The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Today, I faked diarrhea to sleep in the bathroom at work. I feel no guilt. I only regret not having brought my phone to watch Netflix.



(How do you fake diarrhea? You just go to the bathroom, make noise with the toilet paper roll as if there isn't enough toilet paper to ever solve cleaning yourself and keep the water running -- you're welcome)

COMMENTS

-

---

BLOODLIFE
18:24 Oct 22 2013

Typical, it's 'all' fake with you girls, and again without the guilt!

---

CryingDutchess
18:30 Oct 22 2013

Ha! That's an entirely different journal entry -- and I am sooo very guilty of having done that... But, not to avoid work or watch Netflix.

---

Lylia
18:51 Oct 22 2013

lol nice

---

POST COMMENT

Watching Halloween and Jamie Lee Curtis tells the kid she's babysitting how she'd never let anything happen to the kid...



Fuq outta here... You have a better chance of saving your tiny ass than I do. Good luck, little muhfucker... I'm gone!



Yep, don't hire me. Your kid will just become bait.

Bless the crappy cinema of the horror genre -- without it, I wouldn't have ego enough to thoroughly believe I will someday sell one of my scripts.

Special shout out to the remake of "House of Wax"

that movie reel is such a hot mess it's amazing it never melted on its own.

COMMENTS

-

---

BLOODLIFE
01:28 Oct 22 2013

Give me Hammer anytime!!

---

CryingDutchess
01:37 Oct 22 2013

Whatever bludgeoning instrument you wish, my dear.

---

DuckStar
02:15 Oct 22 2013

Yep.



Still haven't seen that one (or the original) yet.

---

CryingDutchess
02:17 Oct 22 2013

Save your soul, Ducky! Paris Hilton is in it.

---

DuckStar
22:11 Oct 22 2013

Ha!



Fuck that shit. First the broad thinks she can act and now she thinks she can sing. Again.





Pfffttt the bimbo needs to stick to folding towels in her daddy's hotels.

---

CryingDutchess
23:09 Oct 22 2013

I think I love you, Ducky.... You're my kind of class obnoxious. I totally dig that about you.



Yes, fuck that skank. She doesn't even make good porn.

---

POST COMMENT

Observation: I am watching the 1990's version of Total Recall -- and I couldn't help but wonder; the blonde dwarf who plays one of the hookers, has to be the prettiest dwarf I'd ever seen! ANd I have seen 3.



This is not meant to be disrespectful, and if you dont know me well enough to know I would not make such dick comments. Now, if you still find yourself pissy -- and youre not even a dwarf; go fuck yourself, you short-person predator! If you are a dwarf -- get over it, you probably have bigger tits than I do.

Anonymous-403: omg your like in your 40s trying to look young get the fuck off this site you ugly bitch lol



Best compliment I've had all day!! I look mature for my age!

Thanks for having the balls to speak up without hiding behind your anonymity.

*yawns*

I don't get it. I don't really care -- so that kind of evens it out. Are you blocking me because I didn't rate you a ten? Are you blocking me because I won't suck your blood or any other dangling participle? Or, are ya just hating on the Dutch, cuz my awesomeness is so blinding, you fear it leaking into your page like global domination -- honeys, my global domination will happen regardless.



Block On! Because, you're kiddies acting like I kicked your puppy. *Punt* so, I guess, that's how I roll with you types. Hide your pets. I'm punting field goals with them. Dopes.

Greatest. Show. Ever.



My paranoia has shifted into an entirely different gear! I have so many fantastic new ideas for the inevitable zombie apocalypse that would leave a sequel to World War Z (the book -- not the flick that just so happened to have the same title)



There are so many things I need to reinforce around my house. That, and properly secure munitions and choose who amongst me might have to be sacrificed as a distraction.



I'm in heaven with this nonsense!

COMMENTS

-

---

DuckStar
04:08 Oct 18 2013

I already know what I am going to do and who gets sacrificed for the greater good. That's kind of why I like to make sure they eat.. Really good. :3

---

CryingDutchess
13:52 Oct 18 2013

That's it, Ducky! Thunderbuddies for life!

LOL, I already have an escape route, rally point, fall back point and three different weapon caches. Food is my only fail zone, but that's just because I am working on moving again, soon. I've also been back on my cardio... I just don't get to the range anymore.



