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I staunch one wound, sending the pain deep. But another fresh rent in my life opens, bleeding me of my hope and strength. I bare my teeth at the unseen adversaries in my life, granting the smallest respite. Then another dagger, another gash, another blow from an unkind and truly vicious universe. But I am no sheep, so easily cowed. I will rise off blood soaked knees to stand my ground and fight back. I may bleed, cry, and even die a little inside; but I will never stop fighting.

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Isabeau
20:17 Feb 28 2016

Stay strong my friend :)

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Even as I lost one thing after another; even as people leave, I still have one thing that always stays. Pain is a constant reminder that I live; if I can still feel pain, then I am not dead. Even if I may feel like I am dead inside, pain reminds me. It can always get worse; but as anyone knows there's two sides to everything, so it can also improve.

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Isabeau
02:40 Feb 28 2016

Hugs!

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I'm feeling pretty fired up, I've had a great response from a few different people on here recently. Thanks again everyone that has been reading my story, I hope you all continue to enjoy it. Further more, I've recently broken the 80,000 mark on the word count in my novel. That means it is now within the criteria for most publishing companies. So I'll continue on this path with strength and determination.

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DarkElegance
22:39 Feb 27 2016

Congratz!!

And YAY!!!

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I've recently been assaulted by circumstances beyond my control, and lost things that no one should have to loose. But still I am not cowed by the universe's challenge; instead I will take what it has dished out, all that pain and rage, the sorrow and helplessness. I'll use these things as fuel to continue on, forever glaring ahead with a determined smile. My smile isn't born of actual happiness though; no it is born of the understanding that I have endured, and in that is victory enough. With that taste of victory on my tongue, I'll use my teeth and claws to rip more of that sweet nectar from the universe's throat.

Regardless of my recent loss, I have tales to tell. So I will continue to relay them to you, as fast as I can. Disregard my previous journal

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Isabeau
03:21 Feb 26 2016

Sorry to hear about your loss my friend.

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I probably won't be writing my journals much, if ever again.

Something has happened in my life that may require blood and time to fix. So I apologize

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RosaBelleMaundrell
04:02 Feb 25 2016

It's okay :)

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Every effort made has failed, and there is no destroying me.

Choices; sometimes people think choices are a one time deal, that is absolutely untrue. We must make and remake our choices daily. Every time we think we should do something we kind of want to do, but know we shouldn't. We must choose; the difficulties in these choices are primarily, want versus need. Our willpower if not properly focused, can become our worst enemy in times like this. So we must look at each choice with a clear view of what would be in our best interest; not what we think would be good at that moment, but in general. We have to be brutally honest with ourselves; even if we choose the path that might not be in our best interest, we must be honest and own that decision. That way when looking back we can honestly say it was the path we chose.

Sometimes I really hate when I misread a situation, especially when I'm only trying to help.

To all those that read my journals and have an interest in my mortal life, feel free to check out my twitter: twitter.com/Wordslinger13

Physical pain is easy to control, when compared to emotional pain. But this too can be overcome by concentration and willpower. We must not focus on what might or might not be, if we can not find solace in other people. We can learn to be complacent with ourselves, to accept ourselves totally. This world is incredibly vast, and as long as we draw breath we can always find someone later who understands us. If fighting for yourself is something you find difficult, remember that person is just as lonely and misunderstood as you. Be strong for them, if not for yourself. Never give in!

I wear them like armour, for that's exactly what they are. Each one represents a time that my flesh was broken and I struggled on. Each one was quite literally a layer in my mental armour, protecting me later with the memory of those experiences. I relish them, because they remind me of my own ability to shrug off damage. Wear your scars like armour!

Pain is a constant thing for me, and in some ways I'm sure everyone experiences pain at least once a day. I know that it can be overwhelming sometimes, but by learning all about that pain; truly understanding the message in it. we can overcome it. Our brain sends the signals along our nerves, as I said earlier I have had severe pain nearly my entire life. So I have studied this constant adversary of mine learning it well. If I focused I could feel the nerves coming alive with stimulus, the pathway that the signal took to and from my brain, and then the actual pain; once the brain sent the signal back it was too late. Slowly over years of practice and concentration, I was able to learn how to control the nerve responses and even train my brain to be able to produce a state of calm, allowing me to withhold the pain signal entirely. This requires concentration though, so I can't really apply it to surprise injuries immediately. I am writing this in hopes that it will help someone else. Remember first you must truly understand your enemy before you can defeat it.

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perfectpet
03:14 Feb 24 2016

more a question not really a comment but what causes your pain if i may be so bold as to ask

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I have always been really impatient when it comes to things I know I can or should get faster. However when it comes to important things, I have always been patient. I have a dogged determination that can keep me going with the most trying tasks. Lately I have found such a task, and should I succeed I believe I will have finally found my Queen. So I certainly want to succeed, and if patience is required then I shall be stoic till the end.

If the universe and everything in it is energy, and our thoughts control our bodies. Then wouldn't it be possible for the mind to learn how to interact with other forms of energy. Let's take a look at the old axiom "Mind over matter", the idea seems self explanatory. But let's think about it in a little more detail. Our bodies process stimulus and translate that information into pain/pleasure responses. Now most humans take this to be an automatic process, which it is; but only if it's allowed to be. With the proper applications of willpower and perception we could override this automatic process, and control the input. There are countless examples of humans demonstrating this ability throughout history, and those of us that are of different breeds have always known to control our bodies with great care. So naturally if everyone simply trained their minds and bodies to go beyond the veil of lies that shroud this world, a great future could be ours.

I really just can't understand people sometimes. Why can't people just be honest with each other

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EriRein
15:59 Feb 18 2016

I get what you mean. I mean, if I ask a question, why lie? What is the point of me asking then. But I also remember that lies can boost your confidence up or what have you. Like when, you make something from the heart or buy something for another person. I think it is okay to lie about liking it or what not.

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I view our willpower as the most crucial and powerful things in this universe, or any reality in truth. Any sentient being no matter the race has the potential to manipulate the universe around them, through our willpower. The universe is made of energy, some cohesive and orderly; while others are chaotic and ill defined. However as sentient beings with the ability to not only perceive the universe around us, but to question not only what lies beyond, but what lies within as well. Many different people throughout the history have claimed superhuman abilities or magical prowess, however such over the top titles make a mockery of their studies. The simple truth is, these people were able to use their own willpower to alter their own realities. The varying effects of such people have been made into mythology and fiction so that modern people never really attempt them. I have worked many long years honing my mind, body, and spirit to achieve many interesting things. I will in the future, try to put some of my ideas and stories here for all to see, your belief in them is ultimately unnecessary. My goal is to make you think, and perhaps even search your own willpower for results.

Human souls have infinite potential, so that's why the gods all want them. As well as the more evil things, not to say some gods aren't evil

I've never really understood things like normal people. I've either gone to far in my attempts at what I believe to be right. Or I don't care enough about things, to the point of being called monstrous. But no matter I will continue to walk my own path, and a friend of mine has recently made me feel better about myself. Animals don't lie, thanks Nikko

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PoisonousX
05:42 Feb 16 2016

I have full respect for that

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This obviously is my first journal. I hear great things about this site and can't wait to become more involved in the community. I love to have conversations about pretty much anything, as long as it is intelligent or entertaining at least. I plan on doing a series of short stories on here that I'm calling Combat Journals, they will be following a vampire mercenary at the beginnings of his immortal career in warfare and assassination. I welcome anyone to message me, or read my journals as I get them out there. Gratitude to you reader, be well