The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Waiting
00:10 May 31 2009
Times Read: 937

For Mango Chicken Curry to finish cooking *pout* I want it now!!!! *sigh*



Ok back to waiting....

interesting / very one'sie ish maybe even self indulgent but that's the idea - isn't it - to open up & let the world see what you would like to present and guide them to an opinion you would have them arrive at.
13:33 May 29 2009
Times Read: 983

That was the comment left on my profile. I find this very funny as a friend who has known me since I was 5 years old recently saw my profile, as I showed him what I did with the photos Morri took of me.



His comment, "that is so YOU".



It is funny how those that don't know you assume that you only put out what you want instead of what you are. Is it the complete me? Nope- no way it ever could be. However if a person reads my profile updates and changes, reads my journal and such- they will have a good idea of the type of person I am. Where my failings are, and what causes me to stumble.



A day in the life. Indulgent, fuck off- this is my diary so yuh it's a tad indulgent. That I choose to share it- ditto. So what is your point? Do you think I should lurk in shadows and hide? Been there, done that- and let me tell you that if you are doing it, people still see who you are. Better to set your own rules and live, laugh and love by them- because that is what will make you happiest in the end.

Hahahaha!
17:51 May 25 2009
Times Read: 1,031



Hot Chick Gets Rid Of Guy The Morning After - Watch more Funny Videos

No one is safe...
14:51 May 25 2009
Times Read: 1,045

First he shared his salty nuts, then he forked me from behind. Just when I thought the evening was going to end- he supplied us with his sweet sausage. And that is just the highlights of the weekend.



Wow, Birra sure knows how to show a girl a good time :P

Rant from reading Meepers Journal and others...
15:38 May 23 2009
Times Read: 1,076

Seriously you have got to be kidding me- but this latest wave of pro-choice means I'm having an abortion has got to be one of the most absurd things I have ever heard. EVER.



-.-



To give an example- me. I am pro-choice, however I think if a woman has more than 3 abortions she should have her tubes tied (unless unusual situations) and I also think that just because you can have sex- does not mean that you should.



Condoms should be made available to teens- as I would rather deal with safe sex than more STD's that go untreated as "I can't tell my mom... or dad" bs that teens do. And plus, we have enough financial troubles that we should not make it difficult for teens to avoid pregnancy, since if they have the child chances are that our government will be paying for a good portion of it. The other choice- force sexually active teens into marriage... oh wait ya'll don't think that's a good idea either... hmmm.



Last while I am pro-choice for all the right reasons, personally I would NEVER have an abortion. I could not mentally deal with the stress of it, and at this point in my life I can make changes and take care of a child.



What really gets me, is when did believing anything become such a tool of propaganda? My thoughts are simply my thoughts on the situation... mostly for the easiest financial, health and social outcome. Does it mean I will force others to my point of view- no and nor does it mean I will assume they are stupid.



ARGH. Ok off for more coffee now that this random rant is done.

5am entry after waking at 3:30
10:19 May 23 2009
Times Read: 1,083


Up all night

17:25 May 22 2009
Times Read: 1,094

Wow I knew this year would be a year of change, but seriously I thought that it would not been nearly this eventful.



Holmes has an infection that I've missed for the past 2 months =/ Getting shaved yesterday, I can now see the area. I'm hoping that I can drain and clean it and that there will not be any problems- but something tells me...



What is frustrating is owing still for his surgery in Feb. and now the looks of having more bills on top of the pile that has gathered with doing his surgery. No I don't regret it, but man- I was just thinking "get past this period and it will be ok"... now I don't know where the end date is. *sigh*



Other than that the beautiful weather is definately helping my mood and my ablity to just enjoy... a little slice of peace... hmmm TGIF!

16:54 May 21 2009
Times Read: 1,100

Cheese.... hmmmmmmmmmm

23:10 May 20 2009
Times Read: 1,118

For those that don't know him- this sums up the man we knew and loved as Nellis:



Linky link

Tonight I wake...
15:10 May 17 2009
Times Read: 1,133

I have a date with Jose and a dance floor. Let's end this how it began: Booze, laughter and song.



