The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

my backpacks got jets

well im boba the fett

well i bounty hunt for jabba hutt

to finance my vette

~

wicky wicky woo

~

well i chill in deep space

a mask is over my face

well i deliver the prize

but i still narrow my eyes

cuz my time

i dont like to waste



♥ Mc Chris ♥

~~~

OH snap...its finally time for allysons bday...its going to be so fun. cant wait.



im so fucking tired of getting stupid ass emails from a retarted ass child who needs to fucking get a life. i mean, its been like...6 months and she still feels like the need to talk her dumb ass shit to me. i really wish people would honestly grow up and think before they speak. i really dont even know what it is she feels she has to say to me. i was nice to her in the beginning...really im not a mean person unless u get under my skin...then im a total bitch...just being honest. but now its just getting annoying. she isnt even in the same state as i am now...and she still has to email me. umm really...ur days away and u still have no life? jeeeezus...I really dont get why she feels the need to threaten me..i mean, if it wasnt for me. u wouldnt even be with ur new husband...i got u guys back together...i was the one telling him he needed to talk to you..and this is how u repay me? like i said...get a fucking life.



This week has been the longest and dumbest week ever. Other than the stupid ass emails...my doctor is a fucking joke...i cant get my meds filled at the moment. and my obgyn thinks i am an addict to pills...funny thing when u try to hand them a nonfilled script of vicodin back cuz u dont want it...and u get called an addict...still makes no sense to me what so ever. i just want to kick her in the damn throat.



Is it just me...or has syfy gotten completely retarded? even the actors are bad...i was watching halloween and its funny how bad the sex scene was...sounded fake and the scream was horrible...idk i notice these things...i hate syfy. and i had to cut all my hair off cuz i fried it so bad...i really should stop bleaching it for random colors...lesson learned? probably not.



Night world

Sitting here listening to music. Remembering my days with all my friends and the chaos we caused. I turned 22 on saturday...where have the years gone? I miss all my girls and guys from school...from my probation days...from my funfun party days. Right now im listening to Luniz-I got five on it...(i love all sorts of music other than country) and when I hear these songs, i just want to build a time machine. Another year has come and gone...i feel like i just celebrated my 21st not so long ago...I have friends have kids and getting married. Moving away and graduating college...dont get me wrong, i wish them all the best and love them all i just miss them is all. I look at my sister and think she has no idea what it means to lose friends. Shes 18...has a son ( i love him dearly) but she didnt have what i had 18 and under...there are times to morn and there are times to celebrate. There are times to cry and times to dance...are there times to just remember? I love my friends...they mean the world to me...I guess that is just what getting older means...yay adulthood.



Decay

So...aside from the rain, its been a really good day so far. Jay only worked til noonish today so I wasnt home alone very long. But in the time I was, I got to make plans with one of my girls Lacey and got to talk with an old friend of mine. Got my costume for the halloween bash all set, getting a legit corset from Lacey and I get to see her son Adian and her fiencee Billy...i love talking about them even more now that they are engaged. two of my best friends getting married? uhh hell yeah! My birthday is this saturday, sucks that jay works but atleast i get to spend some of it with him...then back off to my rents...then back here on wednesday...gothnight then paranormal activity 3 with jaymes alli lyss and prolly rob.

Today has been the only good day. Well...this morning like, midnight i fell down these damn stairs and messed my back up...but come to find out, it was already messed up so i guess all i can do it make it worse...ugh. But other than that and the rain...its been good. I really miss my friends, i cant wait to see Lacey...i love her so much. Im so excited...

UMM...im watching spongebob....AND krabs told spongebob to give him a shocker...hmm....ooooh-kaaaaay....

anyways....yes ill be 22 and i still watch it....what of it.



Decay~

Ugh....got to be in bed soon, i hate when i cant sleep. I have family pictures tomorrow then off to Jaymes' house...plus i need to get smokes. I have been smoking so much lately....I really would like to quit...i just dont want to gain any weight. I have an appointment next week to get my medication changed. My bipolar has gotten worse, i feel like im a total bitch to everyone, even when i dont try to be.

