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Power connection to my laptop died sometime yesterday, and since this is a holiday weekend the only store I can get parts in is not open until Monday. I just hope I can get there before they close. *sigh*
It's good to be home and away from the toxic environment.
There were many things that happened during my trip, some I should have seen quite some time ago- but did not.
In summary it has left me: exhausted, betrayed and resolved.
I want to journal it all, but in truth I am still processing so much of what happened that to think too much about it overwhelms me. What I can say is that I didn't expect this much. I knew some of what surfaced, but time and distance truly do make some things more clear.
Now I simply have to work a little more to get caught up... and I have to say, I am so looking forward to New Orleans! I NEED the vacation, as this last trip put me through the ringer.
But not in one piece. It seems the stress of the last year and 10 hours of traveling do not mix well with me. I was perfect on Friday am and reported to the house I'm painting, was fed a lovely breakfast... to stand and stretch and throw my back out.
O.o
Well unlike the back injury that retired my rowing career this one is exceedingly painful, and worst I think it is only muscular. Sadly I do not have my connections in London- so I will have to wait to get home for treatment, till then muscle relaxants are my friend as they allow me to work at full speed- except with some breaks needed to get assistance with moving heavy objects. While I think it's muscular- I am not prepared to spend another year in rehab. So I will take my time and work my way back to full function.
I'll write more when I'm on my computer as right now I'm borrowing my friend's.
How much work can I do in just a few days? We're about to find out. This time, my brother is there too which will give me a world of help as he has rent in a new place with his new girlfriend to think about. Talk about giving him the right motivator.
I am both looking forward and a little scared about this journey. See I know my mom gets this, but is has remained unspoken. I do not miss Seattle at all. What I miss are the cheap places I would go out to eat: Sushi, Ethiopian, Pho are on the list; I miss my friends and the water.
It actually surprised me that I don't miss the mountains or the cool summers. It's my friends mostly and this trip unless they are willing to help or do something at night, I will not get to see them. Not a problem, I warned them all this would happen. See this is the last chapter, this is the trip my mother has to give up the idea of my returning.
She knows this, as my next trip will be a visit and the one after will be to bring the last of my stuff to London (my piano, and oodles of fabric). So there are many dreams and wishes being put to sleep this time. I have no doubt it will be a trying time.
Still it has taken long enough for this day to come. Wish me patience, as I am going to need it and strength to be able to finish what needs doing.
Holy cripes! Many thanks to Maverick for putting air in the kitchen because with the heat we are having right now- after doggie walks it's nice to get them some cool air... not to mention cooking in this weather really suck. All bow to the ever beautiful invention of Air! :)
With how hot it is getting even at 9 am I'm changing the stroller fitness classes to 8:30 am, that way right as it's really getting hot, we're heading inside. This is a definate change from Seattle which gets hot around 2pm... Worst part for me is, I'll just start to get used to the heat, and then I'm heading to Seattle where it is not nearly as humid :(
When I come back my classes are going to KICK my butt not because I'm out of shape but because of the differences in weather. Oh and for the NOLA crowd I'm already working on our plan of attack based off what I know of those that will be doing the walks :D
You know the people that are so public with their down falls? The ones that have self-righteousness dripping from everything they say?
Ironically they are exactly what they detest.
"I am so *yadda yadda yadda* and you played so many games and lied *yadda yadda yadda*.
Please note this person said this *yadda* and at the time I thought they were full of shit. But now they walk on water for they speaketh the truth. Never mind they play games just as seriously fucked as the ones I feel you committed. That is ok, because they KNEW about you."
Face it folks, the grass will always be greener, or how about the ones that do this little ditty:
"I never have done this *ditty ditty ditty* and it makes me such a good person don't you think?"
Here's the thing, not one of us is perfect, and even if we were... you would never find that out being on a web site. Here you can't see me fart or shit, so you have no idea if it stinks or smells like roses. Chance is even if you find hard truth- it is warped by perspective.
Trust me in this, I know several people in law enforcement that have been "convinced" by lies... only to grasp at straws when faced with the other perspective.