If all my babysitters never exposed me to zombie flicks since I was around Emerson's age, I would be considerably less phobic about the possibility of it even happening.

---

POST COMMENT

Attempting to watch this Mary Queen of Scots shyte... I think the CW is trying to call it "Reign"



You cannot be serious... Not only is the nomenclature of the day a mixture of modern day English and Hollywood slang, the drama is straight out of any high-school -- and this is all before the first commercial.



If I don't finish writing something soon, I won't be able to help save the world (or the goddamned cheerleader)...

True, I might've laughed at fart jokes... But, just like those never get old for guys -- the term "poo poo" is still funny as shit to me.

COMMENTS

-

---

DuckStar
01:06 Oct 17 2013

I see what you did there.



Or maybe you didn't mean to, but... I still saw it.



;)

---

CryingDutchess
02:09 Oct 17 2013

Oh, I meant it, young lady... And I totally dig that you got it ;)

---

POST COMMENT

What I'm about to say is a huge "DUH-fest" to the veterans here, but if I don't rant on the rave, my shrink gets extra co-pays out of me...



Personally, unless you catch me with the first few sentences of your profile, I'm going to rate, stamp and keep it moving. However, I actually do read profiles! Call it OCD, call it stupidity, call it a waste of time... But, like a cereal box left on the table -- if it's there, I'm probably going to read it.



I'm just so very bored, so very very very bored of the one-liners advising of the myriad super-model vampires and vampire-groupies looking to bite or be bitten -- want to know more about them, I have to message them?! Dafuq???



I love learning about new things, dark, light, tan, rainbow... Call me a sponge. Don't call me a vampire/lycan/wiccan/Michael Jordan.... Nada. I may have heavy interests in all of the above, but I also love French toast and I haven't considered claiming to being French nor toast.



If you put an iota of effort into writing a profile, I will probably just rate a damn 10 and keep going. If you have some silly shit about having a 20-inch cock and looking for a blood donor -- as hard up as I may be these days, you're getting somewhere between 1-4. (4's are for 25-inch cocks).



All that being said, for those of you who feel compelled to ask me random idiot questions (the latest was about my blood type) about being profile buddies or journal buddies because we are both carbon-based life forms and therefore bonded -- quit it. Sadly, I like random idiot questions, and you're ruining them for me.



I realize this is VAMPIRE RAVE, and some of us like to kinda role-play with it a bit -- I totally get it and I salute you. Just respect that I have to live my grandiose human life, and if I haven't searched you out, I'm probably not going to be checking in to donate blood, have a threesome/foursome/fivesomes or sacrifice gerbils with you.



End rant. (And saved $40 co-pay)

COMMENTS

-

---

BLOODLIFE
19:08 Oct 16 2013

See now I don't see that as a rant but a good entry that tickled me. So thanks for that!

---

DuckStar
19:20 Oct 16 2013

I was recently asked if I knew I was a Succubus.



Then asked why I wouldn't turn anyone or why my mate wasn't a wolf.



I think people are confused and delusional. Or just so intune with their RP that they think everyone is. Sadly, I am just a bag of skin and bones dancing to the sound of my own heart beat. Or, at least I like to pretend I am, you know, since supposedly I don't have a heart beat.



;p

---

CryingDutchess
19:30 Oct 16 2013

Blood, anything to make you smile, dear :)



Ducky -- *hysterical laughing* I just had the image of some kid sniveling and typing frantically to you about "Why you no turn me?"...

On the real, if you happen to know an incubus, hook me up. Jussayin'.

---

DuckStar
22:31 Oct 16 2013

LOL



If I ever meet one, I'll send them your way. ;)

---

SLEEPERKING30
23:57 Oct 24 2013

holy shit!!!!

have I found a honest woman??





bless the devil

I thought your kind extinct







HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

---

CryingDutchess
03:15 Nov 01 2013

Well, Sleeper, liars are covered very well by both genders. My inability to engage my mind to mouth filter seems to make me more of an anomaly. Basically, I trust as far as I can throw a person (I'll either desire to be strong enough to bench press you and throw further... Or not. Probably why I tend to be such a loner.

---

POST COMMENT

If it didn't sound like I was masturbating with the shower massager, I'd try yodeling in the bathroom.

