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my Sweetest light
just the end of another day
I wish I could make it all go away
the rabbit holes I fall into
thoughts that wander into invisible walls in a maze of my own making
am I mad? one may think so after all I have a wife of my own imagination
a specter who stands at the edge of the field of vision
not with eye but mind
a fog that separates us like a veil between realities
I fear that one day the lines will blur and the curtain will crash and burn
oh, that I were a statue ..but do not the stone feel? do they not weep at dawn or is it merely dewdrops upon their stony cheeks?
the soul is lost in the eyes I should think
trapped between the panes of glass made of ice
Oh that these thoughts were nothing more but a spigot that I may turn them off but I fear that I may break the handle off in my hand for turning the valve too tightly
to silence the emotional outcry
to still these raging storms
to just
Float
je t'aime beaucoup
Gu bràth leatsa,
Dew

my dearest rose
in 24 hours the Beatles get back will be on Disney +
I am so yeah
it's going to be so Tinsel!!!!
had a double shot in honor of boneheads birthday made up a meme of twin midgets saying happy birthday big boy
jack daniels apple and fireball
is taking its toll
so my love I'm going to join you where you live...in my dreams
love forevermore
your faithful Dew

Dear Rose,
had a dream where I was in a school of some sort
sitting on a low wall with this cute curvy girl in her 20's and for once I'm old ..as in present age of 55
she and I were friends but I found her attractive
I mean she really was and could sing too
I tried to hold hands with her she politely dodged me
another woman walked by that I knew and I tried to touch her as in warm greeting she laughed and dodged my hand
this made me feel so bad
hiding the pain I was telling the first girl that she needs to put herself out there..do videos for youtube and Instagram and all that crap...I woke up...been feeling down all-day

ok two months now
hence not writing
I'm just too tired too old and too unwanted...been this way my whole life
should be used to this by now but when the holidays come round it makes things worse
I feel like I can't do anything right
when I do sleep I don't want to wake up
and when I want to sleep I can't shut down
love always
Dew

Rose,
i keep dreaming of a place
its all the same the walls and furnature look exactly the same each time...but the people are different
if i am out side its overcast and seems cold
but yet plesent ... the people in my dreams are ...its like ive known them my whole life
but i dont know who they are
maybe im dreaming of you maybe you do exist but in my dreams
i feel alone when i am awake to the point of wanting to die
i want this garbage to stop .but it never dose
monday i have to go in for re-training because i am being used as a scape goat ..i was advised to just take it in the balls and get it over with so..
the hollidays are here
oh god how i wish them to be gone
the feeling of never being good enough or doing anything right has my levels over the top so sleep is my only escape
i dont want to die here ..not in this house not in this town and sure as hell not in this state
i want you to be real
i want to go home to be with you
im tired of this life
but its what i deserve
Dew

My Dearest love
I am sorry I have not written lately
Not feeling myself...in fact, I feel as though I'm slipping down a hole
I keep telling my self "Shut up no one wants to hear your fucking mouth"
Nobody cares" no one really cares, in fact, they really wish you just...wouldn't.."
are they Right?
I keep screaming in the back of my head "What am I doing ?!?! she's not real you fucking looney! Jesus Christ, I mean you just made this whole fucking mess up haven't you
have you lost your fucking mind?
maybe I have
maybe I am emotionally Bankrupt
maybe I just need a personal long silent dark cold nap
if I could I would love you forever because in my mind you would be everything I could ever want
but then I would be so stupid and fuck it up
you would become human and slowly let go .not being able to hold on any longer
and I fall to the floor crumpled into a heap not breathing but yet tethered to this wasted wrinkled up and useless body with its rotting mind, eyes that can only look through the glass to where you are
and with one decrepit finger, I reach out only to be stopped by the cold hand of reality

Dew

COMMENTS

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BloodRoseTristesseX
08:53 Nov 15 2021

Man, just know you're not going through crap alone. I'm with you, Darvy. Do take care. And I wish you all the best.

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