The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Things are falling into place. The big obstical has reared it's ugly head, and yet it will allow for me to create a win win situation.



The bad energy is going, slowly I see myself again. I don't know how many years it's been since I've seen me- oh look! there I am :)



For those of you helping, even in the smallest way of sending me positive energy



~NAMASTE~



you are appriciated and loved.

On 16:04:05 May 07 2006 shinedemongod wrote:



it is crossroads



and things that come with them for me



it is strange



yes it is also looking to be the action part of it for me also along with anxiety and insecurities





why does one need to sell oneself i often wonder



isnt it enough that one does things

it seems like it is all that is needed and yet one is needing always to package and sell oneself



divide ones life into the fun bit the interesting bit, the real bit and this other bit



it seems lopsided and irrational in a way



it isnt about work , one is willing and eager even to work hard and like a dog even though it somehow dosnt seem to be about that it seems to be about something else some delivery that makes all the difference



a ramble a thought and then back to the grind



no wonder one imagines a heaven , a utopia



one always seems to be sensing something beyond the rainbow



one almost lives in a state of expectation for the resolution, the coming, the something something



when it is about , was always about even the just doing and being



we got lost in so many wrappers and ribbons



so many boxes



that it seemed that it was about the wrapping , so much so that god forbid we should open the package and damage the wrapping

oh no we cant have that



after very long it became boxes and boxes of air



and i so ramble



lol



On 16:14:02 May 07 2006 sahahria wrote:



So very true, another piece here and there.



Yet freeing when you can look at things and say- I don't want that anymore. It is time to leave this to someone else.



Or I will sell this as it will hold me back if I keep it any longer. It is not functional, beautiful or loved anymore- so it's purpose is gone.



Hard when you see yourself in a place as the clutter. Freeing when you release it as more comes back to you. Then we find the true bits of great things because we don't have the other stuff obscuring our view



Often it is on the horizon in front of us, but we had built up too much - we could not see.







On 16:24:55 May 07 2006 shinedemongod wrote:



yes



although this thing about having to sell , having always to sell



is it not enough that we do and then move on



a friend of mine used to say , we paint because we cant do anything else



it is so simple



one does what one is made to do



why does one need to do more than that



afterall what is ones responsibility really

besides living well

and performing the actions one is meant to perform



iisnt it enough for a painter that he/she paints



for a singer that he/she sings for a sculptor that he/she sculpts

for farmer that he/she tends to the land

for a teacher that he/she teaches



this makes sense doesnt it that this ought to be enough



somehow it never is



one is needing to sell



to eat the fruit



can one not just be in the garden

in the experience



and not have to always try to profit from everything

not have to keep a little on the side for later



and make the small mind thinking, the scarcity thinking





On 16:33:28 May 07 2006 sahahria wrote:



It is so true. If right now we were not controlled by the matierial. Our ablility to just be would increase, yet we step away further and further form this.



People look for security where there is none, they want peace from things that create Chaos.



Our world is changing once more... the question remains will we step back or move beyond what we understand right now?



Fear I think is the primary motivator to stepping back. We know what we are asking ourselves then, it is safe and in essance will not hinder how we think we are. Instead of who we should become





On 16:47:38 May 07 2006 shinedemongod wrote:



there is but one question , it seems to me



what could happen



what is the worst case scenario

for every moment if we ask ourselves this at points of fear

things become very clear

warped thoughts , disjointed and misplaced priorities come to view



our illnesses and the pathologies that we breed within ourselves become so clear



it is a moment



one moment is all it takes

it happens in one moment



like death

like birth



one moment to ................



to just...............



simply..............



one question



what can possibly happen



and then we dive





On 17:10:11 May 07 2006 sahahria wrote:



The answer makes my soul sing



fully and without holding back



Indeed no more holding back



What is the worst,



Just that we much pick ourselves back up



should we happen to fall



Yet the fall is unavoidable



So why not sing before and after it?







May 07 2006 shinedemongod wrote:



when the worst has alrady been anticipated and accepted



the very source of fear is rooted out



then one is fearless

like gods



naked and without guile

without cunning and pettiness

all is then a newness



a song and a dance



a walking into the stream



jerulasem at every corner

mecca at every step

and the ganges flowing though every tap



every action a prayer

an offering



every moment an unfolding



release and a reacycling



diving into the pool

the matrix

the liquor



being made whole every moment being shattered every moment



being the wave

the pulse

the light

the light that oscillates between matter and wave



that refracts and splits



that reveals seven



the seven that closes into one



the play