DestroyingAngel's Journal
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11 entries this month
BLOOD BOILING
23:03 Sep 30 2009
Times Read: 687
I want to spit venom
Into your eyes
I want to go home
Finger between my thighs
I want to look at you like you disgust
Especially me -
I want to tear into you until there's only dust
I don't even want to let that be
I want to lay my head pressed firm against the glass as the wheels carry me away,
I love you all and forgive me, but I have to love you when we're reborn again someday
I own the right to panic
I own the title to flee
The distance between us
Has finally set me free
It's the end of road in a few more hours
The sun will be in my face
I'll be carried away somewhere
With a part of you in that space
I want to laugh and scream
At you for no reason at all
I want to swing and spit
At you for allowing me to fall
And when I die, I want to have my middle finger preseved on my headstone
As a reminder that you can have everything but that particular bone
No matter where I rest-
I've earned the right to be alone.
I want to climb through the soil
Follow you home to finish you off
Kick up my heels at the termoil
and go home and whack off
PERFECTLY ABSOLUTE03:47 Sep 25 2009
Times Read: 689
By: D.M.
Created 10/15/2000I second myself in this world that I lived away
You stood too far inbetween and now history is repeating again today
Still not myself and I'm lost in everybody's mind
You walk away when you can and I was so close to finding out where you hide...
( I'm sorry for the inbetween...)
I'm not that perfect - I make mistakes - One after another
I'm not held too much in regards...Even Virgin Mary had a mother
I'm not that perfect - I don't care if everybody else knows
Still not dwelling today even if my presence otherwise shows
Crown me in your thorns of royalty where everybody else can lend their bless
I'll just keep on smiling despite the fact I've been living a perfectly manicured mess
Build me up as far as everybody else can see and get three prayers ready
I'll stand there beaten and sore - while everybody has something to say about me
Stuck deep inside this very flesh that nobody else has to live in
I'm living yet another day
Stuck with your hands wrapped around my throat and bruised up skin
Is this the part where I'm supposed to pray?
I'm not that perfect - I never said that I couldn't break
You said that you were - In fact you declared I was a mistake
I'm not perfect - In fact I'm prone to weaken under mounds of stress
You could have cleaned up that land slide...in fact you just added to the mess...
I void myself and vote myself for the campaign
Still...I'm not that perfect - Still feeling my own pain
I'm not so damn perfect - I said this from the very start
I motion myself and wonder if you have the heart
I'm not that perfect - In fact I wish so many impossible things
You took away my slumber and filled with me with occasional dreams...
I have never been perfect - I'd have given up my life for you
I'll lay real still - You can all stand with shovels in hand
And still I know I'm not so perfect - It's your turn to bury me too
( I'm not sorry you want to...)
PALAEOANTHROPIC03:32 Sep 25 2009
Times Read: 690
By: D.M and Azriael Rubens
( Azriael Rubens Lines ( * ) D.M.'s Lines ( + )
Created 9/18/2000
*I still get nightmares and sadly I'm not looking foward to the prospect
+ I still wonder about all of you...I thought you deserved that respect
*Are you there? Pick Up please...Hello?
+ Come back here...Pretty please...I miss ya...ya know...?
* I'm haunted by the lives that spinned our web
+ I'm wanted by the tides that pull me in my bed
* By the years that have been dead?
+ Inside you and I...inside our skin...Inside our head
* I need to get my almost together and my shadows keep looking like you
+ And my blood still aches through and through...
* I closed my eyes and I'm not holding a grudge
+ I'm not either but I'm still not falling in love
* Can't you spin a spell for us to change into shade?
+ My actions that I've hated...My golden hair that fades?
* I love you as one might love a god or a daughter
+ Well, because of you my thirst keeps growing...and who's blood is thicker than water?
* Certainly not who we used to be. Not who we thought we'd become
+ I was wrong too...that place wasn't my home
* I'd pray to everybody that you'd pray to any god who would tell you who you really are
+ I can't even tell myself who I really am...are you really who YOU are?
* Can you tell me where I am? I need to bend down into a hug with you
+ You're biblical and blasphemous...I need to reach these arms out too
* It's Midnight. Have I failed you? I'll fix what I made wrong
+ I'm thinking to myself...21 years later...there's no wrong for that long...
* He closed his eyes and he left you alone
+ I know...I saw him that night....I was a child who had grown
* I want to say something but my mouth can't form the words I want to say
+ I'll read your mind...I always do...Will that make it better in some way?
