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This is the first attempt at my VR journal so here it goes. Lately it has been too scary to do any entries because so much has been going on insided of me that I wasn't sure what was going to come out.



First of all I have been under major construction for the last year. Having rediscovered punk music after many years led me to the Goth music and culture. Here I have really rediscovered myself.



Last year, concurrent with my epiphany, was the year from hell. My mother (my first best friend), my confidant began to succumb to Senile dementia. In June I went to visit my parents to help my dad take care of her for a week. During this time she became incrediable lucid which was a blessing. Having to tell her it was ok to let go was the hardest thing I ever had to do.



Upon coming home I proceeded to crawl into a bottle to try to kill myself from the inside out. I was tired of feeling. It wasn't long before I tried to actually kill my self. My husband stopped me and got me to a treatment facility I was only there two days when the word came that my mother had died. They had to rush me out to make it to the funeral. Being on massive antidepressants really helped, I ended up holding everyone else together.



It was about two weeks later ( still not realizing that I had a problem with alcohol) I crawled back into a bottle and made a serious attempt to commit suicide. Back to the treatment facility, it was here that I realized that I was an alcoholic and that I needed help.



It was funny. My whole family (at different times) told me to shut up, listen and do what they said. All things that I was not good at. I knew everything and was not open to suggestion. Amazing that when I did shut up, listen, and did what people said how much better my life became. I have been clean now for almost 8 months and life is good.