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And now the moment I've been waiting for. The complete melt down as I adjust to my new budget, and am "short" because I do not have support I once had.



I know whine whine whine.



I CAN and more importantly, HAVE done this before. Still. Hrph.



Anyone who has been through it can try to explain the gut wrenching aspect of how the hell...?!!!



Still I'm a bit more complex in regards to my immigration status.



The plan is simple, and will be effective, but it takes time. That is what scares me the most. So, off for some positive affirmations and final prep for my dinner tomorrow.

13 patients today? Nice!



Not too bad for 4.5 hours of work. Now to get home, watch V and finish that LAUNDRY! Ack! :)



Happy full moon

In other news, my place is a mess. Bathroom still makes me smile; but today is "Laundry" day. The beast that I lost control over :(



Tomorrow Guest/sewing room organization (no it will not finish tomorrow but enough will be done to set up the extra futon in there if a guest needs the room Sat). I will finish it.... next year. Because after Saturday? I start sewing for Christmas. No money? No problem, I have supplies to make TONS of stuff.



Now I just need ideas.... hmmm maybe Pinterest.

Oh, and in other news, we have the first banner for the Poker Run 2013... plus the business cards for 2013.



We don't have a date/dates yet as a lot of logistics must be considered for that. I know we will do the Bicycle portion around Garry's birthday, I just don't know about the actual Motorcycle portion. I have to go to the hosting company from last year and see what they think.



Still, good things :)

Took a long nap with the puppies, am now contemplating doing a little cleaning of my room. And netflix.



I know I napped, but I'm still exhausted. Probably the stress response of the past few months. I have to get out of "over drive" all the time or I'm going to burn out my adrenals.



Now that the bathroom is done, I think I will take a nice long bath and then go to bed a tad early today. But first, I'm going to make popcorn in my air popper and then smother it in butter with a touch of brown sugar. Yeah, I'm living dangerously (sugar tends to make this type of exhaustion worse) but considering I'm air popping it myself, and controlling how much it shouldn't be too much of an issue and still way less caloric than the move theatre version which I turned down last night (be proud of me, I am) :P

A barking Daschund is a pain in the ass. Seriously.



Egon today has chosen to bark at ANY noise outside. no wonder I miss it when people knock at the door. I'm too busy telling Egon to shut it, and I don't realize it's because someone is at the door.



Right now, he's barking at Winston's stomach noises. :( Poor guy has indigestion.

I don't know if I'll be able to shut my mind off tonight. Too much to do, think about and try.



Side note: Dear guts, whyfore you hate me sooo?



Oh yeah,





Cake.



*sigh*

Every so often I wonder about a few that no longer visit our halls...



BlackTrillium is one of the first people I truly got to know here, and soon after *poof*. Artemka I can't help but wonder how these formative years have been...



Then there is the member that each time I think of them, I think of this song...

Once again, thanks to life keeping me busy, I am behind on the VR rumor train. However, one truly positive thing that this brings about is the introspection of those I call friend.



They don't take your bullshit and go "WHAAAAA WHY MEEEEE??? They take it and go, how can we prevent this behaviour in ourselves? What do we need to do to be better people? More importantly, what part do I need to take responsibility for.



Right there, that is why they will always do better than you. No matter how down and out they get, no matter the odds that face them. They own their situation and they actively make changes as they can.



Not one of them is the "same person" I met years ago. They have all grown and become more fully who they said they wanted to be. That gets you doesn't it? Because you, you never change.

Puppies have started today fast and furious. I however am exhausted and about to have my first cup of coffee. With Eggnog :D :D :D



Biggest issue I'm having?



Making the time with work for my workouts. Now without pups, no problem. But I simply don't like them spending more than 6 hours kenneled. I think it's time to get a divide and "shame bands" so I can give them an area, and start training them to not go while I'm gone.



Don't get me wrong they are happy pups. But they also get kenneled for 8hrs a night sometimes 9 if I sleep in. So you do the math, with 6 hours... Something's gotta give as I have to work out too.

Who else "feels my pain"?



You know that horrible moment where you go on Facebook, or here on VR to see comments... only to find your grammar and spelling are that of a preschooler?



