The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Well, I am finally resurfacing to the world I think. I have been very sick the past two days, but I am starting to feel a little better. Having my voice back is a good sign. I am still not feeling sociable. The family is up here AGAIN this weekend. They got in around midnight last night. Aunt lulu called me from clare at a little after 10 though...my uncle drives so slow. They got here and I played with Brayden a little and then mom said she was going to bed an I said yeah i am too. Moms at work and my aunt and uncle went fishing. They are flippin nuts. I am sooooo cold right now and they are outside on the water. Fuck that one. So yes until they get back I am watching children. Yay for that. Last night for the ten minutes I was up was okay. I think it was because Breanna fell asleep right away and Brayden was in a good mood and didnt have a constant whine in his voice lol which was also probably because breanna was sleeping :P She antagonizes him so much and makes him cry constantly. it gets old very fast. Apart they are angels. Together...its complete hell. Being sick I dont have the patience for it today. ill lock one of the monsters in moms room with a movie and put one in the living room lol. No hopefully they will be fine. They are normally okay if I am watching them. I think they do alot of it to get at aunt lulu and uncle jeff too.

Breanna can get very annoying. You watch her and you reaize over half the stuff she does is for attention. Like when I watch her and she starts picking on her brother shell look at me a majority of the time. Like she is loking for a reaction. and that is why she is doing it.After a while that starts to get under your skin. I lose patience real fast. Shes the only kid ive known that could make me lose patience.I just tell her flat out to stop and then she will say what innocently. I tell her to stop the act she knows what she is doing and she will say okay okay and ten minutes later she will be right back at it.

I think a big part o it is that her brother was born four years after her. When she needed the attention that a child requires, she only got half of it because her brother was a baby. Dont get me wrong she absolutly adores her brother but I believe that is why she acts up alot. Shes trying to get attention. Be it good or bad.

That is why I try to have more patience with ehr and I do alot of stuff with her. She just can crawl under your skin very easily. shes had alot of practice with ehr parents lol.

Well mat is here so i am going to end this so i can talk to him. I may add more later

I am so tired and I am very bored. I am just trying to will the time to pass. It isn't working very well. I wish Mat was here. he said he might not get back before 10...but I wish he was. I should just go to bed, i am so tired. I feel like all I do anymore is sleep though. Its kindof weird how much I sleep and I feel like I havnt slept at all. A couple nights ago I went to be at 8pm and woke up to my alarm at 7:15. I felt like I had only gotten maybe two hours of sleep. It is so crazy. I am getting a bunch of sleep and I feel worse then when I am on no sleep at all. I am getting sick though. I can definately feel it tonight. I hav a sore spot on one side of my throat and I have a runny nose. Damn all those sick people that have to sneeze eveywhere and wipe their hands all over the place. They all suck. I thought I was going to pass out in gym today. Thats when I knew I had to be getting sick. We do the same routine everyday. All we change up is if we do core or auxilery (Upper or lower body) I did my 3 laps that we do the begining everyday and I was so tired after and i knew i was fucked. Today was lower body and I did everything that we always do every other day. Ive never sweat in that class and after doing two things i broke out in a cold sweat. I think I may have broke a fever. I pushed myself to get through the entire workout and do 2 laps to cool down but holy shit did it suck. I stood up from doing leg presses and I was dizzy. My face felt like it was on fire and my skin hurt really bad. After the cool down laps I realized I had made my body go numb. I kept flexing my fingers and everything to make sure I still had control and I did. Tomorrow is going to suck even worse if I get sicker. I am trying to prevent that from happening though. Well my baby is on i am going o talk to him :)

I am lost in thought about the past again. I can't help it. I miss Mat so much. Sam stopped by about an hour ago for a few minutes because she was bored and wanted to see what was up over here in the boondocks of Mesick. I can't help but talk to Sam. She always has an open ear and she told me she can tell I am sad all the time. She said I still hide it well, but friends are supposed to be able to tell when something is not right. She made me feel really good. I realized that I havn't had many good friends in my life. Not until i moved here anyway. Everyone was so fake where I lived before. Their whole lives based upon the lies they spun every single day. I don't know how they can sleep at night...or do they actualy believe their lies themselves? I'm not saying there aren't any people up here that like to pretend they are something other then what they are, believe me we have them. They aren't here in abundance though, not like in Westland and Garden City. I almost don't know how I lived there before, how did I deal with the same old shit every day? The plain out stupidity?

