Unloading some stuff...22:22 Nov 29 2015
Times Read: 433
This holiday weekend has been non-stop. So much so that my thumb joints hurt when I flex and extend them, from writing up a storm. But I got so much done. I am happy.
This is not easy, and what makes it even harder is not having to deal with patients, because i love that part of it, its having to deal with my classmates.
I have spent such a long time on my own, not having to deal with people except online...that now, having to deal with them in person, on a daily basis, for the most part of my day...its really hard.
I am trying to be a good , better person....kind, understanding, smiley, happy...but I just can't do it. These people bring the moody out of me.
Im trying to be a good friend, team-mate. I see the good in them...but sometimes the annoyance wins. And I am the kind of person that I cannot hide my feelings in my expressions.
It is just, the things they say, the things they do...how? why? what are they thinking?
eg1; This one girl i always hang out with, shes great...but so full of insecurities...shes always talking about her boyfriend, the things they have, how much money he makes...I say something is cool, or would be good to have, next thing I know she is buying it, and showing me she has it. [I am not the type to get jealous at what others have. I am happy she can have it, but really??--I just want to study, not listen to you gossip or talk about this stuff, 0 interest.]
eg2; One of out other friends went and bought a FitBit for BlackFriday. She just sent a mass text saying she got one too...when she had just told me not too long ago her phone was enough to count her calories and steps (built in pedometer)
eg3; During last semester I was raving about my tiny white board and a sign from my dad's old business that serves me as a makeshift white board, so I can write up and study in my room when we arent at the library. I said how useful it was. She disregarded it and said it was too much to do with all the load we have and different methods of studying. She wouldnt have time to deal with another method. Beginning of this semester she bought a huge blackboard with flourescent markers because it was such an amazing method to use for studying...she kept showing it off to everyone. Won't shut up about it...
eg4; she is all about herself, selfishly. She will drop me in a heart beat if it benefited her. We were in clinical our first day. Because we both spoke spanish our teaching split us up...there was a guy and a girl we dislike, she RAN to the guy and I got stuck with the girl....her excuse was, I was a better more passive person, and she couldnt handle it like I would. I was so upset, she didn't even think about how I would feel...I didnt mind the girl, but I just was annoyed at her complete disregard.
eg5. we always pick our schedule and clinicals together. this semester they changed it bc of an altercation. i got morning, she got night. she was about to transfer to the morning one with me, because we are partners. she was super upset about it... when she found out our other friends are in the night clinical. with a good teacher. she totally didnt even try to change. she was like "sorry this one is better!"...then she'd look at me to see if I was mad. clearly, i was upset. i dont do well with changes, especially when it was a day before and i had already planned my schedule around it. she tried to get me to change, but it was too late. there was no way I couldve. but i stayed. bc i rather have morning clinical than night time shift. but she didnt even care. total disregard. again.
eg6-last test, it was a mess with our professor. ended up giving points because everyone failed it. so i went in to see her , she tested me, and she made sure i got points enough to pass because i knew my information. again, this chick, previously had gotten a certain score. her score changed and mine went up to almost hers. when grades were posted, she was upset bc she lost one point....said she was gladd i got my score, but she was pissed bc she lost ONE point,( the point didnt even make a difference enough to change the grade) but she threw it in my face she deserved it unlike other people.....that pissed me off bc half of her material is written up by me, so we study equally hard. this test was when i went up to see Ann. I was so distraught coming back from that trip that it was so hard for me to concentrate at all. she knew i was out of it, but i still studied and tried. thankfully i passed. but that attitude from her made me so upset. especially she since that same weekend, a friend of hers passed away too, coincidentally, so all she would talk about was that...while at the same time , I was dealing with my own kind of grief. i just wanted to crawl under my pillow and make all this b.s stop. ugh.
eg7; we were in skills labs, doing procedures. and i learn alot with my current clinical professor. she taught us that 85% of people breathe through one nostril at a time. alternatively. its a cycle. she totally said , what? thats not true, i breathe through both nostrils. i dont think that's right. totally blew me off. but , i sent her an article later on proving it, b.c...wth?!
My patience is running thin. I just like studying on my own now. But I dont want to make enemies. I like her, shes very kind and ready to be helpful, which is an endearing quality because I am like that too, so we work well together and balance our work load....I just dont like certain things she does. Too selfish, arrogant, and too much gossip. But it is her personality. Shes the type to brag about everything she has to everyone and how great she has it. Also makes me feel a little insecure at times, because she always has to one up everything I do and say. And she always has to be right on everything. I dont mind, to each their own...I just mind when its preventing me from concentrating on what I am doing to the best of my abilities. Ive been through so much, I am in a good place mentally. I dont want to start questioning myself again, like I did when I was in my early 20s. This shit feels too much like HS sometimes.
I dont even know ...I was hoping typing this here would make me feel better somehow. I better get used to this, bc I know I will encounter this type of personality again in my career.
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