got some really good news today, one of my best friends got engaged, yay wedding! Jaymes is trying to save up money for my new ring...but im not suppose to know about it...lol~ i get nosy...he should know this by now. Found some shirts on fckh8.com...i love that website...umm....Ally's birthday is coming up...she says im more excited then she is lol and its true. i really cant wait. We are doing our birthdays together since they are only 4 days apart...hell...yeah. My sickness has yet to subside, i am just wanting this surgery to get done with so i dont have to worry about it anymore. i am to the point, that i just want to do it my damnself instead of waiting on my stupid ass doctors. i want to kick them in the throat...Been spending alot of time watching AMC...3 days and nights of stephen king has been keeping me from going insane. Jaymes got me the new evanescence cd for my bday, just waiting for it to get here. Well...i am watching Thinner now and i need to get to sleep...so heres the blog about my life recently...hope it was interesting lol. Night world~

So...my meds are making me tired but once i lay down, i am right back up. All i do is think...and thinking always gets me into trouble. Jay and I got into a stupid pointless fight becuz of my thinking...about the past and how i am still not over it. He is coming to get me tomorrow after work...i cant wait to see him. It feels like its been forever but its only been less than a week. I have been getting alot of the things I need to get done...worked on. Im getting them done slowly. I hate feeling like crap. I am always looking so pale...and past few days my lips have been blue. Thats not a good sign. One of my favorite bands are coming only a few miles from me...and I already got my tickets. I am so excited. Avenged Sevenfold....ah...i might cry, its been so long since i have been able to go out and actually enjoy myself. I need this tho. I really do...right now i am just sitting here watching ATHF...waiting for sleep to settle in....but its taking forever. My doctors have had me on morphine lately and i HATE it...i hate feeling sick all the time and I HATE feeling like a damn doll. I found out what i looked like while i am on these meds...i told my doctors i dont want them anymore...lets see how well i go without medication.

I got a letter from the coping center i was in a few months ago...asking how i have been doing. im not going to let them know how i have been...fuck that. last time i asked for help i was sedated into a bed for 3 days. NO thank you. I am trying to get myself better and feeling better. not only health wise but personality wise also. I am so mean to people right now. I bitch and scream at everyone but its like im a different person when i do it. I hate being bipolar. sometimes i feel like its not even me when im doing these insane things. I yelled at jaymes about something he did when we were broken up...cuz it still effects me now even if i dont want it to. i just wish he understood better...he tries. So thats all i can ask for. well....i should go and try to sleep again...Jaymes will be here early so i should sleep....night world~

I wanted to know who you really are

I needed the chance to stitch up my scars

I'm closer to you then I was in the start

Come dive right in and tear me apart



I'm trapped and we can't get along

I thought that I was strong

We are so unstable

In bed I'm strung out from your touch

But I won't give you up

We are so unstable



I wanted to learn about the dark side of you

You bring me down like a bottle of pills

I hate the way that you're making me feel

I keep coming back I never get killed



*Adema*



~*~*~*~



So its 4 in the am and i am still up...wtf, really? Jaymes and I got into an argument. I HATE it when we fight. its not alot but when it happens...fuck. I am trying my fucking hardest to get myself back on my medication. trust me i need them. but i cant help the way i am. I am bipolar...get over it. I try to bite my tongue...I try to keep my mouth shut...but that time era is a touchy subject and i really dont like talking about it because I will start to shake and scream. I freak out over the dumbest shit anymore, not with jaymes i mean in my life in general. But when it does happen with him...I feel like i start to break. I feel like i bend and bend to make our past go away but i am at my breaking point. I hate when i look around and see things that remind me of that time period. I was looking around the bedroom for something for allisixx and i found that nasty bitches name on something and i cut it up into pieces and then threw them on the floor....but then when i realized what i did....i felt like an idiot. My meds need to get into my system before i end up fucking killing someone. I am to the point that i honestly hate everyone and everything. its nothing or noone in particular its just everything. I hate what i have become and i hate how i treat people now. I honestly feel like i am about to fall into another hole even tho i just clawed myself out of one. My hands are bleeding and I feel weak yet I have another obstacle i need to crawl out of. I am so sick of being sick....I am so sick of everything for some fucked up reason going wrong. Like work and living arrangements. I will be 22...wtf is wrong with my life? I couldnt even finish school im so damn stressed out...AH! i dont know why i keep blogging about it all...it doesnt help me in anyway...I guess maybe its just a way to get my problems out of my system....i really need to stop thinking so much.

On a random note. I cant wait for Halloween. Got my costume all ready for the halloween bash at iNation. and I cant wait to take Alli...shes so excited...but im pretty sure i am more excited then she is...she has no idea what i have in store for her...lol....well...this has gone on way to long...so night world~ enjoy my random thoughts that i seem to spill onto you.



Decay~