Yup, that would be me. Right now. Rock on. -.-

And the Cougars won the Apple Cup! YAY :D



Yes, it might almost be 20 years, but I'm still a fan of my alma mater.

I am SO FUCKING SICK of my schedule being done wrong. UNBELIEVABLE. But I have a plan, and will be making more changes to it in January. This grouping of receptionist, simply is NOT "getting it".



More importantly, I need to focus on more of where I am headed than where I am now. Time to move and shake it!

A part of me is also very concerned for Spazz. She's lost a bit of weight, and she's not doing as much jumping as she used to. Old age is hard. She's 16, will be 17 in May, but still; a part of me was hoping she'd make it closer to 20. There has simply been so much loss these past few years.



Then again, I'm starting to research the hairless cats. Ugly as sin, but I'm thinking maybe. We shall see. First- work and getting my feet back under me (move made them unstable) but slowly I'm getting back to where I want to be. I know some of you relate more than you care to admit to this, but that is life, keep on rollin'...

Oh and a side note? Egon is Mr Suck. Every morning the same thing, has to be in my lap while I type, seemingly mocking Winston who desperately wishes for me to gain weight so there is more lap space. lol

I need to multiply myself. I simply have no idea how I am going to get every thing done in time, and work. *sigh*

It's time for my walk...



er, it's time to walk the puppies. lol



Happy Thanksgiving y'all :)

I posted a video on FB that I can't help but think of Imagesinwords with. It is a kick boxer doing all these fancy kicks and flips to get the audience going, then along comes the marine.



I can't help but think of all the whoopla people create here, and then....



^.^ heh

What can I say?







I love this cat!

The hard part about being online? Puppies who think my lap = THEIR lap. It means I'm constantly telling them no, having them then "sneak" onto my lap (like I won't notice that) looking up with, "ohhai! Iz not har iz wher iz suppozed to be!".



*sigh*



Buggers spilled my coffee. :(

Eggnog in my coffee ♥

YAY Hot yoga. It makes me happy.

Productive day. Not in a traditional sense, but productive none the less.



Now to walk the pups, do some dishes and watch a movie :)



YAY so small graces.

I want a new mark. The mark of the Bat.



So when you see it you know the person who has it is BATSHIT CRAZY and you can run the other way :P

So my test was yesterday, I think it went well enough considering I had a monster travel (I took a wrong turn which should have only added 5` to my trip, but due to construction=25+ min added). That would have been ok as I did allow 30 min from my normal travel time, however that was supposed to make up for the city traffic which ended up being 25` just to get off of the freeway.



I arrived exactly 30 min late, which was when they said they would not accept anymore people. O.O WAY too close, had it gone `well`with the travel I would have been there 30 min early and had time for a coffee. :(



Still I got there, had my workbook, had my pens and was able to not only take my test, but take it in a `leisurely`manner once I calmed myself down. While I handed my paper in right as they called time, it was after I had over looked it three times to make certain my number, and all questions were answered. It was only a 30 question test, but it was all about law and legal terms, which means one adjective can make a huge difference in how the meaning goes.



I got my Starbucks after the test as I wanted to treat myself for having taken the test, and doubly so with almost NOT having been able to! While I feel good about how I did, I won`t breath a sigh of relief until I get confirmation that I passed!



January is the safety course. I`m not looking forward to it, but thinking the night before I`m going to stay with a friend in the GTA so I don`t have to do the crazy one day drive and can actually have some time to VISIT people! Today, I`m cleaning house, doing a little cooking and chillaxing with the doggies. I got to look at a new to me futon at noon, and a christmas tree after. If all goes well, I will get the futon for the price I`m selling my old one for, and the tree for $10 more. Here is to hoping.



Otherwise it`s planning things for my thanksgiving and well, being grateful. I might be fall on my face broke at the moment, but I can`t help but feel rich for the life that I`ve created and been giving the knowledge to see that I am blessed :)



Happy Sunday all!

ARGUHHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOO



ever do an online order where you are only supposed to pay $10 because your coupon covers everything else... only it goes through without applying the coupon?



That would be me. Right now. With customer service getting me a refund. *sigh*



But other than my uber blonde moment, it's been a fabulous day :D

I was going to lump this in with my previous entry... but felt it deserved it's own entry.



