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Well this was a abd thanksgiving for me, as most of you may know i have a job working with mentally handicapped people. I do the night shift normally from 12 am to 8 am, i went into work last just like any other day. Got called in early as ten cause another guy that workd there brother got into a car wreck, so i went in early i didn't mind. I was by myself from 10 to 12 then the other guy came on shift and we BS'ed for a bit and I already had my cleaning stuff done. Well at 12 i went and got two of the people up to go to the bathroom, and there is one person that i leave alone till the middles of the night. So i did wnat i always do and come time to get her up she didn't really move so i was just like well ok i am not fighting with you. So i let her sleep for the rest of the night, or so i thought, coming morning i went to go get on person up to go shower while the other guy went to get tha lady we didn't fight with up. I did not get no more then in her room when the other guy calls me and say's i need to get there quick. So i take off get in and she don't llok too good and my co-worker says " think shes dead" and i was like wha?? no way. so i go over to her and pull the cover off thinking she is just bruised really bad on her arms and legs so i am going to have right up a report on it. Well she didn't move, so i reach down to shake her a little and she is cold and clamy . . . . . . yeah that's right everyone . . OH SHIT!! She really is dead and my mind start's racing what to do call the manger tell him he called the cops and everything started rolling. Problem is they gave me too much time to think, so here i am going great just great a client died on my shift. I told my boss it wasn't mine or my co-workers fault, and they said they would never blame us, but i am still a bit worried about what they find in the atopsy. So if it wasn't something natural, then i am scared they are going to point the finger at us. And if for some crazy reason they do . . . . that is man slaughter, as in prison, no more lexi for me. So i guess i will let every one here know how this plays out.

Well i am getting all the things done that i need to get done, it is slow but it is happening. My x says she would never keep Lexi from me, but . . well i have my doubt's. I will feel better when it is on paper, and i have my daughter in my arms. She is my baby girl, the only one i have, without her there would be no point to being here anymore. She is part of the reason i wake up everyday, the other is hope. Hope for something i may never have again, she is here now and all i have so i am going to make it. Just me and her for now, until the person i hope for comes along, someone who will be with me and her both.

Have you ever had someone close to you and things go wrong? As bad as you don't want them to they do.



I don't know what happens sometimes or why it happens, all i know is that it does.



And sometimes you get lucky, that person says let's still talk and be friends. And that gives you some kind of closure.



But what really hurts is when you have a connection with someone, and they say you are their friend, but then you feel them pushing you away.



Why even tell someone you want to be their friend if it is just a lie? Or is it a lie? Who knows anymore.



I guess even in the end friends is too much to ask sometimes after a relationship goes bad.



Even if we are friends then why is it that I can feel you pushing me away. Maybe i am just losing my mind.



I am not upset, just confused. Not sure what i do that is so bad.



But even when pushed away i do still care, i just want you to know that.

COMMENTS

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jahlovleyone
21:44 May 18 2008

I too have had this type of friendship. I gave a woman a year of my life after my mate died. I would have given her a great life. She told me we would always be friends, then she lied to me. I don't have liars or thieves in my world, needless to say We are no longer friends. I am lonely since my real best friend moved to portland. Why must people come in and out of our lives and why can't we just let go. I know it hurts. I feel for you. Hang in life will be better, we must believe.

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POST COMMENT

Have you ever found somthing or someone that needed healing? What did you do?



You take into your arms this creature, watch over it, keep it safe. But you know that someday . . . . you will not be needed anymore.



But you still watch over and protect it. And when that day comes, what do you do?



Leave it where you have it because you don't want to feel the heart ache of it's lose?



Or do you open the door and let it decide? It is a hard choice to make with an animal. Even harder with a person.



Know only this in your heart, the chioce is only half yours.



Open that door, hope for the best but always in your heart keep the memories that you have made.



Treasure them always because they may be all you have left, if they leave . . . . . hope only in your heart that you have made the right choice.



They may someday come back to you, know that in your heart and every breath.



Be there when they are down, help them up when they fall. And let them know that you will never leave thier side.