* I want to do what you can. All I can do is simply draw my hands to my face like I want to pray
+ You're aching again....I'm in love with our past....It's written in the minutes of today
* You know you're going to haunt me for the rest of my life. Don't you?
+ No...But you know me too well...No...And you'd know by now you're gonna haunt me too
* What if I sang you brave sonnets by a flame?
+ We'd still feel the same
* What if I broke the silence again?
+Then you're a true friend
* Stand. Fall. Stand again.
+ Whisper for a reason
* It's all the same in the end
+ Stand tall...Fall...And never get up again
* Until you're sure this is where we begin
+ And we end
( It was really late at night and I was on the phone with my dear friend Azriael. Again we were yacking to each other about how we used to write poetry at The Circle when I was 16 and he was 22. We decided that it might be a good time to play an old game we used to play when we got bored. He'd start with a line and I'd finish it with one of my own. I loved the way this poem turned out...so Azzy...Thank you again...for playing and sparking my creativity. )
DEFLECTING03:28 Sep 25 2009
Times Read: 691
By: D.M.
Created 9/1/2000Dear God I've said that I wouldn't hurt you and dear God I think I have
Dear Lord still contemplating those terrible thoughts within this minds aftermath
So dear lord please understand you've been nothing but a wounded man bleeding lonesome and naked and skinned
Yes, what is left dear God is an angry, and ticked off, and avenging bitch screaming that she has just sinned!
In your name
In your house
I have turned pagan and have lost my mind
In your name
In your blood
I have drank it and loathed it and spit it out...because I don't drink that brand of wine
Dear God are you hungry and cold? Have you ever felt what you have dealt?
Yes, dear God I am aching, and screaming for I have been whipped with an un-holy belt
And sing sweet Jesus and praise your name - On a cliff somewhere - Throw yourself off it if you're game
Oh dear God, if this is the way to eternal paradise then I guess I'll just renounce your name...
In your home
In your heart
You've made up the rules and made up our minds
In your light
In your name
I've been worn out and hated, and standing between both sides
Dear God are you looking down upon me? Can you see what I see? Do you know who I am?
Yes, I am here dear God and I know where I've been, and I'm trying to pervert the mind your baby lamb
So with all I've said Dear Lord, and all I've done, it's your monsters, and christians who set these examples for me
And this is just a letter dear lord,with no postage, and no return adress and no real place to be delivered
And should you wish to reply to me dear lord, you can't, Because I work in mysterious ways...and I don't feel like being bothered you see...?
NEVER12:31 Sep 14 2009
Times Read: 711
By: Diana M.Created: January 13th, 2002
Everything is different and all the rooms went cold
I can't hear...The words you whispered when I was told
To be a little less dark in my frame of mind
When I couldn't see...Now I feel as though my life's gone blind
I'd take the blade just to bleed the pain away
I'm the seeker of all things big and small
In a way, I've become the flavor of the day
I swear this time around... you can't even taste me at all
Break the reflection
It's all a rejection
Break the silence and wash away the tears
Through the mindless chatter and everything that appears
Just take it all in stride
Well, There's nothing left to hide
Break the reflection
...And slip on your armour of mental protection
In a box I keep all the sarrows I'd once weep
'Cause time just wont turn the other way
In a fortress that I've learned to build I keep
And it's still as fresh as yesterday...
Fuck the life I used to live and all the things I had
Like a hole in my head and the incidents that have left me mad
Screw the years that flew on by and it's not like I didn't try
To make this life a little longer...But still, inside I die
Break the reflection
It's just a little injection
Break the walls down
And learn to swim before you drown
Well, There's really nothing left to say
All the events which are on re-play...And do it over again each day
Just break down the souls who once claimed love for you
...And learn to break the reflection before it all has a chance to kill you too
Everything is strange and all so clear
Now days it's my own soul i'm learning to hear
Everything is different and all the same
And I'm learning the meaning of my own name
Break the reflection
It's not a common misconception
Break down the things that bled your mind
And learn to leave what you once cherished behind
Well, There's really too much to be said
Just break it all down before you're left haunted in your own head
All of the accidents which left me feeling like I had been cast away
...And learn to break everything that might just break you down anyway...
HUMAN SIDE12:14 Sep 14 2009
Times Read: 713
By: Diana M.Created: January 2nd, 2002
Times that I hate...Everything I create
All the times somebody's so fucking sorry...and it's a little too late
Times when I feel so twisted to everybody who used to care
To the souls who suck you dry...And to anybody else who might dare...
