The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

I havn't felt the urge to write a journal in a very long time, yet now I feel safe enough again to write down some of what I am feeling and some of what has been happening lately.

Over the past two weeks I have felt more alone then I ever have, I guess the reason being that I was away from my fiance and barely had any way to keep in constant contact with him. WHile I was gone so many things happened to both him and I. I guess someone masqueraded as me and told my fiance that I hated him, that he was a piece of shit and that i was cheating on him and had only been using him for his money.

I was furious. I cannot explaion how enraged I was. Not only did that person hurt him badly, they made me into everything I could never be. A cheater, a user and a fucking bitch. There is no way in hell that I could do any of those things to him, I love him more then life itself. If I didn't have him in my life I would go literally insane.

I had a glimpse of how that would be like when I didn't know if he was alright or not after finding out from a friend about this person who had told him all these lies about me. He had written a journal saying how nothing mattered anymmore and he didnt want to go on living anymore. I was devastated. All I could think of was what if he was gone? I wouldn't be able to stop him or ever see him again...I was a fucking wreck. I had no idea where to go, what to do. I went into the bathroom and fell to my knees and burst into tears. I had no idea if he was okay, I felt like lfe had been playing a game with me. Lets see how we can fuck her up for all eternity...well ther eyou go. I ACTUALLY prayed for his safety. I prayed that he would get in contact with me..even if it was a fuck you: I didnt care...anything to know that he was safe. I cannt begin to say how relieved I was when I recieved a message from him, I started living again.

Since yesterday I have been in a much better mood, I talked to him and everything was straightedned out fro the most part. We talked on the computer after the phone and got into a little quarrel, i guess the only reason being that I hoped he would trust me not to be like the girls he's had in his past but I understand completely that It is difficult, near impossible, especially with the situation we spoke of. Clubbing. I don't like the scene or the thought of it. The only reason I brought it up was because my cousin has been wanting me to go, I keep saying no anyway cause i dont want to go but I wanted him to know about it anyway just to see his reaction. I am completely cool with the fact that he doesn't want me to go, but i guess i just got stubborn and defensive because the way the conversation went on and him saying that women will be women..like I would be like all others...so i got my back up I guess.

Or conversation about that ended with him saying "Fuck it, its done" So my first reaction was oh god, hes going to break up with me over this, because of my curiosity about his reaction. I guess the reason that I always think that first is because it is my biggest fear, my worst case scenario in my mind if you will. I NEVER want that to happen and i am always scared that something will, just because I do care so much for him and it would really fuck me up if something happened between us.

I can honestly say I have never in my life loved anyone before him. I never thought I was capable of that emotion. Yet here it is. I have given myself over to him completely, my heart and my soul are his. He is my everything and always will be. He has possessed me in a way noone else ever will. I think about him every moment, in sleep I dream of him. There is not a moment that goes by where I dont think of him, am reminded of him, or that I am missing him. I only have to wait another eight months until I will be able to see him every day, at almost any moment that I would need to. I am near bursting with excitement over the thought of how great that day will be.

She was only five

This is what happened

When she was alive...





Her dad was a drunk

Her mom was an addict

Her parents kept her

Locked in an attic





Her only friend

was a little toy bear

It was old and worn out

And had patches of hair





She always talked to it

When no one's around

She lays there and hugs it

Not a peep of sound





Until her parents

unlock the door

Some more and more pain

She'll have to endore





A bruise on her leg

A scar on her face

Why would she be

In such a horrible place?





But she grabs her bear

And softly crys

She loves her parents

But they want her to die





She sits in the corner

Quiet but thinking,

"Please God, why is

My life always sinking? "





Such a bad life

For a sad little kid

She'd get beaten and beaten

For anything she did





Then one night

Her mom came home high

And the poor child was beaten

As hours went by





Then her mom suddenly

Grabbed for a blade

It was sharp and pointy

One that she made





She thrusted the blade

Right in her chest,

"You deserve to die

You worthless pest!"





The mom walked out

Leaving the girl slowly dieing

She grabbed her bear

And again started crying





Police showed up

At the small little house

Then quickly barged in

Everything quiet as a mouse





One officer slowly

Opened a door

To find the little girl

Lieing on the floor





It must have been bad

To go through so much harm

But at least she died

With her best friend in her arms









A child dies every day from child abuse. And if you have an ounce of pity in you for little Auroura and you hate child abuse with a passion you will repost this in your journal and help out those abused children and let them know that someone cared for them. It doesn't take that long only about 10 seconds so please just do it