Sojourn14:48 Jun 22 2010
Times Read: 831
It`s been over a year since.I have found myself in, what I can only describe as, a self-imposed, spiritual exile.
Plagued by unending nightmares, the devastation of losing custody of my sweet daughter, and then coming home from spending a week at the hospital, due to some heart trouble, only to discover the very people I had been helping out by allowing them to live in the house that I could barely afford, had gone and ransacked my room and stole any and all of my belongings that they thought they could pawn off, and then decided to call my landlord and tell him I had skipped town refusing to pay rent. I shut down, internally.
It seemed, to me, the Universe was making it very clear that, compassion, generosity, and trust had become weaknesses rather than virtues. Anyone else, experiencing what I just had, would have agreed .
Well...that conclusion just didn't set well with me.
You see...that kind of thinking, had almost destroyed me years ago. All of this was devastating , yes! It would be a blatant lie if I told you it wasn't , but if I iad learnd anything in my life, it is to always know that the Universe never steers you wrong, so long as you truly pay attention to what it's really saying .
So, taking a nice big bite of humble pie, I stopped and took a good look at the path that led me to the state I was in. Once I took the focus off of blaming those who had betrayed me, and off of everything else in general, I eventually had to turn my attention back towards myself .
While living at that house, I had become complacent . Sure! I was accomplishing some goals, but none that I knew, deep down, that were essential in the greater scheme of thing! You see, when I had originally moved in to that house, i had just embarked on a spiritual journey. Hell, THE spiritual journey, that leads me to that one trancendant state of enlightenment that we budding mystics strive to achieve all of our lives!
I had become too comfortable there, I had become lazy, and self indulgent , compketelz losing sight my true purpose. Instead of strengthening that " Warrior Messiah, within, i allowed him to weaken and become attropheid.
SO, the Universe did exactly what I needed it to do! It tore out that environment in such a way, that I was forced to pay attention andget bearimgs back.
iSo that`s what has taken me away from this sight for so long. It's taken a LOT of introspection, humility, and spiritual discipline to finally be ready to continue my journey.
I will be posting more often as a rerult , and would be honored to recieve any comments....sigh....or advice from any of you.
lol, that is....if there are actually people reading my journal at all, Let's hope, eh kiddies?
~DM~
COMMENTS
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WhiteWolf
02:52 Jul 19 2010
As always i try to read your journal to keep up with how you are doing. I have lost your # along the way or i would have already called to check on you.
The world has a way of clearing the path that we need when we least expect it. Complacency sucks & is just basically a "sheep's life" in short. I hope to see ya more on here & glad to see you trudging ahead despite things that have happened. Hope to talk to you soon & please take care. You are a great person DM
wolfdreams
19:23 Jun 13 2011
i am enjoying reading your journal