and I am excited!
I got to pee really badly!
OB Appointment & Contest Sponsored by House Eternal
09:06 Aug 22 2007
Times Read: 955
My appointment is today. (Ekkkkkk!) It's at 1:30 p.m. and you better best believe I will write a journal entry about what the doctor says. I will probably place it in a scroll box at the top of my profile as an update on my pregnancy.
I can't wait to get to the office and see what all is going on. But at the same time, I don't want it to come. I want some excuse to run away from this. I am terrified I might find out something I don't want to know. Or that I will be due within the next month! That would defiantly make me feel like I am in a corner being trapped.
Only time will tell on this one. That's what I keep on saying to myself but it isn't helping or calming me down any. I can't even sleep right now because I am so anxious to get this appointment done. I know I should sleep but I can't, I'm not tired.
I have also been thinking of ideas for another VR banner and a couple of house banners for the contest being put on by House Eternal. I am learning how to use Fireworks better, since I never really had the chance to explore it before.
I got Daire permission to use images of Katz in my banners. I thought it was a good idea considering Katz is responsible for the Irish Boxer being a representation of our house. I found a couple images of him that I really, really liked so I am trying to incorporate them into the projects. It's kind of fun to see how they end up.
I will probably post my attempts in here before I place them in the main forums for consideration. I already posted the one in the entry before this. I have decided I will enter it. Why not? It was a really good attempt and it might just win. I would be happy to gain the favor for the house.
:-)
Really happy for it! But even if I don't win, I am learning a few techniques and more about a couple of programs. That's something!
So Far05:46 Aug 21 2007
Times Read: 964
Last night, Brett and I went to Wal-mart to just get out, buy a few things for me for the hospital trip, and to get a few necessary things for the baby. I actually liked doing it last night! It cheered me up some but it made me hurt like crazy... I am thinking that the next time I go to Wal-mart or Kroger Co., I will get one of the scooter things so it isn't so hard on my belly, hips, legs, and back. I got a nursing bra along with other things. I am hoping the bra helps with the curvature on the upper part of my back. If not, it will come in handy for when I have the baby since I am planing on breastfeeding for as long as possible. We got the baby a car seat that's convertible, mittens, caps, crib sheets, a swaddle, and some other smaller things.
After we got home, we watched Family Guy and then laid down for bed. Brett made me mad because he said we would talk last night and we never did. He hasn't even read the journal entry from before he got home yesterday.
Soon after we laid down, my night turned into a nightmare... plain and simple. I fell asleep for about ten minutes. When I woke up, I was in extreme pain. My sides, belly and legs were cramping badly. I tried to wake up Brett but he didn't even wake up when I hit him. That scares me because what if I would have went into labor and couldn't get him awake? But I got the cramps to settle down enough to make it into the shower to get warm water on the muscles. I went and turned on the heat in the apartment to 85 degrees. Got him up finally, and laid under three blankets just trying to wait it all out. I really hope tonight isn't so bad.
Today, I am hurting and tender but nothing bad or to complain about. My hips feel like they are numbed and my feet are cold. The cold feet thing is why wool socks come in handy! Hehe!
I showed Brett a little game this morning... I think I shouldn't have done it! I showed him that when I poke or press on my belly now, the baby usually responds back in the same spot or close to it. Hehe! I like playing with my baby! I am thinking about reading fairytale stories to it every day until it's born. I already talk to it and have been forever now it seems. I don't think I will bore of being a mommy! LOL! I never became bored or too frustrated with Tyler and I was always around him and took care of him for the most part while he was an infant. I can't wait for my own to come out into the world. *smiles*
I am thinking about getting a c-section, if the doctor suggests it of course. It would be easier on Brett, my family, and probably me. I don't like not knowing when the baby is going to come. I am scared of going through delivery. It might be easier for me, mentally, to go through a c-section, instead of a vaginal delivery. I already made up my mind that I will except the medicine, especially after last night. I am doubting my own ability to go through all of this and my body's ability to handle the pain.
Only time and an appointment will tell... I am not patient though!
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One the note of VR, it's becoming an angry and hateful place here right now. Cancer took down the contests, which included Hangman, 5x5x5, and Boggled. I am guessing it was because he was tired of people cheating at them. It's what people are assuming and what's going around as the reason too. I am hoping he does send out a system message with his reasoning, even though I don't question it. He did make the statement below in the VampBox:
"Cancer:
22:08:40 - Aug 20 2007
Hangman may return, but if it does, Favor will not be awarded for games played."
So I am wondering how favors will be earned or awarded from now on. I wonder if he has the answer himself and there's an alternative for the contests that were taken down. After all the sad thing is no game will go without someone finding a way to cheat.
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On a good, positive note, I am thinking about entering the banner contest sponsored by House Eternal that is being advertised in the main forum. The rules are:
"House Eternal is sponsoring a graphics contest for all of the Societies. What were are looking for is the BEST graphics: 200 favor for the 20 best coven banners, 500 for the best House banner, 1000 favor for 2nd and 3rd place VR banners, and 2000 favor for the top VR banner. These favors will be awarded to your respective Societies.
