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That can't be your only reason!!

You can't use that as a response to everying.

ugh

im so..

tired!

this allergy medicine crap makes me so drowsy

when i walk i bump into walls and doors and i fall asleep in random places and overall, im just exhausted!

lakdglkfdfsldfj

i dont like being like this

i dont like sounded stupid and blonde.

*sigh* i hate being stereotypical.

Yeah, so my date was an ass

and so was my best friend's date.

My date ditched us after the dance for alcohol...

Katie's date was just fucking disgusting

horny bastard

anyways

at the moment

im so sick of men

this past year

all they have done for me

is disgust me

they are self-centered, egotistical bastards who think with their dick and stop being nice to you if you tell them that you dont want a relationship with them romantically

obviously, not all men are like this

and most the guys ive met on VR are great, although I've had my ups and downs with that too.

im sick of school.

im ready to graduate

move away to montana

and not deal with all this shit

im sick of choir

even though i still love it

and basically

im just sick of life.

sick of guys

sick of some girls

sick of people.

im tired of being chubby

and im tired of being the girl who has a car to use.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



im also mad at my ex for sleeping with his best friend.

its a stupid thing to be mad about

i mean, we're not dating

although everyone though we were gonna get back together

its like some days he wants to be with me

the other days, he wants to be with me just not "be with me"

ive decided im never going to tell him that i love him

ever

i mean really, whats the point?

i use to love...well...love!

I fought for it, believed in it, basked in it, and lived for it.

Now fight against it, run from it, hide from it, don't search for it and dont believe that I ever will actually want to deal with it.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



for the first time.. in forever

i wore outfits last week that didn't have black in them..

well, except my converse, but those dont count.



my friends and family wanted more colour in my clothing so i bought colourful clothing..mostly greens and blues

i mean, in the summer black absorbs more heat anyway so it really is kinda logical

doesn't change the fact that i want to wear all black though

but its weird

when i wear black, i want to be more colourful

when im not wearing it, i want to wear more black

im never happy with the way im dressed



in the end im just frumpy and chubby





blah

today was one of the only nights of my life where i actually felt amazingly beautiful.

or maybe just beautiful at all.

i feel like i came out of a magazine

i am not afraid to say that i looked gorgeous..

haha my feet hurt

and my legs hurt from shaking my ass

haha

good ol' prom

*shrugs* it wasn't as great as i thought it would be

but..

you cant really hope for more..

im happy to be out the dress

that squeezed my boobs

out of the shoes

that killed my feet

and

that im not with any other person than my best friend Katie! yay

so its late

im tired

my feet hurt

(my make up + hair still looks amazing)

we're gonna watch bridget jones's diary

sleep

and eat pancakes

*sigh*

good times.

Ok so..

I feel that this part of my journal

is kinda relevant to my life right now.

or..at least I feel it is.

not all of it..

but some of it.

Mainly the chorus.

The people who will really understand this, at all, would be Katie and Cat.

and its fine if nobody else gets it

actually, I'd prefer it that way.

I don't want you to know, or need to you know. hah.













~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~





Looking at your picture from when we first met

You gave me a smile that I could never forget

And nothing I could do could protect me from you that night



Wrapped around your finger, always on my mind

The days would blend 'cause we stayed up all night

Yeah, you and I were everything, everything to me



I just want you to know that I've been fighting to let you go

Some days I make it through... and then there's nights that never end

I wish that I could believe that there's a day you'll come back to me

But still I have to say, I would do it all again

Just want you to know



All the doors are closing, I'm tryin' to move ahead

And deep inside I wish it's me instead

My dreams are empty from the day, the day you slipped away



I just want you to know that I've been fighting to let you go

Some days I make it through... and then there's nights that never end

I wish that I could believe that there's a day you'll come back to me

But still I have to say, I would do it all again

Just want you to know



That since I lost you, I lost myself

No I can't fake it, there's no one else



I just want you to know

That I've been fighting to let you go

Some days I make it through... and then there's nights that never end

I wish that I could believe that there's a day you'll come back to me

But still I have to say I would do it all again

Just want you to know



That I've been fighting to let you go

Some days I make it through... and then there's nights that never end

I wish that I could believe that there's a day you'll come back to me

But still I have to say I would do it all again

Just want you to know

this entry is me ranting..

so if you dont like to listen to me rant

and hate having no idea what im talking about, because im definitely not going to tell you..

stop reading now.







these past two weeks have not been that good.

and im sorry if i snap at you

or ignore you

i've just been so bothered by people/guys/things that happened that im enveloped in my emotions

i dont mean to snap at you

and i dont mean to ignore you

now as for the reason i've be thoroughly bothered these past two or three days

im going crazy

im so upset

i didnt realize that something like that would make me so angry

i have no right to be angry

i shouldn't be at all

but every time i try to stop myself

the whole thing pisses me off more

and then just takes up more of my time by being angry

its a vicious cycle.

but ohhhhhh am i mad at you

mad mad mad

you dont know it

im not going to tell you

because technically

you didnt do anything wrong.

like i said

i have no right

none at all

to be mad

im just venting

this is how i vent

and right now

all my anger is directed at you

im a little disgusted, with yourself and me

me for feeling this way

you for what you did

even though its not your fault

im just crazy

in the end..

but that doesnt stop me

from wanting to slap you across the face

and call you a bastard asshole

haha.

that image makes me happy

i dont hate you

dont get me wrong

you're a great person

...great at pissing me off

no jk

you really are nice

and a friend of mine still

but at the moment

i cant bear to look at you



(this will apply to none of you.. except maybe if im snappy with you, sorry if i am)

i am being..

eaten alive

by bugs

i hate it

im so itchy

KILL THEM ALL!

x.x

Today was kinda just.. blah.

Im not in a very good mood at the moment.

I'm depressed and I feel betrayed, although I'm not sure who I feel betrayed by..

its just kinda a sense of betrayal

*sigh*



(This is actually from 5/4)