I moved here and I HATED it. I hated everything i represented. The close knit town where everyone knows your name or at the very least your face, the whole towns school support, the friendly people who all said hello as you walked by them. I couldn't stand it. I wanted to be back home. I didnt want anyone to know me. I didnt want anyone to be kind to me. I've had alot of people change on me. They showed their true colors after a while and they were not the people I thought they were. I couldnt count how many times that has happened. I got to were I trusted no one. I got to where I suspected everyone was the same. they were all bastards and bitches underneath the friendly exterior. Just wait a few weeks and the real them would pop up to prove I was right. Sadly, that happened 9/10 times. With the attitude I had towards people, it started to not hurt anymore, I expected it to happen.

I got to where I literally disliked people in general. I didnt want to know anyone because a majority of them were fake. I realize that I missed out on the opportunity to find those that weren't, to find some people I could really have become friends with.I found that here though.

I moved here almost four years ago. Damn it seems like its been shorter then that but it has been four years.I know everyone and everyone knows me. I cant say I love that fact all the time but I do enjoy it more then I had originally thought. I have made some of the greatest friends. Some real genuine people that i am lucky to have found, especially Sam, Heather and Penny. They have been my support through alot of hell. I am thankful for them.

I found something I never expected to find in my lifetime, something I never envisioned myself opening up enough to do. I found love. I cannot express in words how much surprise I had when i realize I had fallen in love with Mat. Not to say anything bad about him at all. I just never thought I was capable of handing over my heart and hoping it would be cared for without knowing for sure. I let down every wall, every defense. I've told him every little thing about me, he knows all of my stories, good and bad. He knows my dreams, my goals. they are his too for the most part. I trust him completely and I love him with all of my being. I could not imagine myself without him by my side. I pray that I will never have to even remotely think of that possibility. Devastation would be an understatement.

I am happy with the way my life is now heading. I have a bright future to look forward to with Mat. I havea few great friends that I know I will have past school. I am truely very fortunate. I am grateful for every single one of them. I love you all!!!! I love you Mat!!!!

~Melissa

Onto the ramblings of today.

I am having one full day of doing completely nothing. I'm being lazy and staying in my PJ's until I can no longer stand it. Hehe. I am bounc to tick some people off, but I havn't been home by myself on a weekend in over 6 weeks. I am spending one day in my own company. No family.

I feel bad because I woke up from a quick nap a little while ago and Heather had called to see if I wanted to hang out with her before she left for college again today. I lost her number so I can't call her back. I dont have a way out there to tell her bye, but Terry Sam and I did spend an hour with her on friday night, which it was very nice talking to her and seeing what has been going on in her life. So I did get to see her this time and talk to her for a little while.

I think I am just going to find a good movie and curl up on this here couch with this here blanket and relax all day. I'll talk to Mat whenever he decides to get his arse out of bed and that will be about the most I'll do today. Hehehe

See...I have goals!

All morning I have been thinking of the past, so I am going to write about it. I keep thinking about how Mat and I met, and how our relationship progressed so quickly :P



In mid December of 2005 my life changed

drastically for the better. I met Mathew Kelly for the very first time. My sister and her boyfriend brought him along to our winter family reunion we have every year at courtyard mariott.



I remember I was sitting at the bar type thing, on a stool eating and heard my sister come in behind me. I turned around and my eyes instantly went to his. I didnt even hear what jen was talking about maybe she was introducing us? I dont know. She was completly tuned out.



I don't believe in love at first site. I dont believe it is possible to love someone without knowing them first. However, that was pretty damn close. I can definately tell you it was lust at first sight :P and that I definately wanted to get to know him. I had to swing around in the stool for a couple minutes. I thought I was going to make a fool of myself. I know I had been staring but I couldnt help it. He was the hottest guy I'd ever seen. I didn't want to be comepletely obvious, after all, I knew he had to be around jen or Robs age. I thought my age alone would be a big turn off. Its awesome to be wrong about some things.



He was hungover from the night of drinking the three of them had had the night before so he hadn't been feeling real well. We all made him get a little something to eat so he'd have somthing in his stomach and may start to get a little better. He went and sat on one of the chairs and the story about my scars came up. He wondered what everyone was starting to talk about so I told him the story of how i put a sword through my leg. Righ after finishing the story, one of my aunt carols adopted grandkids came running by with some nacho cheese and the thing flew out of his hand and went up in the air. I remember watching it come down in slow motion almost and then splat! both Mat and I were covered in nacho cheese, We were the only ones to get cheesed. Now, it is our little joke that we were destined by cheese.

I was having a hell of a time getting all of the cheese off me. it was all over the right sleeve of my sweater and my pants and Mat pointed out I even had some in my hair. So, we all decided fuck it, lets go swimming now.



