The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Stage 3c ovarian cancer, clear cell carcinoma.



While I've known for a while, the emotions of seeing and hearing it are still very prominent. Prognosis has still not been discussed but over all it has a 20-40% survival rate.



Add to the difficulties of the cost of care, it's a bit of an overwhelming time for me. Considering how well I was starting to do- this completely deflates me.



I'm sure I'll get over it soon.



On a positive note, I had my first night with almost normal bowel function. Thankfully it's helped my energy today. Ok- more work for me to do today.

Was a good day at work. Am completely exhausted, and just wanting sleep. Had my first full meal- and then laid down for a rest.



Sadly an hour ago I had to go... I'll say this; impacted shit is the worst thing to deal with. I've only had to deal with it one other time in my life, hopefully this is the last. Because right as I'm almost done- I ran out of toilet paper. Thank god mom's here or that would have been even more unpleasant.



I think tomorrow I'll work a half shift- as I just don't have the stamina I usually do. We shall see how I feel in the morning

Wish me luck- first day back at work.

Thursday my "zipper" comes out. I can't wait. There is nothing more awkward than staples instead of stitches. After they are out I'm going to starting doing scar routines.



Today is laundry and taxes. I had hoped to get everything turned in before the surgery but I simply wasn't able to. I also have to ask my neighbor to carry the cat litter out as I can't lift more than 10 pounds for another three weeks (this is actually to prevent hernias from forming).



I think I'm going to have the pasta for breakfast- and lunch of a big salad. Now I have to get up and walk the pups. Tomorrow will be my first day back at work. Only three days more than originally expected- but I'm still nervous as my stamina isn't the greatest.



Happy Monday :)

Poop!



Finally. Am still worn but this means I can eat more as it was the first "real" pooh yet. It's obvious the colon is still healing from the rough handling in surgery- but now that I've had truly formed stool, it signifies that the gut has healed enough to let things through.



More Apple cider vinegar and yogurt is on the agenda for today. And perhaps a salad, or pasta... Or anything! Yay!

Praying for and afraid of pooping.



Numbness in my legs is annoying. I have to watch it to make certain not a DVT, but most likely is the side effect of the epidural. I need to walk more tomorrow- but today has been all about sleep.

My use of the narcotics it descreasing- and I think it's because I'm getting enough of the fish oils and vitamins in my system. The wait for my bowels to wake up seems to be taking forever, however my appetite is improving so it should be moving soon.



Mom and I are on the third day of North Vs. South and it's like a historical film just watching all of the famous actors of then and now. Hard to watch the hurt no matter how dramatically over done.

I over did it today.



Started out by going to the cancer center for an Iv of iron (I had one transfusion after sugery, and still have a bit more building to get me back in normal levels.



Yet again there was an insurance issue- this time it's because the clinic end didn't start it soon enough to have it done my appointment. So I waited 2 hours for it to clear and then have the transfusion since it's an hour trip one way. Thankfully it means my last transfusion is approved as well.



I find out my results and stage one week from tomorrow. I'm going through a lot of pain but have been able to lessen the pain rx- I'm hoping tonight to lessen it a touch more. I'm worried about going to work on Saturday and might just put off my return till Monday. I have a note for six weeks off; but that won't help me pay bills, etc.



Still hoping that I get bowel motions soon. It's hard because I know how much they did- and it took Garry close to a month to even come home. However he also had more organ removal and I believe they did chemo wash of his abdomen. While I came close to loosing my bowels, they were saved and I'm grateful.



One thing I didn't mention was that when I woke right from the sugery in the post op in the worst pain ever. The surgery was only supposed to be in my lower abdomen, and it went all the way to my lungs/liver. This meant that as the "out drugs" wore off I was left only with the epidural, which had been placed for lower back only. I gave myself away when I told them they were at T7 on my back (I know that one from my shoulder blades). I was desperate for the pain to stop. Once the epidural was placed higher it was a huge relief.



Something's our words are too feeble for. Post surgical pain is one of them. I can't imagine how it was even 50 years ago. Many thoughts, jumbled all together. I need to start writing soon.

Feeling much more normal today. Doing a lot more, in an hour I will walk to the bank. I'm needing less pain meds, and think I should be good for work on Monday. Not too bad- but we shall see. Tomorrow I have an iron transfusion. Three more and then I'm done with that portion.



Back to watching north vs south...

There is a lot I want to write about this past week, but it is all jumbled together.



I would have been sent home on thurs or Friday except I still haven't had a proper bowel movement. This is important because I was very close to loosing my bowels during surgery as well. I have been having gas- woooo! So yesterday it was decided I could go home as long as I keep smart about eating and not letting myself vomit or get sick.



It's funny looking at all of these lab reports. I can see that they biopsed my liver - but all that may determine is stage 3 or stage 4. This doesn't scare me. Just like anything, my gut response is that I'm going to be just fine. Although im not looking forward for the sickness with that. Today I start back on my supplements that helped before.



I'm upset that the one type of cancer I would say ok to chemo is what I have (I should know better by now). So far thr clinic is running well without me- and today I go in to get a treatment and get the deposit done.



One step at a time. In some ways I'm already feeling better. It's a strange place to be in; suspended between the can do and can't do's.

Found out they removed the paretneum- not just a scrub.



Still don't know type or stage- should have pathology by end of today. Feeling gross- but my bowels are sluggish (first time since surgery with food- so it is expected, but it's also my difficult aspect).





One nap today, watching the matrix 2... Perhaps another during or after.



I'm emotionally spent and would rather dream today.

