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Holding his hand as I take my first steps
Looking at him with much effort
Loving him as one does a dad
But to see the things I have is sad
The first time I saw him with awful stench
Smell so strong of whisky breath
But not to judge since he is my owner
The one who helped create me
I will always love him even when beating me
He never left never gave up
He stayed by me even when things were tuff
Mother leaving us to have sex
Left us all in a mess
Me my father and my two little bro's
Standing tall and strong that's what he does
To learn from those bruises and my broken ribs
At least he never left so we loved him as is
To struggle and ignore the pain
I'd never have to worry cause he loved us
Struggles and pain he did his best
and that made me strong till this day

The darkness surrounding me as I walk hand-in-hand
Her skin pale white as she smiles at me
My only friend only one with me
That smile so fake and fraud
If only I knew her intentions and where they belong
Getting the invitation to spend time with me
Knowing three nights before she was done with me
I had cried to her telling her the hurtful truth
That her lover was trying to conjure me
Instead me being pure of pure
She let the demon rise inside her
Now here we are hand in hand
As she smiles that smile so fake and fraud
We go to the party that's amazingly set
Good night grows old time has passed
The alcohol sets in giving me the sudden urge to pee
I asked her of this one task to hold my beer for me
As I think no thought of it
She lets them slip it
I come out so thirsty I drink
Should have known I didn't think
Not long after I was dark in the abyss
Drugged not knowing it I fell asleep
Should have known they were after my red wings
Of course I was purest of pure
The feeling of being torn open not able to scream
It's an overwhelming feeling that I never could see
It was my first and I couldn't enjoy it
As I woke up with tears streaming down my face
That is when I realized there's something I have to face
The two men that helped me up
Couldn't look me in the eye as they dropped me off
In shock I hid away from life
For another unexpected surprise
My two non lovers weren't safe
I was terrified at what took place
No need to be scared any longer I'm safe
But now my belly grows and it's a big mistake
I want to keep it I tell myself it's not their fault
To punish them is something I couldn't do at all
But then it happened my body couldn't take
Leaving my body empty with no baby to make
Losing something I had no time to love
That endless abyss starts to evolve
Confused in my mind not knowing what to do
To only dream the dreams I thought I knew

As I look around icy eyes look at me and I hear Shadow whispers
Is it my clothes my skin matches well being
Am I too ugly am I too fat to unlock my outer being
A cloud of smoke surrounds me suffocating me
Is it possible to be in a crowd of people and yet feel so alone
To be set in a category that is unknown
Isolated from my peers to look down on me
I am the subject I am what is laughed upon
I am the joke the clown in the room
I am the one who builds them stronger I am the one helps them make it
Due to their imperfections I am what makes them sane
Not realizing that they are to blame
To blame for why I feel how I feel
To blame for all these hurt feelings and unsettling emotions
To blame for my loneliness my sadness the hole in my heart
To blame for the beginning and the end of my scars
As I walk holding my head up high
I asked what did I do why me
As I look around Im again the subject of humor
Automatically I am subjected to a troublemaker a weirdo
The feeling of forever being alone no friends no family
The only feelings to have to keep my head up high I can beat this
To feel self-pity depression anxiety suicidal thoughts
For years of torment and alienation
I've made it this far and I'm not backing down
encouraging myself to stand tall and say fuck what they think and fuck who they are
Even though they don't have the courage to stand by me
Even though deep down inside all their laughs are at me there meant for themselves
I will not show pity on myself because I'm different
I am who I am and I'm loving it

I walk on the path of darkness
Fear of never seeing the light
It swallows me whole leaving an empty shell
Lost for words I fumble falling deeper and deeper
The words I have left chained away in silence
Personal lock there's no key
Without hope I thought strength could keep me
As I find I am weaker than week
Those chains that bound my voice have not found my body
As I reach forward to touch the lights the darkness follows me hello
I scream but no one can hear me
The pain the sorrow the loneliness inside is seeping out of my eyes and my ears
The darkness has finally taking over there's only one thing to do
Let my vessel crack and my soul be released

COMMENTS

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DarkestTemptation
04:29 Feb 18 2020

Nicely written beautiful piece indeed bravo!

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Darklovesme
19:54 Feb 18 2020

Thank you Darkest Temptation

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POST COMMENT

When I look at life I see how powerful the darkness is
I stand still smelling the cold air stale and bitter
My mortality standing still wanting nothing but eternal life
Yearning the satisfaction of immortality
Thinking of the blood running down my arms the last time I cut my flesh
Still I am mortal having to suffer from sickness pain and the life sentence of aging as the days go by
Waiting for my immortality to come so much to enjoy life for the first time no longer mortal