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Back to work, my schedule is still jacked up… get home from work tonight at 10:30 and take a tylenol pm to get to sleep before midnight and up tomorrow am at 5!! And back to work at 6



Oh look, another email from dad - he sent one back on the 22nd wanting to meet off the train for Christmas and that his book was on sale through Amazon.com "Jefferson's Scissors" is the title… I sent a very short email back stating I was working, and will when able, mail his and stepmom's presents.



No word from him until today stating when can we get together? I haven't answered - will send him another one back stating new years weekend will be worse than xmas and no time to get together until after January - his birthday is January 27th…and I'll send him a bday card and won't call him…



I'm still formulating a letter to him stating how I feel and I'll never ask for his help again… even if tossed in jail or will be out on the streets without a place to live… I will never call him for help again.... NEVER

Christmas Day… I finally wake up, still exhausted from the over 12 hour shift and not enough sleep. Make decaf coffee, and turn on my little tree, turn on xmas carols and unwrap the three gift cards my mom sent. Did I get anything from my dad or sister? NO….silly me.



Ellen called and we chatted, that was it! Back to work at 2pm…and once again, all hell broke loose - people fighting over a stupid remark over a Dodger's jacket and this and that - you'd think we were in a war zone somewhere!!! Came home at 10:30, got out the bourbon and egg nog and had 3 big glasses, got sleepy and went to bed.

Working in communications at Disneyland today from 2pm to 10pm - and OMG - to say all hell broke loose is an understatement - WTF is going on? Where's the Christmas spirit with these thousands of stupid tourists doing all this shit? We're going bonkers in here trying to coordinate and dispatch and we know the poor officers out in the parks are wanting cattle prods and to just run and hide!!



Joy - I get to work to 2AM now, graveyard in here has 4 people and 3 out of the 4 called out so two of us stayed over 4 hours to help out….

On my way to Sabastion and MoonMystic's for the weekend - don't know what I'd do without those two and the friendship we have…..they are always there for me and so nice to be there relaxing, talking, laughing and leaving crap behind and just be myself and they accept me for me - just wished they lived closer than 4 1/2 hours away!!



Cell phone rings and it's my sister, on her way back to Santa Barbara from San Diego which is over 4 hours - so we both were enjoying road trips that night - she was in that very same Passat that dad wanted me to have… now she has a 2001 VW bug with 115,000 miles on it - and she, who wants to be dad's perfect little creation - and is such the daddy's girl and never stands up to him - has the car… and I was able to set her straight as to the conversations between Dad and myself and the story he told her was nothing like he told me!!!! She was all excited that her son, my 15 1/2 year old nephew would now be going to Rome in my place!!! She had no sympathy for me or even really cared I wasn't going, because her son was and it was too bad, so sad for me…my heart was broken even more. I didn't play Dad's warped little game, so I lost out…



OMG - Sabastion and MoonMystic did it - they hooked me on World of Warcraft online - thanks a bunch guys - had a blast! Took me awhile to get used to working my character's movement, and my laptop lags a bit, but getting better and working as a team of night elves with MoonMystic..

Today's my birthday - big whooop… another year OLDer, sigh and another year alone on it. My mother came through, bless her co-dependant loving heart - and sent me cash to go to the Hotel Del Coronado back in San Diego to spend the night and relax and enjoy myself - I've gone to the Hotel Del every year for the day for a VERY long time and she wanted to help cheer me up because of my dad.. So I was lucky to get a reservation and drove down, got my room, and wandered around, got a drink in the bar, watched the sun set over the ocean.. Then went outside and smelled the salt air and listened to the waves crash on shore, looked at the place all lit up with the Xmas lights and took some pictures. Then just got lost in memories and got a nice café mocha to sip on outside and enjoying the stars and the ocean. Watched couples wandering around and fought sadness but tried to be positive about even being here in a much beloved place.



Got myself a very nice and expensive dinner, and made it back up to my room where I had wine chilling, but to find a birthday card from the hotel and a bottle of complimentary wine already for me! I even got online to VR and CherryTap, looked at my email and finally climbed into my very comfy and victorian bed and went to sleep. I realised that my mom and Ellen, a friend still in San Diego I've known since we were 6 years old were the only ones that called to wish me happy birthday. My father and sister never did…

Well, Dad had sent me an email when I got to work stating that he was looking into a car a neighbor had for sale so hang on and he'll inform me how much it will be - never told me he was looking for me or as to what he was looking for.



Told him I bought a car - what did he think I was doing every day? Sitting back and waiting on something to fall into my lap? I had done lots of research before my cherokee died because I knew I was on borrowed time and with roommate's help, new what ones to get that would best suit me and my pocket book.