Waiting for the morphine. Got the foley out and the epidural, was doing fine for the first few hours and now pain. It's common to need big pain killers for after surgery- and they were very kind to go with what I had taken before... But I'm not the pharmacist. Seriously that student who wrote down this stuff is on my shit list.



One- he was condescending with what I was doing (and what I was working). Two- he put down the wrong drug intolerance (not an allergy) which is a big boo-boo in the sense they weren't giving me certain drugs based off of his recommendation/list. *sigh* at least pain is getting under control now... *huge sigh of relief*



Now it's back to healing this shit and gettin' er done!

4 am blood draw and now I'm waiting for nurse to change rx again- as if she doesn't come soon it will run out again and the alarm will sound again. This is one of the hardest aspects- getting stuff done on their schedule. Because in two hours this will be grand central and I won't be able to sleep till afternoon when the rounds end.!



Today I should transition from epidural to oral pain meds- which means I can start walking myself. Then I just have to poop and I can go home.

They let my pain rx run out tonight. It's annoying because now I'm staying up so I can dose again to sleep. Overnight is the hardest, but when this happens- it's just not fun.

Tube comes out today- which means I can have liquids! Yay!



So I'm going to be in here longer than expected. Mostly because it was a bigger surgery than expected.



Part of my vagina was removed, full hysterectomy, and full paratenal scrub, and removed the mass. It was longer than expected and I have a wicked scar/opening. Now I need to find a wicked pirate costume for it.



Pathology should come soon too- so now I just need to rest up and hit milestones so I can go home.

Been up a few hours - getting a much sleep as possible. Lots to do tomorrow, as I know one part.



Cancer.



Stages, exact types will be figured out with pathology reports. Not saying anything on FB yet. Also not too upset as I thought this might be the cases. Now it's about choosing the best treatment plan for me.



Rest first

We are now in full bowel prep. Hopefully I get the all "clear" soon so I don't have to do another bottle before bed.

So the second bottle tastes like cherry jolly ranchers. Really not bad in the drinking, but my bowel obstruction is obvious as there has been no movement. Lots of abdominal discomfort, and cramping. Lord, this is just ugly with how it feels.



Tomorrow.

Hmmm lemon magnesium citrate, like lemon head shitters

Woo! Day of shit begins

The pain woke me- and today I have to drink a lot of water to prevent dehydration. No food after noon, and bowel prep at one. Clear liquids only till midnight- then nothing.



I report at 9:45 in the morning. I still have to sign my moms power of attorney over me if something should go wrong. It's clear that quite literally, my life and future life are in the hands of this surgeon. Don't pray for me, pray for him. We all have good days and bad days- perhaps all of these delays have put me so that he is in a better place than he would have been with the other dates.



Perhaps some juice tonight to help with the dry mouth from the meds.

Two more sleeps.



It's a good thing, I was out last night. Will be repeating that tonight. Plus no food for me after noon tomorrow and then I start bowel prep at one. Hopefully it doesn't cause more pain.



Although when people ask how I am tomorrow I'm going to be sorely tempted to say- shitty, literally. Yeah dark humour is not always a good thing.

I went in to have all of my pre-surgery lab work done and because I was getting so unpleasant (looking at me made me want to scream at you) I asked for narcotics. I really just need them for today and tomorrow, but man- I had no idea how bad I was until I started getting more pleasant. Yes, it took about 30 minutes, but the change in my mood and tone was undeniable.



Funny how you know you're in pain, but you don't know how much, until it diminishes some.



Part of me feels like the biggest blasphemer ever, even knowing that without them I would not be able to work tomorrow. It's a hard stance to explain as an alternative provider, I'm not anit drugs, I see the need and the merit. I'm anti not doing it naturally when you can. It's a big difference, and not one I'm in the right frame of mind to fully explore. Still I want to put that out- I think people respond better when they do the natural first, and from there go onto the bigger rx if needed.



Truthfully I could have stayed on the vitamin regime and been totally happy with it. But it has major interactions with the anesthesia, and could mean I bleed out- not worth it. So my issue isn't that I don't need these rx, I do- it's that I almost made myself sick waiting too long (what can I say, I'm stubborn).



I'm looking forward to tonight and sleeping as I can already tell this will greatly decrease the pain overnight.



Three days

The fever and chills now start...

The good news is that I'm not vomitng or feverish as I had been in November with all of this, but the pain?



Thinking about it makes me nauseous, and feeling like the bile is building in my throat. The bloating is so bad it feels like I'm baring down to poop constantly. The cramps don't come and go, it's a constant twisting that with the boating almost feels like my guts are trying to explode out. Then there is the pain from the uterus and the mass. Each seems to separate and throb, from there I can usually find a rhythm that oddly puts me to some sort of sleep. Until something shifts, and then I go through all of it until it lulls.



Four days.

It's like my body knows that the surgery is happening on Monday, so in one last twist- my menses is about to start, and it's a doozie.



Damn, is it too much to just want normalcy?



I know it's not, yet it's something I had been blessed with previously, if not what could be considered above the norm.



5 days

Just waiting for the pain meds to kick in.

Oh tomorrow I'm going to pay- over eating the fresh salsa & guacamole. So tasty.



Enjoying the Super Bowl so far, slept almost two hours earlier. I can tell I'm going to be useless by the end of the week. I practically am already.



One week and I'm in full surgery prep. Still have to have my labs done Friday before (needs to be 72 hours) so they can match my blood type should I need blood transfusions. I'm nervous, but more, I'm ready to not be in this constant pain. Definitely makes me grateful I live in a time this is able to be found, and removed. Even 50 years ago- my chances of a year were not guaranteed because of the inability to find and th inability to do these sensitive surgeries.



These days it more about what complications and if it's cancer that is the biggest determination. Removal is "easy".