Friend the space you leave will never truly be filled by those that knew and loved you. The memories you leave us with, and your spirit are to be treasured.



I am singing the Star Drek songs, and I remember- lordy even the parts I don't remember my spirit does. You were dear, and will be dearly missed. Love you.

RIP Nellis
04:47 May 16 2009
Times Read: 1,143

Shot down on this planet we explored, I’ve shuffled off this mortal coil I have just one thing to ask my lord… Beam me up, up to heaven, I've had my fill of doors that go *shhhttt* when you walk through. I've been transfered my new assignment to bag the enterprise and join this crew. Beam me up don't want to roam with all these starfleet mavericks. So set the table I'm coming home....

Leave your ego at the door
22:36 May 15 2009
Times Read: 1,149

Today in yoga our teacher shared a saying that had been translated from poetry. What it basically said was something to the affect: "The reason there are not many enlightened people is that when you check in, the woman at the coat check keeps a piece of your ego. When you are ready to leave, she does not return it. Ouch."



I am tired of wasting my efforts knowing that people simply are uncomfortable with the idea that I care. That each one of you has had an impact on my life would be an understatement. It is our small moments that define each one of us. The moments when we falter and feel that we simply are not enough, somehow we find ways to crawl, claw, or fight our way back to what we consider ourselves are the ones that allow us to “claim” who we are to be.



I choose to value you.



If you are added as a friend it is because I do care- you impact my life, you have a place in it- and there are no small places in my life, only people who choose not to live out loud. Just because I don’t have time, that I forget or am doing something else half a world away, does not mean that at some point I don’t stop and think about you. Nor does it mean that when I read your status I don’t remember some of our fun times, sad times, or those times where you assisted my growth through the pain of friendship.



Should you ever question the sincerity of someone who is expressing gratitude, care or friendship with you- then look at yourself. What part of your ego is in the way of this person’s truth? Granted, not everyone works on the path of reaching higher good- but that does not mean that you should lower yourself to their way of being. Take things at face value, stop reading into it, and eventually the truth of the person will shine through to you. By investing in the light of friendship you allow for people to express themselves more fully, and when they do you go into the friendship without doubt, for you know in time they will express the truth.



Watch for it, see that amazing spark and growth in those around you, and slowly you will see it reflecting to you in the mirror- flaws and all.



If you are reading this, know I care- deeply, profoundly and sincerely about you. Your light is one that I will always cherish for having seen and known. Life is too short to assume you know this, so in honor of you, I freely express my love.



Namaste.

01:07 May 14 2009
Times Read: 1,162

Today is a day where I am spending my time in the memory of what was. Truth is, it still is- I simply moved into a different space, but remain so very grateful for my time with what I consider my theatre family.



Sadly one of them is in process of crossing. They entered a Hospice today from drinking. I keep having all these snippets flash through my memory- all the laughter we shared and all the flaws we expressed.



Still I see his hurt, and that of some of the others. He is simply the first to reach the finish. It is not fair, it is not ok and I am angry about it. To say that our world is loosing talent is an understatement. We are loosing talent that never fully expressed or shared itself outside of the group it belonged to. It is an old story, the comedian that is so wounded they eventually self distruct- however I dare anyone to live through it.



Many of us are not in a position to go visit him, so we call, and now have a facebook page to keep informed of how things progress. Tomorrow God willing I will get a chance to talk to him. Should I not, my thoughts and prayers are as follows:



If I could take your pain, I would.

If I could heal your spirit, I would.

Were there a way to heal your physical body, know it would be done.

As it stands I know you never admited there was an issue.



I hate that I can see the wounds that hurt you so much, while you never understood where the pain came from.



I pray your spirit finds peace in the expressions from all of us that truly love you, even those that had to remove themselves from the destructive behaviour you have recently done.



I love you friend, I pray the remainder of your time is filled with love and some relief from the spiritual and physical pain you have. Although I don't know if I can ever forgive you from robbing me of your presence in the future. It might not be suicide but it is damn close, as it happened from your own hand.