Just a thought.

You try to warn people about yourself, albeit, politely -- fewer curse words, no rude gesticulating and next thing I know, there is the five-finger death touch of the birra on my profile...



At first, I'm not gonna lie -- I kinda fist-pumped the air, but my cat was watching so I played it off like I was stretching... Then, the pressure of always impressing the birra set in! What if my grammar is off? The wrong font color? What if there is flatulence I think no one else can hear??



Now, I feel like a girl waiting to go to prom, but can't find her dress... Wait, that sounds whorey... See? The mystical madness of the mark of the birra.



(Thank you)

COMMENTS

-

---

birra
01:39 Oct 17 2013

No, it's only whorey if you want to go home FROM the prom, but can't find your dress....

---

CryingDutchess
02:15 Oct 17 2013

So wise, in a "hide your daughters" kind of way... I bet you're registered all over the neighborhood *wink wink, nudge nudge*

---

POST COMMENT

I've changed tons since I've done my portfolio last... I want to change it... Really! Just like I keep meaning to code my profile... But, see, what had happened was...



Besides, my profile has one of my most recent.



*cries* ohhhh but I miss my kickass profile.... wahhhhh.... Yeah, no excuses on that one... Damn.



Yes, I am talking to myself... It is called self-motivation: the art of bullshitting thyself

Very deep stuff.

Ugh... ok. coding coding coding.... I would rather be having a sex life. Or a dental appointment. Or a sex appointment with a dentist....

Okay, I'm really going to get this done...

Ooo! Something shiny! *brb*

COMMENTS

-

---

dabbler
04:06 Oct 17 2013

A Sub Genius calls thay pulling the wool over your own eyes.

---

CryingDutchess
13:22 Oct 17 2013

No one likes sub geniuses... dabsy :)

---

POST COMMENT

Entered my crappy poetry in the Halloween contest... Nailed it.

This is the 7th time Ive made the attempt.

Now, I'm giving in to Sleepy Hollow, which is uber-shite... Hey, am I lying when I say it is wannabe Joss Whedon -- and failing? At least, Joss could pull a musical out of it.



So many a time, I wish I'd committed to an addiction. At least, I'd be able to feign entertainment.

You know that feeling of relief when you bust you ass and there are no witnesses? Yep, just had a "special" moment... Probably would've scored "10" from the Swedish judges....

COMMENTS

-

---

DuckStar
00:49 Oct 15 2013

A ten?

Was it acrobatic or one of those "how did I trip and fall over air" moves?



I'm pretty prone to have one of those moments at least once every week or so. That and whacking my head off a cabinet door. LOL

---

CryingDutchess
01:07 Oct 15 2013

LoL It was graceful, in the fact that it was it's own ballet from carpet, to bed corner to floor... With a half twist. The relief was the lack of witnesses due to my lack of clothing.



I have my more acrobatic moments... Unfortunately, those usually have witnesses.

---

DuckStar
01:22 Oct 15 2013

LOL



I have taken a curtain down in a moment like that. Thankfully that was the night I decided PJs were a good idea, being that is was too cold to be in the nude. ;)

---

CryingDutchess
02:02 Oct 15 2013

I just finished working out and wanted to impress my cat.

---

DuckStar
02:22 Oct 15 2013

LOL



Nice.

---

SpellBound
04:01 Oct 15 2013

For the Cat omg girl you crack me up lol.... Were you attempting to all stealth like as well?

---

CryingDutchess
04:08 Oct 15 2013

Like she would respond to human stealth and not laugh. Come on, woman... Shes a cat!

---

POST COMMENT

Yes, her voice is beautiful. It oozes feathers, and God and cotton-candy for starving children... Nay, there are NO starving children in her voice.



So, now that every kicked puppy, cat on it's second-to-last life and victim of termites has a soundtrack with her voice -- I now know what soundtrack plays in hell. Not Anthrax, not Metallica, not Type O neg and not even Marilyn Manson... It's Sarah Feel-Guilty-Awfullin'.



It's amazing she isn't recruited to end the furlough...

I know I have been gone for a couple of years... Tough. The polls I am coming across are ten shades of 'toopid. And yes, I am taking part anyway for the damn status upkeep. LoL.