Dad blew up and got pissy and then came back with another email that he would give me as a birthday and christmas present a check for 2,500 which would cover the credit card pill (1,500 of it due to cherokee's last time in the shop/600 on a dentist bill and the plane ticket to Atlanta this past September for DragonCon - not that any of my family knew I was out there, mind you…



Then I get another email stating that he will take me off the Rome trip and the excuse he used did not make any sense - he had twisted my words around and the money he did give me was stated as a gift and nothing to do with the trip and yet, now Im NOT going on a promised trip and he's basically going to punish me for spending more money that he thought I should - I have now a $13,000 debt on my car - and come to find out that the car he found was a 2001 VW Passat with 77,000 miles on it - woopie de doo that it had leather seats and one owner, but it is also a manual/stick - and Im not going to drive a stickshift any more - not with the traffic out here and stop and go - no way jose… so he was going to shove a car I did not want down my throat and since I said NO he got angry… now my sister has it and paid dad 3500 of the 7000 he was charged for it. I mentioned to dad why would I want a 6 year old car with 77,000 miles on it and be back in the same boat in a couple of years?



I sent another email back to him upset and wanting back on the trip; that he twisted my words and the trip would be rescinded if he gave me over 8000 - not 2500 and used as a gift - but he never returned my email..

Day off and running all over in new car - sooooooooooooo nice and a CD player that works and an alarm and all sorts of stuff I've missed and my first new car.. Now just scared to death how to pay for the credit cards, high rent and car payment…joy

More emails from dad and I've yet to tell him I got a car yesterday, and still trying to get my point across - why is he being this way? So, I did this.. I said to him if you give me the 8,000 to 10,000 Im requesting, you can forget taking me to Rome with my sister next May - a trip he gave to us over a month ago because dad and evil step mom are going to Rome for the Italian Tennis Open - they can watch tennis, I'll run amuck through the streets and fountains of Rome thank you very much!!!

Well, after roomie deciding that the 2006 Chev HHR is the one for me to get after comparisions and checking out - poor guy looked at over 10 makes and modesl for me and this was the car in my range to get - and I like the car too! After more phone calls and making 2 stops at car dealers, ended up at a third with 3 HHRs for sale… one was on special that was a silver metallic and 3,000 less than I was prepared to go! Test drove and wheeled and dealed and got the price a couple of hundred less, saved 1/2 the 2800 price on another extended warranty - so I drove home with a new car and car payments of 246 a month - and had that $1,000 to put down on it..

Roommate dropped me off at Enterprise Rental Car this morning to get my rental set up… fortunately I said a whopping $5 a day with a Disney cast member discount so only $36 a day!! Got a lavender PT Cruiser.



Made tons of phone calls to local dealers and places in the paper with the makes and models of cars I'm interested in. Got some lined up to go see tomorrow. Lots of cars that I liked were already sold - figures…



More emails back and forth to dear ole Dad. Just 4 days ago he told me that if I ever needed his help, to tell him. And here I started to go into how my cherokee was falling apart and did not have long to go before it would hit the fan… and boy it did just a couple of days after that. I reminded him that he specifically told me that when it was time for me to get a car, that he would bank it and I'd pay him back with no interest and in the payments easiest for me to make.



He didn't like it when I reminded him of all of this… so after hemming and hawing, he started in on how much do I need and what kind of car and why doesn't my mother help? I reminded him that due to my sister's pushing, Mom bought a new house near her in Santa Barbara before putting her current home an hour north on the market! It's been on the market for 7 months now and still not sold - so she's a bit stressed paying on two houses and once again reminded him of his prior promises to me.



In the meantime, my roommate and I did extensive online research on comparisons of several makes of vehicles and consumer reports - what I was hoping for was a 2005/2006 mini suv kind of car - I need something with room and not a trunk to deal with costume bins and stormtrooper armor and such like that for the conventions and events I do.



Told him several times that I will not own nor drive a small/compact car- after being a cop seen far too many accidents and there's NO way I'm going to be in one!! The emails got more and more frustrating - it was obvious he was trying to weasel out of his promise - Mr. retired nuclear physicist who just wrote a book and got published and worth over 3 million…this is the first time in 25 years I've asked for help and getting crap, stupid me for thinking he'd mellow and change.



He kept telling me to fix my cherokee and then use it for a trade in - and I keep telling him that 1) radiator alone was 600; 2) the transmission was slipping so bad it is unsafe to drive and estimated cost is 2,200; 3) the car is a salvage car - so that Im unable to trade it in to a dealer because it had been in an accident so bad it was deemed salvagable; and 4) the mechanic I've dealt with for 5 years wants to give me $1,000 cash for a dead car because he can fix it cheap and give to his dad and Im not about to let that slip through my hands…