Your impact on my life is so very subtle but it is one of the marks my spirit will carry until the day I die. You are so very special, as everyone that knew you knows.



I love you and will miss you dearly.

13:17 May 11 2009
Times Read: 1,171

Talking to my mother yesterday was a real joy. Going over what's going on- hearing that she is doing better (my leaving really hurt her feelings, even though she understood it was something I had to do). My brother is stepping up his game (hear that baby bro?) and well things are turning around, slowly mind you- but the best changes often happen that way.



I felt bad that I haven't been able to do a gift for her in quite some time, since shipping is mucho bucks for the things I make (and frankly until she cleans I loathe to give her something that will rot in a pile). And she responded with, "yeah even sappy cards are expensive these days"...



Heh, hopefully the Canadian and US post work together a little and get her that card I sent by the end of the week... as it is so very sappy I expect it will make her cry :D



By the way- she loves that :)

I blame Canada...
13:41 May 10 2009
Times Read: 1,190






You should too!

03:41 May 08 2009
Times Read: 1,211


I release you with love

I release you with compassion

I release you with understanding



But do not think that means I am a walking mat. There is only so far that my patience goes, and once it is gone I view it as fair game. However, I do not think this will end that way as I already pity the spite you have for my person. I don't understand why- and honestly I hope I never will understand it because I simply do not want to ever be in that headspace.



The road of spite and hate never has a good ending, unless it is of forgiveness and growth. While you may prosper and socially appear better than my person, know that my character will only grow from the hurt you inflict while yours withers and dies in the pathetic meaningless world you create. I wish you insight that does not disgust you, but allows for you to grow beyond what you are now. My prayers go out for your happiness, that the shallow thoughts and actions eventually become the profound. And lastly I wish for your peace, that you might one day not live in the negative turbulence that pollutes and makes your environments so toxic.



May you find the beauty in the world that surrounds you

May you find joy in the people around you

May you find peace in the person you are.

02:48 May 05 2009
Times Read: 1,225

This weekend opened my eyes to many things. I'm still in truth a little shell shocked to see where my abilities as a coach are now, and where they can easily go.



I was on the phone with my mother tonight discussion much of what has occurred in the past few years, and I mentioned that I'm tired of selling myself short to please others. What she said floored me.



"I know, you never used to be that way. But when you went to college it just started happening."



Um. Ok.



WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?! *sigh* yes well a lesson learned the hard way is still a lesson learned. No changing what has happened (don't cry in spilt milk *heh*) but sure as heck, small steps- don't doubt I'm taking them, and frankly I'm very excited about what I've seen and now know.



More than anything- this move, while one of the hardest things I've ever done and lived through- has been hands down one of the best things for me to have done. Now it's time to get even over the keel and keep my hands even as the rough water is about to hit. I'm ready, and even better I'm looking forward to it.



Happy Spring my friends, may you find your own growth as much of a blessing and as rewarding as you choose to.

Back
15:23 May 04 2009
Times Read: 1,234

Arrived home at midnight last night. Am still trying to get things situated from the trip. Exhausted- as I did all the driving (23hours over the past 48hrs) coached for 6 hours, went to a dinner for 3 hours and then spent about two hours wandering, showering and eating... the rest of my time was sleep which still averages 7 per night- but for what I'm used to, and the pace of the last two days (zero down time) I'm a veggie right now...



But worky work calls, and then I can start to unpack and get things done.

01:00 May 02 2009
Times Read: 1,249

I leave tomorrow am at 4am. We hope to arrive in Boston by 3pm. Return to London anytime between 8pm and midnight sunday. I'm looking forward to TONS of good coffee as I'll need it.



O.o

Finally!
01:59 May 01 2009
Times Read: 1,023

Pictures of the newest addition...



This is the full piece, the day after it was done...







Close up of the skull- that still makes me giggle...





I can't wait to start the colour. Don't know if that will be this month as I'm slowly getting caught up from Holmes' surgery- and due to that I've had limit my spending extremely. Hopefully before the end of the month I can save enough to be nice and bright! :D