$2400.00+



That was the final number for the Poker Run. Thank you ALL so much for your support and help in this process. Good things will come of this money, as we put in enough to fly Garry 2x to his surgery. The charity now under special circumstance, will assist those in Garry's position, and other costs that patients can't afford can now be covered.



We did more than good, and I am grateful all around.

I'm getting excited not for this saturday (which is my big test) but for Dec 1st. I know it's not the actual weekend of Thanksgiving, but it is the one where my friends could come. I'm thankful because I get to cook another thanksgiving meal, and visit with people.



I have MISSED entertaining. Now that a few will be coming, I'm very excited!



So excited that I have butternut squash soup, cabbage soup, pumpkin chili, and broccoli soup made and in the freezer. Now I have to figure out how I'm going to fit a bird in there o.O



I leave for Seattle the 14th so it should be a time full of adventure :)



Ok back to worky work for me, or I won't have gas to get to the airport o.o

Well I think it's time I make broccoli soup and have cuddle time with the boys :) Love it!

I am excited for today. I don't know why, but I'm just excited.



Perhaps it is that I give the check to the charity (our schedules have not matched since poker run was weekend before rowing season), or perhaps it is the first light dusting of snow- thanks Rat! Now will you come visit? ;)



Today, is awesome. Just cause it is :)

The plan for today: Cabbage soup, broccoli soup, Carrot ginger soup, pumpkin chili.



Most of the soups will be frozen, so I have meals through the week. So far I'm half way through baking the pumpkin and butternut squash. Yum.

It's hard to be supportive when you know you both feel like you've gotten the short end of the stick. That is a hard truth, and one that repeats over and over again in life.



Ok Monday, let's DO THIS :)

Today is about dreaming, plotting and taking over the world! Mwaahaha!



Which equates into tele-seminars, relooking at information I had in past and starting a project I started years ago.



After that, a little cleaning, a little yoga and BOOM! I will have had an awesome day in PAJAMAS :D



Well, except yoga, I'll change clothes for that but then BRING BACK THE PJ's!

I've always said, people only become more fully who they are.



It's been said here time and time again. Mostly as I dealt with behaviours and attitudes that are so foreign to my own. Yet I don't think people realize when I say this, I'm also saying it about myself.



The biggest difference is that I am pretty much on the same path I intended on when I moved. A few detours as life showed me some neat things, but I'm back on track. Yet, they take what I'm doing now as "distant, snooty"... funny, same words they used before they got to know me...



And my descriptors now would be: Focused, determined and able. I still bare the wounds that happened before, during and after my move- but this past year I really feel that I was able to heal enough to be back to "me".



It's a strong and powerful place. More importantly, I don't feel the pressure or the desire to care who has issue with it. Perhaps it is surrounding myself with mostly my business colleagues and connections. I don't know for certain, but I know having the like minds around me is far more up lifting to who I am, than when it was people who didn't have similar goals.



Those who don't have similar goals who are still around? They don't understand, but the support and TRY to support in any way they can. That is what I was used to, and now that some things have cleared, that is what I'm getting again.



Still a part mourns the loss of the individuals who I let go of. Not their negative aspects, but the potential I saw and wanted them to harness. To know that most of them will not, is sad. But it is their choice, one they will be a "slave to" the rest of their lives.

For all my southern friends:



Do you know why Canadian's say, "eh"?



Because "huh" was already taken!



;)

I am SO ready to be done with today.



Great day, but man people sometimes assume the wrong things.



I had seen a picture of a friend's son that is now about 8 years old. I haven't visited with her or her husband since he was an infant :( So I posted about how I'm thankful for the memories and their touch on my life...



To which several people immediately assumed it was about Garry. Really?



Yes, he was a major person in my life. Yes, a major loss and there is not a day that I don't miss him...



But he is NOT the only person that my life has been touched by. Come on people. What about me really makes you think I'm the wallow in a cave type of personality?



I might talk about my difficulties and have inklings of things that aren't pleasant but I have ALWAYS been living and thriving. Doesn't mean that bad (shitty) things don't happen, it means that I try to deal with it head on, acknowledge what/where I want to go and then move on.