COMMENTS

-

---

LordFangor
22:00 Oct 13 2013

Good observation. The IQs have certainly dropped around here.

---

CryingDutchess
00:41 Oct 14 2013

LordFangor -- you're too kind for even giving me credit for pointing out the obvious. It's really gotten bad...

---

LordFangor
02:56 Oct 14 2013

And the last couple of days have been relatively calm.



:)

---

POST COMMENT

If not for zombies, I'd be really feeling depressed about the nine or ten fucking weddings I've secretly been making myself vomit whenever mentioned on fast-food social media (fb, twitter, insta)... I'm so fantabulously over hearing about everyone else's ooey-gooey happy shit. Not to mention, statistically speaking, I will be hearing about the separations, mistresses, sexual identity crises and divorces in half of these unions. Not that I wish it on anyone (though, statistically, if you fail, my chance of success would be improved...)



No, zombies, will make me smile and double-check under my bed, secure my sharp object of choice and overall distract me from these goddamned happy people with the promise of apocalyptic devastations that make the mere thought of a wedding ceremony about as laughably sad as a one-legged child with a kick-stand.



Ugh. Let's face it... Dutch needs a medic to fix this heart of hers, STAT. I don't want to be a hater... I want to be a masturbated masturbator! (j/k) That's getting old, too. I miss having a reason to smile anymore. That's all.

Umm, so, you know how if you give honor it is deducted from your honor? Yea... Reading is Fundamental, Dutch, you ding dong...

COMMENTS

-

---

KingOfTheZombies
01:23 Oct 10 2013

When you give honor, it is not deducted from your honor. How much honor you can give is based on your particular level.



If I give someone honor, 30 days later, that honor would come off of their honor log. This is why honor fluctuates.

---

CryingDutchess
01:39 Oct 10 2013

Thank you for the intel... Sadly, I figured that out in a very silly way -- which was what prompted me to write this entry to make fun of myself.



Still, you could've come in here calling me a ding dong, too... Thanks for that!

---

KingOfTheZombies
02:06 Oct 10 2013

I do try to be helpful. I remember what it was like trying to figure out how everything works on here.



I am so glad you found out how this works on your own. So many members don't.

---

Saetan
03:51 Oct 10 2013

Oh Duchy! You Ding Dong! How I love you dearly and oh how badly I have missed you and am so glad you are back....

---

DuckStar
01:06 Oct 17 2013

So many members expect to be hand fed with a silver spoon, too, LF...

;)



Good job! Especially being away as long as you were, you caught on quickly to the changes. :)

---

CryingDutchess
02:10 Oct 17 2013

Yeah, but I am totally into being spoon-fed...

---

POST COMMENT

Not without my fuckity awesome Joker layout, anyway...



*sigh* I think it's time for me to accept that I'm really revamping CryingDutchess... Or, giving into being ambivalence and not doing one thing one way or the other about this or that every so often.



By the way, I still have cramps... And no one to rub my tummy and let me curl up with them... So that I can search their pockets for candy and loose change without detection...



I do have cookies, though... The super crunchy butter-toffee ones :) (so, come get some!!! stupid menstrual warfare!)



I swear, I'm living like fucking royalty. Really. Even my new tampon box is all shiny. Hope my paternal roommate doesn't get hypnotized by it if he randomly looks under the sink.

COMMENTS

-

---

Mystic
23:45 Oct 09 2013

Bahahaha! Oh let me count the ways that I have missed you.



1. 2.3.4.5.6. to infinity and beyond

---

CryingDutchess
00:55 Oct 10 2013

Sis!!! SO much television to rot our minds with in 4 minutes!! Love jooooo

---

POST COMMENT

Strawberry Ice Cream wins. *throwing on jeans to drive to the 7Eleven like a bleeding and crampy heifer*

Oh, I recognize some of you... The ones, who couldn't wait to send pics of your furry little penises... Oh, I remember you, too! Floppy breasts can be like fingerprints, too! And you, just waiting to "fuck me" verbally... I remember when your profile and portfolio looked a little different.



As for the sweethearts, the genuine friends, the flirty-keepers and the quiet ones always chilling out in the rafters, I recognize you, too -- and you have been missed.



CD

COMMENTS

-

---

xXSeductiveXLustXx
03:01 Jul 24 2014

=P

---

POST COMMENT