Jen and I got dressed and went immediately into the hot tub. Hot water had sounded very very nice. I remember we sat there for what seemed like forever. After about maybe 5 minutes lol Rob came down the rampway. I remember thinking, okay wheres Mat? He sat by Jen and when I asked, he said Mat was in the bathroom. Jen asked if he was getting sick and Rob said he didnt know, but he didnt think so. Another couple of minutes passed and then I saw him walking down the rampway and ohhhh myyyy. I definately started staring and I couldnt stop. He sat in the water and I was still staring. I couldn't help it. So I thought of the first thing that came to mind that would explain why i was staring at him. I commented on his tattoos (I think it was the ones on his forarm i asked about first)

I then asked how many tattoos he had. he started to show me all of them. He has a barcode,a ying yang, a snake, 2 crosses, tribal, a bullet, and a smiley face he drew. That gave me a good excuse to comtinue to look at him :P He started talking some more, I think the hot water was helping him to feel better and I began to find out what an awesome personality he has.



After a little while of staying in there we switched to the pool. Or at least I did. They stayed in there for a little while longer before getting out. I started swimming and thinking. I didnt think anything would work with us. I figured if i even hinted at liking him he would be disgusted because I am younger. I settled with that...and I figured being friends was better then nothing. He got in the pool and I remembered to show him my scars from the sword and he seemed to think they were cool. I like them so I never thought anyone might find them repulsive until I had already started to show them to him and I was like damn it too late lol. But I know now that he definately does like them as well hehe. I remember going underwater alot so I could think and I wouldnt get in trouble for staring more then I should. I wanted to tell him that I liked him very badly, the more i got to thinking about it the more I wanted to do it, and the more I thought he wouldnt think i was serious...seeing as how we'd known eachther maybe two hours by that time.



After swimming we all hung out in the lobby for a while and then we decided to leave since it is always boring there. I told mom I was going to go with them for the night. I wanted to spend more time with Mat. Rob had drove his moms car so that put Mat and I in the backseat. They had the radio on so it was mainly the two of us that talked. I found out a couple little things we have in common. Taste in music for one as bad songs came on the radio and he commented on them and that we smoked the same cigarettes when we both pulled them out at the same time.



We got back to the house and really getting to know him began. He is an awesome person. Jen made a comment to me about how he had been complaining of his back the night before and when he said it was still a little tender she commented that I gove good massages. All I could think was oh hell yeah. lol. I said i would give him one if he wanted. I had been sitting at the computer and he was directly behind me. He said alright and I told him to sit on the floor in front of me. We all talked as I gave him a massage that lasted about an hour and a half. I couldnt stop, I loved touching him. He didnt want me to anyway so it was good. After that hour and a half they put a movie in so we went in the living room too. Mat asked if I would keep doing it and I said yeah. So I sat on the couch and he was on the floor as i continued giving him a massage. Now that I think about it, I have no idea how either of us could have been so blind as to not know that we liked eachother. It was very obvious :P



That night passed very quickly. He did his little tricks like making us fall through the floor. He kept telling me to relax but how are you supposed to be completely relaxed when someone you really like has their hands on you?

I tried and the trick worked and I was almost sad when it was over. I didnt move for a little while. That night I also knew what it was to feel jealousy. Mat still makes fun of me because of this and I have to blush. We weren't dating and he didnt even know i liked him or vice versa and still i got jealous.



Jens neighbor Jenny decided to come over and hang out for some of the night. She came in and started talking about a couple of hooker friends of hers and how badly they were doing. She started talking about her S& M classes and how in their last class they learned the appropriate way to spank someone. She told Mat to stand up and he balked for minute and he asked why very suspciously he told him to just stand and she was going to demonstrate. So she did. She rubbed on his ass frist and then showed how you were supposed to hit upwards. mat actaully started to laugh and sat down.Now that I think about it, he was a little uncomfortable. I was just seeing red lol. Actually, what I was really thinking was that there he goes. There was someone his age or around there that he would probably like, he wouldnt think of being with me. So, I was pretty quiet the rest of the night. We watched Dawn of the Dead and Mat learned what spooning was too. Jeny invited both of us over her house (Jen and rob had gone to bed) Because she has a king size bed and jens couches are uncomfortable. Mat said okay and said to me "your coming right?" and I said no I was fine. I figured they could have some alone time, since she liked him obviously and I figured he liked her as well. I never though by the "Your coming right" That it had been a hopeful question that i know it to be now. Nothing happened that night. Much to Jennys regret I am sure.



