I am just so insanely happy today. It is all because of one person. It is insane the things it takes to make a person happy. lol Especially me. I am one of the hardest people to pull from a slump, but this person can do it with ease everytime we talk. Tay for happy and a good day. lol. |
It is odd where one can find peace of mind. You never know where it will come from or how you will get it. What is odd is when you find it in a situation that you would normally turn and run from. Sometimes I hate creativity, imagination, feelings, emotions, and all that gooey shit that makes us human. Actually, most of the time I hate it. It always gets me into some sort of trouble that I can't seem to sort on my own, and then I end up with a depression that is beyond repair to add to what already exsists. I don't really have a point to this, which is why this section is called my randomness. I am so scattered right now that I am lucky I know my name. |
This is not fair. Other people do stupid shit and I am the one that in the end has to get the shit for it. I have done nothing to no one, yet I get shit on. People fuck up and so things and then they can't admit to their mistakes and be honest about it, and that is my fault too when the shit comes back out to haunt them. I lose everything for everyone elses retardedness. So my husband is leaving again, and this is my fault because I apparently broke some trust and told a secret that I did not know was a secret. I mean everyone knew about it anyways. I only told one person. So he is pissed off at me for that. You know though when you get down to it. It shouldnt be that way. I did not start all this. If the mistake hadnt been made in the first place the reprocusions of it would not be exsiting now, and if it were all told and honestly admitted to begin with then this would not have happened either. Either way I will pay for others mistakes and my honesty. It is how it always goes. People fuck up their lives and then I get drug into it and it becomes TOTALLY and SOLEY my fault. I am sick of being made to be the bad guy. I am sick of being made to look like a liar and a bitch. If you truley know me then you will know that I am neither of the two. People can believe what they want. I do not give a fuck anymore. All I wanted was an apology I knew it would never happen but I got it from one of two people, not the other. I never went to anyone. I was never out to ruin anything. APPARENTLY that does not matter. It is my fault. It is ALWAYS my fault when anything goes bad. All I can say is, god damn dagger and rose pagan community (when it exsisted) and all those that have caused me pain from withthin it. There are those that havent but the day that that group came into my husbands life, is the day that my life began to end. |
Sometimes things happen that you just do not and more than likley will never understand. That has happend to me tonight. I am left in a fit of confusion and wonderment. What do you do when you do not know what to do. When you have a fork thrown your way and you have to choose the road to go down. Life is made of so many different complicated decisions and they seem to get harder with age. They say with age comes wisdom. I guess maybe. One day I will understand, I hope. |
I am so totally sick of everyones stupid drama. It always comes back to me somehoe or another and half the damn time I do not know what it is about. Now in the current drama situation, I totally know the who, what, when, where and why. Either way, I just want to be left the hell alone about it all. I needed a confession from someone. I had gotten it from the other party involved but not one. I know that makes no sense to anyone reading this but to protect others privacy I keep this vague. Either way, this is just a rant to blow steam over people involving me in their pointless random life drama. Things I could give a shit less about. I mean parts of it I could give a shit about, but only the things that affect me. Other than that.... your drama is your drama. That is just me. I dont want anyones drama. Hell, I am a drama nazi for that matter. I am good at letting things go to, but I have to have apologies and truthfuleness to things that I already know are true before I will let them go. I hate when people make me look like a liar when they know they are the ones lying about things. That just irks the shit out of me. Either way like I said this is vague, and there are some that know what this is about. Those are the onles that would be pissy if they read it, but honestly. If someone does not like what I say then they should not read my journal, seeing as how I have not personally attacked anyone. Blah stupid drama shit. |
COMMENTS
-