Thanh Ngoc20:52 Jan 01 2011
Times Read: 761
Blue Pearl
"Pearls come from oysters--they are hard and rough on the outside, but delicate inside. Like you."-- from Earth and Water by Ellie Shillue.
Who knew a name could describe a person so well.
This statement is me. Guess what my name means in Cantonese?---My grandfather named me.
Not many people know me. The real me. Only select few who I am glad I've let in my life because they have taught me so much.
The ones who I've let know me, and have betrayed me have broken that delicate inside. So my shell hardens for the outsiders, a little bit more each day.
It's sad, yes, I agree. I don't let many people in. I select my friends. Actions speak louder than words ever will.
Can you blame me? if I don't look out for myself ---who will? I am, & will be my only true advocate. (well in the true essence of any being, everyone is their own best advocate---make sense?...hmmm)
I struggled so much in 2006, my sophmore year (in credits) of University. I was living in the dorms, and broadening my social network. Meeting ALL sorts of people, from all over. Even joined a sorority.
blah blah blah
But what I remember most about this year was walking to and from class, thinking to myself why humans do the things they do to one another. I could not comprehend how I could be who I was, loving the world, wanting peace and meaning it.... but so many others spoke just empty words. I struggled. Oh boy, did I struggle! I think that was the hardest year of all. In retrospect, I'm glad for it. For so many things, actually.
I can't let these cracks in my mirror advance deeper. There will be none of me left if I do. And I'm afraid that if I let that happen, I wont feel anymore. I don't want to be numb. Yes, I know I'm young and haven't experienced much of the world yet, even though I've traveled quite alot.
I like living in my bubble. I like the little innocence and naïveté i have left in me. And, even though sometimes I don't realize it, today I do, and I cherish it. Because of this, the people I love, I love, unselfishly, unconditionally. They deserve my love, a type of love that's pure.
Anyone reading this, might say I'm a little full of myself for thinking like this.....but those who know me, and know me well know I'm anything BUT full of myself.----I need to work on this. No, I do not want to be full of myself. I want to be confident; at least a little bit.
I'm a very loving, passionate person. I feel so deeply, it hurts to feel. People cannot handle so much feeling. I know-- I barely can handle it myself..........In part this might be what is wrong with myself, medically I mean--hormones and all that jazz.
I'm supposed to get that call this week.
(thinks about this for a little while)
Hmmm, enough for now. There's a NCIS marathon on TV today, a dog to bathe, maybe some scientific reads, and some quests on WoW I want to do before Birra's awesome cooking show tonight!---Buffalo Wings..HELLO!!! =)
COMMENTS
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Deity
23:29 Jan 26 2011
Never.
Requiem
23:32 Jan 26 2011
I am so going to kick your tall lovely ass.
Nope. Not a loser. But ... you'll have my foot if you keep talking yourself down.
Capiche?
Love ya.
sPerAnZa
01:51 Jan 27 2011
Yes, you are. Which is exactly why we love you so much. :)
sahahria
16:58 Jan 28 2011
What they said: points above
meeper
01:18 Feb 02 2011
Nope, nada, no way in hell. I lub da DB!
xxEmaeraldxx
21:49 Feb 21 2011
With looks like yours, you will never be a loser .
DarknessBound
02:29 Jun 07 2011
love ya guys