7500 favor in total is being awarded from the House Eternal bank. With input from the rest of the House- ultimate judges are Sahahria, Artemka, Moonmystic, Morrigon, TBone, and Lore (Lore came up with the idea).
The winners will only get favors for their Society. This contest has nothing to do with Cancer- so no one should assume these graphics will be displayed anywhere on the site other than a page in House Eternal when it's over.
# Deadline for submissions is Labor Day (September 3). START NOW.
# Post submissions to this thread.
# You can enter in more than one category and enter more than one submission in a single category.
# You can make flash banners if you want. Size: no more than 150-160 pixels, and about 600 in length.
# Use FREE snaggables in your creations- no images from artists with copyrights.
# You need to be in a House or Coven to enter.
*PLEASE* read this whole thread before asking a question that may have been answered here already. And also, please do not message me personally- use this thread for your questions (ones not previously asked)."
I have already made one banner for it but I don't know whether I will post it as an entry or not. The image I used to create it is of me so there is no way someone can say it's copyrighted by someone else. LOL!
Here it is though:
Not sure if it's good enough... well if I will deem it good enough or not. I know it's better then some of the other entries, and no, that's not being arrogant or bias. It's being honest. But hey, they gave it a shot and that's the greatest thing anyone can do, right? Or at least I think it is.
I know when Brett sees it, he will probably convince me to enter it. What's the harm?
PRIVATE ENTRY
03:17 Aug 20 2007
Times Read: 970
• • • • PRIVATE JOURNAL ENTRY • • • •
00:25 Aug 14 2007
Times Read: 973
I feel like shit. I feel like I am drunk as hell and can't function properly. I am dehydrated, I am tired, and yesterday, I barely kept down any food or liquid. If I get even a little bit worse, I am going to the doctor tomorrow morning. I need air conditioning! It needs to get fixed! This week! Temperatures over 100 are not good on a pregnant woman in an apartment with a broken central air unit. *cries* I just want to sleep this misery away!
PRIVATE ENTRY
23:02 Aug 13 2007
Times Read: 974
• • • • PRIVATE JOURNAL ENTRY • • • •
PRIVATE ENTRY
23:44 Aug 09 2007
Times Read: 978
• • • • PRIVATE JOURNAL ENTRY • • • •
PRIVATE ENTRY
09:09 Aug 04 2007
Times Read: 980
• • • • PRIVATE JOURNAL ENTRY • • • •
PRIVATE ENTRY
07:01 Aug 04 2007
Times Read: 983
• • • • PRIVATE JOURNAL ENTRY • • • •
Grrrrr!
00:12 Aug 04 2007
Times Read: 984
Fat...
Fat...
Fatter...
More Fat...
Fat Added...
Damn it belly stop growing!
Fat, Fat, Fat!
*To make things worse, I'm starting to retain water again and there's no ice.
Very simple...
No ice=no tea
No tea=bloating from retaining water
Bloating from retaining water=feeling like roadkill
Oh joy!
PRIVATE ENTRY
21:52 Aug 03 2007
Times Read: 985
• • • • PRIVATE JOURNAL ENTRY • • • •
God Damn Monkeys!
20:48 Aug 01 2007
Times Read: 987
I am so fuckin' tired of the monkeys refusing to stop throwing shit in my face, along with Brett's!
I signed onto our bank account to see if a loan had gone through and low and behold there is more money missing from an electronic check! It's for a pizza place! What the fuck kind of pizza place does electronic checks to begin with!?!?!?! We called the bank and the $325.50 will be credited to our account in about 10 days. But we need to cancel that account and open a new one to prevent any more money from disappearing!
Well all I can say there bitches, is watch your moves because you are leading the bank straight to you! This isn't something Brett and I will charge you with. Oh no! It's something the bank will come after you with because it's them that has to pay us the fuck back from our mistake of trying to help lost caused friends!
And to make things even better, my car died again! It's oh so fuckin' great too! My car thinks it's being stolen/hot-wired and so it is locking the fuel pump. I am so happy that the theft system fuckin' works, now does it matter that I have the freakin' key and it's mine?! Everything is communicating with the computers except one thing and that's the instrument panel! Sad thing is the garage can't even tell us what the hell it's going to cost to fix it. All the technician could really say is "I have no unearthly idea." Oh yeah! That's a great sign there!
The only place that can fix it is a dealership and that's where we have to take it next! Now I am wondering how much it is going to freakin' cost...
Someone please stop these damn monkeys! Please? I need them to stop throwing things at me and Brett. I can't deal anymore. I know I am probably going to break down on my mom today when I talk to her and tell her what's going on. I just want to bash my head against the wall.
To top it all off, I have been sick from the heat/blood sugar crashing for the past few days and I can't get in to see my OB until we have a dependable car. *sighs* Why me?
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