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I put on this smile for everyone to believe, but can they really just see between the lines? You can't see behind the eyes with shades on. I've been feeling numb for the last few weeks, I put on this face that everyone expects to see.





But can they see the truth behind that smile? Can they really? Can they see the sadness in my eyes? Can they see the last bit of tears dried on my cheek from last night's cry? I wonder if they stared at me long enough that they will begin to worry.





I'm tired of ignorance but it seems that's all I get these days. But why can't I just feel alive, I just want to feel alive instead of feelng this numbness inside me. I'm so disgusted of my demise that I have no idea what to do with myself.

COMMENTS

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RavenousNightwind
06:34 Oct 02 2012

I've noticed, but I just don't say anything. Only because I feel if you wanted me to know then you would talk about it.

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I bet you don't know how to shed a tear, you haven't gone through the hurt and agony that I've stuck around when no one's looking, I'm lurking trying to get out of this drought, but you haven't realized it. You haven't took the time to realize what I'm feeling. If you look in my eyes you'll know I'm hurting.







You'll know I've been hurting. I don't want to speak, no I don't want to, I just want to be strong and see this through but I can't. I just don't think I care, cause I get too tired and I be leaving all the hollowness that's inside my soul.







You're part of my history but I just don't think I can make it up the last few steps, I feel like I've just fallen, fallen to pieces. Onto my knees I beg, I beg for something new, I beg for something to believe in.

What does it matter to you what I do, nothing. You're just a sad, sad, sad boy. You don't have any direction. You have no affliction, and you are not divine. You're not special, they say. They say you've been here and there. People only know one side of the story, but do they know how much of a liar you are? Do they know? Do they? If you could look into my eyes, would you look away or tell me something about truth?





I'd give you less than a week to mess up again, I don't give you chances anymore, you're running out of time boy. You're just a boy to me, you're no man. No man to me. You're a boy. A fucking idiotic boy. I am who I am but will you ever say the fucking truth?

I bet you haven't walked the long walks home, I bet you didn't walk through hell just trying to survive the pain that sat over that year. I bet you didn't know that I cried my eyes out till I slept. I hope you know, I hope you know that you ruined my life then but I'm doing just fine now. I don't need your sorry ass to compete with me. I'm strong, and these scars that lay on my skin tell me I've gone through paths that I didn't know where to go but now I see where I'm going, I'm no longer blind, no I'm no longer blind dear.









I hope you take a look at me and think "damn, I messed up" Well guess what boy, you ain't coming back to me, nope, not me. Go screw over some other girl's feelings, I don't need violence, and I don't need a cheater on my ass. And I don't need you to control my life like I'm a damn 2 year old. I'm not your play toy, I'm a fucking human being.







I hope who ever captures your fucking cold-heart that they catch your disease. Right then you think I miss you, honey well that's where your damn fucking wrong, cause I miss you or your pathetic ass. So here I am seizing the god damn day without you. I'm living my life to the fullest without you. I'm doing just fine without you.

But here's the question.. do you ever think about me like I think about you? Am I the first you think of when you wake up? And the last thing you think of when you sleep? Do you know how many times I've cried myself asleep knowing that I feel alone while in this drought, does it make you feel alive just like it kills me when we said we'd see each other soon, it wasn't a goodbye, and let me tell ya I hate goodbyes and they kill me too cause when I lose someone of death I never say goodbye I always say 'see ya later' I can't look at you in the eye and keep a straight face..