To talk to me in such a way that I have to strain to hear their chatter
And to the wants and needs left starving and being asked if it all matters
The damage I have done and the desperate urge to fall...
Into a place that has no name...Into a life that doesn't exist afterall
Sometimes you don't know what you're doing
Sometimes you don't even realize where you're going
And these times I wanna feel you slip
These are the moments I want to see you lose your grip
You don't know that I've been breaking
That the world I've been living in is shaking
You don't know that wrong often proves right
And then sometimes after all this has been made...I start to lose sight
The nerve it takes
To make me break
The pain inflicted
To leave me sickened
Again, I hear you speaking if you're speaking at all
...I'm not gonna be there to catch you if you fall
All the times that we could have ended it then
And again and again...
Sometimes it feels better to be enimies then to be friends
Sometimes it feels so much better to smite and spite rather than to make ammends
(when it's all just gonna end...)
And I hear you've been feeling lost and torn
And all the things that were spawn from scorn
And if you don't like the way I live than get the fuck out of my way
And if you want to lecture me on right and wrong...then I don't care about what you have to say
The nerve it takes to make me break
The life you chose to escape the heartache
And if you're talking...you can't be heard at all
...I don't really care anymore and I'm not here to catch you if you fall...
The awsome power it takes to make me wanna crack
And have you rattle off all the self-rightious things I lack
And I don't expect you to overcome this selfish thrall
...Pitty yourself and leave me alone...I wasn't born to catch you if you fall...
A BREAKING WORLD12:08 Sep 14 2009
Times Read: 714
By: Diana M.Created: December 3rd 2001
Run it all together and work it all in mysterious ways
Pick at the scab, Watch it bleed and count backwards to the days
When you tried as hard as you could to leave the past just there
When you moved foward into a different time and there was nobody else to care
When the world was screaming outloud that they knew your name
When you learned feeling alive doesnt really feel the same...
Nobody knows what you've seen...What you've done to keep on breathing
Nobody understands what you've tried to obtain...What you're still needing
I'm not that person anymore
I'm not asking for anything more
I've tried as hard as I could to uncover the entire world
I've remained tongue tied...When all took was one word
Run as fast as you can to escape having an ego
Pick up all the broken pieces and learn to let go
When all is said and done and all you can fear is the future of yourself
When you've got enough karma for three people...and you still won't ask for help
When the world ended
When God said Good-Bye
When the end of the world came
And your own evolution was to blame
I'm not that child anymore
I grew up somewhere and lost my way
Still seen as the same fucked up being
I've remained absent...Now it's always the same thing i'm seeing
When the world ended
When God left you to your own devices
When you experienced the end of the world
And hated each of your own sacrifices
Run as far as words can fly
Watch the tides of humanity run dry
When you tried to make ammends and were told it was already too late...
When you finally broke apart your own clean slate
When the world ended
When God didn't even leave a sign
When the whole world came to an end
When you supposed that you were going to be fine...
I'm not that person anymore
I'm not trying to be seen as anything more
When the world ended without so much as a sound
I'm not going to walk on water if I can't even walk on solid ground this time around
When the world ended...
...When God was nowhere to be found...
THE LAST FLICKERING FLAME11:25 Sep 14 2009
Times Read: 717
By: Diana M.Created: 12/24/2000
People as they pass me by, I would see
But sometimes it's just too late for me
And read the minds of all the villians as they would smile
I'm thinking quietly it might take a while
All the world became silent and left me here in my own head
I haven't been breathing - I'm anything - I'm not even dead
Though it seems meaningless to wonder if you're still there
I'm not crying - I'm anything - I'm rejecting your supply of air
I sway in the tides of the world as I see
I sway in the tides of you and me
I tumble down and choke on pints of hypocrisy
'Cause I tumble and sway in this ocean of misery
Over whats been destroyed
Under whats been employed
And I don't wanna wash up feeling as though I've learned nothing at all...
And I don't wanna wash up again and stand tall on these feet....only to fall...
Everything you saw meant nothing
Anything you've said was something
To motivate me in this tiny body compared to the rage that has had a growth spurt
'Cause you were putting me down, kicking me to the ground and creating a gap that you happily filled with hurt
I sway in the tides of the mind and I'm holding on tight
I sway in the tides as they carry me through each night
I tumble down, and I sway, and I see what your eyes couldn't possibly see
'Cause on the count of two or three I realize slowly that you're a pale shadow of whom you used to be
Oh, and by the way, When He came over again today
A message came to me reading "Why do you want it any other way?"
