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Well i left off tell you about my desperation, did you think about it? did you figure out which choice i made? well maybe you did and maybe you didn't. I chose to ignore my instincts and let him get close. slowly, it did not happen right away, but i took that chance that everyone told me i needed to take. We met, had coffee, dinner and movie's, all the things that couples do when they are dating. He was so nice, said all the right things, never put any pressure on me for anything. I thought we had hit it off fairly well. It seems that i was wrong. Once i again i made the wrong choice, sometimes it just does not pay to listen to others, even if they have your best interest at heart. I knew deep down that i should have listened to my instincts as they are rarely ever wrong. But i made my choice, and as such i have to live with the outcome. We had gotten together on a Friday night to go to dinner and a show. It had been a month or so since we had met and i thought, at the time, that it was something that might move into a relationship of sorts. I thought maybe just maybe he could be the one, the one to let inside the walls that surround my heart. I never realized he would be the one to sneak behind those walls and tear my heart apart.



Things were strained by the time we made it to the show. I never knew what went wrong, if it was something i said, or something i did. Maybe i was not open enough, maybe i did not show that i liked him enough. It is safe to say that it is something that i will probably never have the answer to.



I had planned to ask him in after the show but was never given the chance. He drove back to my house and simply said "thanks for a nice time, i'll call you." As i got out of the car i knew, i knew what that meant, i had heard it so many times before. I refused to let him see that his words hurt me. I told him "no problem, it was fun." then i got out of the car and went into the house. After i shut and locked the door and turned out the lights i went up to my room. Only then did i allow the pain to come. I wrapped myself in it like a blanket. I let the sorrow pour out of me in hopes that in the end i would have some sort of relief from the pain.



You see at that time i knew that i had once again jumped in with both feet with out making sure there was water in the pool first. I knew that this time there would be no healing from this. I knew that the only thing left to do was to close myself off to everyone. Build those walls up even thicker and stronger than before.

I knew that the phone call from him would never come. With out ever knowing why. Never knowing if it was something wrong with me or with him. Just lead on only to be dropped like a weight to the ground.



I do think there is a lesson to be learned from all this. I only hope that this time, I finally learn the lesson.



In my mind he was one of the ones that knew what he was doing, this game that he played was not accidental, it was intentional. He preys on the weak with out any remorse.



So now you know my story. This is the end.

Sometimes we like to think people dont mean to do the mean things that they do. But sometimes, just sometimes there are those out there that live to make you suffer, their joy in life is the pain they cause you. They pull you in, they pretend they like you and then before you know it, they back a way and you are left wanting. This is the story of a lot of people. I think for a while i shall keep kmy identity to myself, in time i may introduce myself to you, or i may just leave you guessing. My name is really not important, its the story that i tell that will leave its mark. This story is one that has touched at least half of the people that may read this, you may feel as if i have stolen your life and placed it here in my words.



It all started the day I met him. He to shall remain nameless for now. The time may come when i may turn him over to the wolves. I met him online, at first i was guarded and closed off. I dont normally like to meet people that way. We spent time talking and what i thought was getting to know each other. He seemed like the perfect guy, said all the right things, almost as if he knew what i was thinking. I think that was the scariest part. you know the saying "too good to be ture"? That was this guy. I dont do perfect, perfect people scare me. There were a lot of messages that went back and forth. some personal and some just chatting and having fun. It was not long before i started to feel that desperation of turning on my computer and feeling my heart drop to my feet when there were no messages. That desperation of waiting for him to message when i saw him online, and feeling crushed when he never did. This was a feeling I had felt before. In the past it had aways turned out bad, but i knew that in order to be able to move forward i had to let go of the past. I had to let people in no matter the feelings. This is what i was told. Do i trust my intincts that tell me that desperation can only lead to heartache or do i trust in others that tell me the road to happiness is ahead and not looking back. This is my dilema, the place i am stuck. This is where i leave my story for now, to leave you guessing, did i run away like usual or did i take the chance and jump in with both feet?





To be continued.