Such as the OPP officer that pulled me over for being a "bad speeder" when I was on vacation. What he found when he came to my door... a woman that had to pee for about 2 hours and that was wondering if she would get to the next gas station in time. Lucky for me he was understanding of my perspective when he approached me and found out what it was.
Absolutes are very rare, and when you get one, when you find one, what you do with it depends on your integrity and if you are truly being selfish *I'm not saying that is bad* or if you are able to articulate what you mean effectively. Get out of grade school kiddies, after all for some of you that was almost 20 years ago.
On Facebook, a high school friend that I used to be up to no good with *yes we had aspects of the Wheasley twins, only not related and girls* just sent me this video.
I know I've put this video here before, but it's funny how when given by a friend, different memories come to mind. Good times.
Still watching it this morning I realized how much energy and anger youth can have. Not entirely unfounded, but rather incomplete in their not knowing all of a situation. It got me thinking about how people here no matter their age seem to just want to prove things.
Silly stupid things, as the truth remains if you never meet the person and never see them in real life; what does it matter. Not one stinking bit. Perhaps this is why I've been quieter as of late. I want more the real, the friends I do want to meet and see where they are, who they are. Because our surroundings do impact our lives and they do make a difference. Many times they are our support or hindrance. To want to know someone is to want to know them, no matter the flaws.
Ironically for those that never let someone close, they can always appear forever young.
My childhood friend was published last year and I had no clue *dang the move from Seattle* That I think is the one downfall of the move, the majority of my friends are still in the Seattle area.
Go check out her book. I remember her telling me about it when it was just her dissertation for her PhD, and can't wait to read it. Yes I am a geek, and do find this to be exceedingly interesting as in theatre I excelled in script analysis.
I just a glimpsed myself from where I am now. In the 3 years that I have been on Vampire Rave I can honestly say that I have seen many changes. And that small look at my life from the outside simply overwhelms me.
Ok... here's the deal if you are friend of mine here, and VR happens to choose Seattle- I have a proposal for you all.
My family has a beach house that is close to the Ocean and my mother has a van that fits 7 people including driver. I think that we have about 15 matresses in the beach house, and 2 couches. Think old 60's A frame cabin with the same type of interior... If Seattle is the place we can go there for a few days after the offical gathering and hang out at the beach. Only thing is: my mother HATES it when people stay and do not replace the toliet paper :P
As it is really not apporpriate for someone else's journal. Kontradiction placed this Robert Frost poem in her journal and in reading it I was brought back to the extreme pain of sitting bedside in my Grandfather's hospital room.
He had just had a stroke that rendered him unable to talk or move. We did not have him on life support but did have him on oxygen and a feeding tube. Our family could not watch him suffer to die, and the nurses were continually battering my mother for doing this since he had a DNR. In their minds we should have let him starve to death in those first few days.
Instead we were able to bring him home where he was able to spend his final days with just the family. I would lie if I said that time did not set a large inprint on my life. I saw many "friends" turn against me like rabid dogs because they did not believe death knocked at my family's door. I saw how we in trying to assist others often muck it up with our own beliefs (such as the nurses, as I do not think they ment ill, but they did not understand our family).
And through all of that in that short time, I remember reading this to my Grandfather as he laid there. While at the time my voice was steady, now it is not. Eleven years later and it is like yesterday.
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Never regret who you are, nor the lessons you have learned. There are breif moments when we can truly see another person, cherish those moment for they do not last.
So today was Bark in the Park to raise money for the Humane Society. Holmes, Megan and I went with some friends to go look at all things doggie and have a barking good time. I made them matching bandanas and gave some to their dog walker and my friend. We tried all kinds of treats, showed off our singing ability and sniffed many butts.
Unfortunately we had too good of a time, and I just had Holmes projectile vomit in the hallway. Poor baby over did it today. It's times like this that I can tell his 13th birthday is just days away. Poor Megan keeps looking at me like, "if he gets more food, why don't I?!"
You don't like it, don't watch it. I for one am going with my girlfriends, and let me tell you this: I may not be in New York, but my life has had more moments from this show than any other that has been broadcasted.
That's why your opinion on the show doesn't matter, you either like it because you live it, or hate it because you don't.
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