And Oh, By the way, When I traveled down PCH, I couldn't help but think
That my cup runneth over and spilled on to your feet without so much as taking one drink
I sway in the tides of the wars we wage
I sway in the tides of my own age
I tumble and I sway when I stand on these two feet and shout
'Cause I washed up and spit out the excess, and what you thought wasn't in me has been let out
SIX PENTS11:14 Sep 14 2009
Times Read: 718
By: Diana M.Created: 12/1/2000
Moonlight casting shadows
Delicate skin I see
A dark night in motion
The sex within me
I've been stirred and I do feel
The appeal
Falling off my shoulder is this little strap
I lay my head down in your lap
Could be that I like to show you things
Like to pull at all your strings
Watch you come undone and unravel
The way my finger tips travel...
If I wanted you I'd have it that way
If you didnt want to... I'd have you anyway
Thats how it is, Thats how it's always been
Don't speak, Don't hesitate...My patience will wear thin
Winds sweeping through the window
And you know...
I sing a song of sixpents
And leave you in suspense
See, I've been hunting and I'm armed
To find you, my prey, seeming quite alarmed
That you feel bewitched, That you declare a hex
I silence you again and feel within me, My very sex
And so I watched you lay down nude
My thoughts becoming lewd
And I smiled politely
Sang sixpents and touched you lightly
Felt you burn, Felt you flinch
And inch by inch
Felt you tremble and sway
Breathless with no ability to say...
She sings sixpents and rips at me
Everything's a fantasy in my reality
She sings so low I can hardly hear
The lyrics to her motives when she's near
Moonlight casting shadows
Heaving chest I see
The wet smile of devotion
...The very sex within me....
SMOKE AND MIRRORS10:20 Sep 14 2009
Times Read: 728
By:Diana M.Written 8/24/2000
Say things you don't mean - Ask to be forgiven after the fact
You can't resist the whole of the sum - You know we have this pact
The sky is burning - Heaven might be on fire - We lose our way
The ground is caving in - The walls start to crumble - And still....It's gonna be a lovely day
You liked to hit me where it hurt - You even hit me in the face
You looked just like me - You looked like Hell when you sang amazing grace
Heart bleeding - Mind gone numb - Ran out of words to say
Heart broken - Wrists bleeding - And still I say it's gonna be a lovely day
So for another year and happy alive - The body just becomes older now
I hid when you came home - I prayed you wouldn't see me
And I could have ran further than I had ever imagined - Further than I could see
Once again I'm still stuck in that void - Still slumping in church - No prayer...don't pray
Aching body and inner child screaming - Don't dare break... Just repeat...It's gonna be a lovely day
Say things you don't want to and break bones if it makes you feel better man
Hurt the fragile and dig the hole a little deeper...the ambulance is speeding as fast as it can
Now you know what it's like to be one of the beautiful freaks - Now you know what to say
The sky just opened up, The mind just shut down, The heart stopped beating...and still...It's gonna be a lovely day
Happy alive, I guess happy alive, if I could just be alone
Torn in two - torn in three...I'm a rag doll begging to be thrown
Do things you say you don't want to and say what you dont need to say
The heart starts to ache, The memory wont let go...The saviour turned away and still...I say...It's gonna be a lovely day
DEVIL SEEDS09:55 Sep 14 2009
Times Read: 732
By: D.M.
8/17/2000
Too fast and too cold and too everything else that I've rushed
Too hard and too hot and too little of everything in this skin that's been hushed
And I rearrange all that I know
And I feel strange watching you grow
Sometimes I said it's better left alone
Sometimes I said it's better left blank than shown
So I slip when things start getting this way again my friend
And I slip when I loosed the ghosts at my wits end
Too little and too much but it's never enough of what I need
Too scared and too young and I'm growing all the devil seeds
And I hope that you're happy now that you've been too
Comfortable in the arms of this sin
Well, it makes no sense and it makes perfect sense
In all actuality it indicates this little coincidence
And it makes some sense in this order it makes so much sense
Well, it's looking like another part of my charming accidents
Too dense and too cluttered and too many things I say
Too true and too imbued and this shade of post mortem grey
I hope that your right and that I am just over reacting to things
But it's crushing me that I slip and I water all of the devil seeds
.....They grow into everything....
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COMMENTS
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MasterMindedFate
23:34 Sep 30 2009
oh very very nice VvvV
chaostheory351
05:46 Nov 01 2009
hah! i love it