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How much wouldn't I wanna know how it is to love someone or something equal, without feeling that one or another is on mercy.

It's seems so long since I could feel loved without all these demands. I really loathe all these "if" and "when".



The verdure (is that the right word?) is so delightful. Even if it don't makes things easier so does it at lest brighten things up. It's about time the gras grows up. I used the last hay to the rabbits yesterday.

They seem to prefer the grass before the hay, so much happier.



A litle white spot sneaks around in the spring grass . How cute can she be? I've had her for almost six years now and still is ther moments where she just makes me breathless. A wellbehaved toddler even tho she got a lot of temper.





Why does it seems to hard to allow myself to be glad, to feel good for once without shame. It's almost like I'd drag myself down. I know, even sees, what I do but I can't stop myself.

I tell my sister over and over again that hope is all we got, tries to embolden her every drop of joy and laughter I can, in the same time doesn't I seem to feel anything els then despair.

I'm drowning in solitude. Is that what I want? Nothing more then I deserv but is that what I want?

There is no hero, no one is gonna save me, after all these years should that be pretty obvious but do I even want to be saved anymore?

What's there on the other side of the surface?