Emotions still happen, yes.



But contrary to what people have said (and yes I've heard them in person saying this, thinking I could not hear them) I am NOT a "grieving widow". Never have been, never will be. I grieved, and grieved hard- but I never identified with that, that was your hopes in my failure to thrive.



And right now, I'm doing FAR better without your negativity in my life. Good luck with your assumptions.

insurance companies really take "life" out of work sometimes... *sigh*

A part of me should have seen the warnings and said something. Then again, I never would have... so if I truly treat people as I want to be treated, how could I have known?



We all do the best we can. And sometimes that is just scrapping by and investing in our futures. This often means giving up many things, other times it means rotating what you pay for, but in the end, if done correctly; it works out.



How long? Well, in my case years. But with what I've learned, the lessons are invaluable.



Though it doesn't take the fear away.



That is something I'm not used to; fear. Before I had it, but it was something to be pushed against and you just keep going and then it's over. How it comes is similar in real life, only the practice is a bit different, so the lesson has to be relearned for each circumstance.



I'm getting it. Still making mistakes, but over all, I'm really getting it.

I'm feeling old. With a shoulder hurt, elbow injured, my back out today... And I'm in bed at 8:30.



At least in my defence it was 9:30 at this time yesterday. *sigh*

GRRR. 5 hours trying to update my phone.



Completed fine but the back up... which was done in September? WILL NOT LOAD. FML



I give up. I will go back to being a dog matt and watching movies. The rest? I'll work on tomorrow. *sigh*

Annoyed.



When you tell someone you can't go out to eat, even to a buffett at $10 a person, and they say "you have to eat"... Ummm when I buy 30 eggs for $6 and veggies for $1... at least as many as I eat: how is the $1.80 I spent on coffee, cream, and more food than I can eat equal to $10?



Thing is, this person NEVER cooks, so they don't understand the price difference. *sigh*

I have hot coffee, warm puppy and laptop with internet connection.



Don't worry about me; bring on the zombie apocalypse. The pups will lick them to death.

In reading about Sandy, I am reminded of something that in sport is very true.



You are treated as a statistic.



Yet every champion - and I do mean EVERYONE, does not fall into perfect statistics.



They stand out. They win.



So why do we continuously treat people as a bell curve of numbers? Yes applied to masses' in times in can be appropriate. But if each of us were to be who we are meant to be, the stats would not be as we see them now.



Time to start moving...

I feel much better. Sluggish, but better. I went to bed at 8am last night, and got up at 7:30 this morning. With the time change, that is a considerable amount of sleep.



Stress has been waking me in the middle of the night, but that is due to my needing to get some things done with work and lacking the funds to do it.



Mostly it's because the varsity coach is convinced he paid me over 230.00 that I was expecting over a week ago, however... I did not see any of it, and he is CONVINCED he gave it to me. :(



I know he didn't because I budget my gas money and then will use the money from crew to pay certain things. This time it is bills that I don't have the complete money for- because I budgeted this in. *sigh* I'm sure he'll pay me, it's just the hassle of it. We both are in agreement next year I sign for the money (I actually prefer this) so that when/if this happens again- I can ask him to look- he won't have my signature.



Either way, I'm out of luck till next weekend which means I have to figure ways around all of this and pay for my testing for provincial standards in my profession *they are FINALLY (after six years) regulating us. Which is huge and great, but it means I have to pay- ACK! So frustrating at times*



Anyways, movie day, puppy play, perhaps a little cleaning/painting, and yoga. My back is a tad off, and I know it's because of the rowing season lack of exercise. Time to get it back and move forward. YAY.



Oh and paperwork... how could I ever forget paperwork? *sigh*

I have to admit, web surfing on my big screen tv with surround sound is pretty cool.



Don't know why I hadn't done it before...

:-O



For the first time since August... I DO NOT HAVE TO WAKE EARLY TOMORROW! YAY!!! OR SUNDAY YAY, YAY, YAY!!!!



So excited :D While rowing has been "done" for the past week, we have had our ergometer testing and will continue to meet through the end of next week during the week... but my weekends are mine ♥



So exciting.



Now to reheat my stuffed pumpkin and have some dinner and netflix :D