The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

OK- this is the same story posted previously- I am working on it and trying to grow it as a full story. Please don't hesitate to conact me with your thoughts/comments. Cheers!



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As a child of no more than five, I remember the fear invoked in me. I could sense something right outside of my window, and the feeling it gave me would keep me up all night. Panic driven, knowing that something unseen was preying on me. Then, just as quickly as I this presence came, it would be gone and sleep seemed to take over my conscious thought.



My dreams each of those nights would be filled with my running from some unknown danger, one that was just beyond my sight. Feeling as deer must when standing staring into the headlights – danger – yet unable to move. Helplessness overwhelming me, the taste of bile on my tongue and then the scene changes. Suddenly, I’d be in my grandparent’s house running through the rooms, lost within the unfamiliar dreamscape of something that I should remember, knowing they were going to find me. Run. I don’t know what they are, I just feel in every bit of me I must… RUN. In and out of rooms I would go, knowing they were just around the corner I passed. Trapped in a room by the hall, I would try to calm my breath so not to give my whereabouts, my mind racing about where would be safe. Noise. Just outside, slowly now breathe in and hold. Let it out, just as slowly. Breathe… creaking of the floorboard just outside my sanctuary, moments left, will they pass this room? Footsteps quicken, past my space and down the hall. Then scene change, he’d show up, grab my hand and lead me into a hidden passage. I had no idea who he was, I just knew that he was safe. He would silence my questions with a soft touch of reassurance, smile and then quicken our pace. It was in a dark, winding passage that he would finally speak with me. He never told me who he was, it was as if I should know him. There were glimpses in that tunnel where he would look quizzingly at me, a glance to ask, “Do you remember yet?”



Finally, just as I was sensing dawn, the tunnel would end and we would emerge from the house just feet from where the tunnel started. Was the tunnel impossibly long or did time still for us, I had no inkling. All I knew was that we would make our escape through the white picket fence and down the street.

The feeling of dread would come in future years. Not the fear from the beginning of the dream, by this time I knew he would find me, I just had to hang on. Rather, I dreaded when our time in the tunnel was to end. I learned things while in the tunnel with him, small significant bits of his personality, and love.

I was in my mid-twenty’s that I realized he was my protector. Something so obvious it had eluded me twenty years. I still dreamt my dreams, but by this time I controlled them more. Each year after my eighteenth birthday made me more aware. I seemed to be blossoming, both physically and in my awareness. I went from being unaware of the magic around me to being obsessed with it. I started to see that certain people gravitated to me, wanting small things at first and eventually healing. Often unaware of the relevance of my words, people began to listen to my advise and I slowly understood that I was a healer. No longer was my only contact with him in my running dream, he now came with my dreams of desire. I was still not aware enough to understand that he was my lover. I figured that the dreams could not resemble any of the physical sensations, there is no way that I could know or understand the workings of coupling. He was introducing me to touch and feeling that my young body craved, all whilst I slept. Through my dreams he taught me how I should feel in love, what true intimacy would mean. Reading each other’s thoughts and entwining our spirits so completely that I just understood. But this would have it’s own consequences.



His primary objective was my protection. Why, I still don’t fully understand. There are many bad things in this world, some of which attack us young so we don’t notice them as adults. They become our “normal”. These were not allowed to latch on to me, my markings will not allow this, nor will he. Whenever I found myself attacked in such a space, I could feel his anger flowing to the origin of my attackers. Interestingly I also found at those moments, that I was unable to speak loudly or leave my home. I could spend two days in this state, until the sensation blew away, and I knew I was again safe.



By my twenty’s I knew there was something else behind this protection, our bond was too great. I began to wonder if he was my soul mate that for some reason, was not allowed to be physical on this plane with me. Had we committed some crime that forced us into this, or had we chosen this exile for some greater purpose? Did my birth markings bring and bind him to me? Perhaps I shall never know the reasons, what I do know is that in my thirties he has gone.



Not just away, there were many times throughout my life when his presence was not felt, but I could still even at great distance sense him. No longer can I find that thread between us. I try and try to pull and sense something, anything but now it is gone as if it never existed.



Since he left I have had two relationships where I finally had physical sex. Both time never touched me, moved me to anything. The sensations were fascinating, sweat, pain, and physical closeness. Spiritually, I felt nothing. It was as if I were trying to create the same binding here on this plane and instead I was closing a door.



So tonight I sit here thinking about him, wondering what has happened. When or if he will return either way I long for more. So much so that it hurts.