Mat came back early that next morning and we hung out a little more. Then it was time for me to get back to where mom was staying so we could come back up north until we came down for christmas. Mat gave Jen and rob his number and then he gave it to me also. I figured it was so I didnt feel bad or something. I dont know. I wasnt in a great mood. I remember I gave him a couple cigarttes, he had run out and he gave me a froggy keychain from his car. I kept that on me every day.



Christmas break came then. We went to dads for christamas day and we got visa gift cards. I decided to go with jen for the whole week. On the way to her house she said we shoud calll Mat. I said we should that would be fun and we got the cell out and gave him a call. They talked to him first and then I talked to him. I told him that he should come out and he said he would but he'd need a ride his car was still acting up or it was in the shop i cant remember. I asked rob and he said he would pick him up after dropping us off. We had pulled CVS so I could get some red highlights stuff to put in my hair and so I told him that. We had talked for a while before that but I am not sure about what. Anyway I told him rob would be there in about an hour and he said alright and we hung up. We got dropped off and it seemed like forever until they got back. I made jen do my hair to pass the time. They finally got there and Mat had brought us presents which was really sweet. We all just hung out and talked. We talked about going to the mall that night but didnt know how to get there with the four of us and only a ford ranger that has the two seats and the tiny middle. jen and Rob went to bed kinda early and mat and I stayed up for a while. We played around with the moods game. After that i layed down on the couch and he had pulled out the bed from the other couch and layed on that. He asked me how old I was then and I told him I was sixteen, would be for two more months. He said no way. and he kept repeating it every once in a while. I cant believe you're sixteen. I thought that blew it. We talked for a long time after that and fell alseep. The next day the thought of going to mall came up again and we decided to attempt it. So, Jen sat in the drivers seat, rob got the middle, mat got the other seat and I got mat's lap :D Yay! lol. Anyway it was a long bumpy ride there, we took the long way to avoid towns and cops so most of it was dirt roads. Mat had to go in and out of my pocket because my cigarettes were more accessible then his were so we would share one and he held my hair when the window was down, since it all went in his face hehe.



We got to the mall with no problems. Go figure the first store we decide to go into is Victoria Secret. lol. me and Jen both said how we needed some new suff so we went in. Mat came up behind me and put his hands on my hips and said lets go this way and guided me over to somesets placed on maniquins already I had put my hand sover his and said okay lets go lol. The line was waaaayyyy to line being the day after christmas so we didnt actually buy anything, just looked around. After that came hot topic. I looked around for a long while (Terry had given me a $50 HT card I forgot) and finally bought a pair of bondage pants, sleeves which i gave to Mat and a teeshirt. We got some food at a little restaurant and everyone thought we were together I think by the looks we were both getting. Then again we kinda matched we were both in black with leather coats hehe. After eating Rob wanting to go get a video game go figure so Mat and I went ouside to smoke. We started talking about a little more personal stuff. We went inside after we were done and found them ready to leave and walking towards us so we left. It was easier the second time getting into mats lap, we came up with a strategy lol. The ride home seemed alot shorter then the ride there. Then again maybe it was because I had grown accustomed to being on his lap and it was comfy. I laid my head back on his arm a couple of times. Both of his arms had been around me, he had rested his left hand on my leg. I dont remember it but i guess i had put my left hand over his and i was running my fingers over it? I dont know. It was a very fun ride to and from the mall though :) I enjoyed it immensly





When we got back to the house, we decided alcohol sounded good so i gave Mat my visa card to go buy some for us. jen had their own. So he came back with a 12 pack i believe. I change into my bondage pants to make sure they fit and then they were comfy so i didnt chnae back and i went and sat by the computer with him. I went and grabbed two of the beers and gave him one. Rob had come over i think during that point and made a comment about how we could be chained together. Mat had on bondage pants too. Mat then reached down and took one of his chains and hooked it on mine and i did the same so when one of us got up for more beer we both had to go hehehe.



The night progressed and that was the night i got my first massage from my baby. We had our first kiss that night too. That was soooo beyond nice. First baby nos too. We talked alot that night, alot of personal questions were asked and answered by each of us.I loved talking to him and getting to know things about him that no one else knew. it made me feel special and I enjoyed it alot. I think both of our words during that time was "Oh! Funny Story.."



The next day, December 27th we talked about what our relationship was and about what we both wanted. We started officially dating on that day. I have never been more happy in my life. I love him with all of my heart and I always will. Nothing and noone could ever change how much I feel for him. I want him more then I want my next breath. He is my everything.



I love you very much Mat. You will forever be my baby and I will forever be yours.

Yours eternally,

Melissa