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After work this morning I went back home to take a little nap and do some reading on my growing collection of divorce-recovery books. Rachel spent the afternoon with friends swimming. My friend Krista is coming over for a spell and we'll spend time on the computer with our new Match.com memberships. (This is gonna be FUN!) LOL



Tomorrow Rachel has a birthday party I'll be taking her to. A great buffet and FREE food!! ;0)

At work yesterday I received a few compliments from parents that I've lost a lot of weight and that I am really "looking good". For those who don't know I tell them I've had a major life change and it's most definitely a result from stress! :0o Not all of it is negative for sure; I've been more active with a longer work hours and better eating habits. This divorce is really starting to make me look GOOD! LOL



Now if only my inner feelings matched what looks good on the outside!! Right now the following feelings seem to rule my soul:

Fear, insecurity, uncertainty, heartache, and most definitely a little lost as to what to do with the upcoming weekends without Rachel. I have to trust that I will eventually figure it out and some sort of new social life will present itself in time. Changes suck and are so HARD!! :0( I want to be able to be alone without feeling lonely or feeling sorry for myself. With a long Memorial Day weekend looming and not working Saturday, I should be relishing in 3 FULL days of no work or kids! LOL



Hey, any advise, suggestions or whatever I am open to!

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TheHellequin
12:48 May 17 2008

They are right :-)

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nobodysfallenangel
10:43 May 18 2008

You know you look good so just take in all that beauty you exude woman!

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I wake up with a familair friend who's been haunting me since my divorce - an intense sadness and aching heart :*0( Ugh! Gotta focus and get on with the day...work, daughter Rachel, etc.



Gotta go through it to get over it...someday the sadness will be less intense and will pass. It's all part of healing my broken heart.



Knowing other friends are there for me and sharing in their grief/happiness/trials and life in general with me gives me all the strength to carry on. We all have our paddle to row. When we row the boat together we get through the tough times quicker and with more stregth.



Ok Amelia, let's row this boat faster! ;0)

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nobodysfallenangel
15:08 May 12 2008

Dude hold onto the good memories, and let go of all the negative ones. You will be ok. I will be home on Friday. I can't wait to see you, and give you a big hug! BTW happy late mothers day missy!

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I'm thinking of seeing this funny movie that is quite true to my life at the moment:



http://movies.aol.com//movie/forgetting-sarah-marshall/30383/video/trailer-no-1/2057700

My emotions and moods shift so often these days. I woke up this morning in such a sad mood and felt an intense heartache. It lasted through the early afternoon. Once I knew Rachel was going to be with daddy tonight and I am off tomorrow, I felt better! (Geez, no doubt about why!!!) Anyway, I am feeling ok by myself now and find myself enjoying the quiet.



I'm sensing that my soul needs this down and quiet time to heal. I thought it would be so hard to be ALONE, but when you are a parent alone time is hard to come by!



TIME is what I need now and I have to allow it to pass and flow through it. The days, weeks, and months ahead will have their share of dark as well as hopeful moments. Wishing for new beginnings and new friendships as my life changes with the decisions I've made.

...It's the lesser of the two evils. Either I buy a newer car for about 9 - 11 grand or replace the engine in my Honda for about 3 grand. The cost still BITES! My ex is not helping with one red cent. I have to use MY IRA retirement funds!! ***hole!



Hanging in there - one moment at a time and one day at a time. My heart really aches right now.



And this too shall pass.......

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Kontradiction
22:13 May 07 2008

i feel you my friend. cars ain't cheap these days, not at all.

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LostKitten
02:23 May 08 2008

Keep your head up. It does get better I promise. And this way you can say you did it yourself.

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