The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Where did I go wrong? I mean, everything annoys the hell out of me.

I don't like anything.

ANYTHING.

I hate everything.

I know I pretend,

I say,

I don't mean it at all.

I also pretend like I care a lot about things I just don't give a flying fuck about.



Then there are like three things I like.

And those are the things everyone thinks I don't care about.



Yeah. I'm sick of you. I'm so fucking sick of everything about you. You annoy me. And how you acted the other night? Yeah, I wanted to kill myself. That's why I didn't get hyper. Cuz you were so fucking stupid. I wish I had someone I could really trust with every single word I say.



I mean, someone other than myself.



I don't like anyone.

I mean...I do...

But I don't.

Fuck everything.



The weird part, I still come off so happy.

This pretending thing is really starting to work.



You think you're changing.

You think things are different.

The only fucking thing that is different is that the way things were with everything, is not anymore.



I mean...Fuck this. I can't stand anything.

And fuck Prom.

I'm going to SKSK.

I don't care about all that shit.

I always have hated dances.

Why the fuck should this one be different?



There's only one person I'd go for.

Only one.

and I don't think it'll happen.

Which is okay.

Cuz I want Scary Kids Scaring kids.



I mean...at concerts there is this...joy...



I've never felt it anywhere else.

I know there is nothing that can give me a rush like that.

I know that for a fact.

So...a dance? Even fucking junior prom.

I don't care.

It's not like I can't get a date.

That's the easy part.



I just don't want to go to it.



I always think back to eighth grade.

Those things I did?

I want it again.

Not because I'm sad.

I just want it.

It's like a drug.

One my mom can't smell.

I want to go back to my old life.

That one where I was close (ish) to my family.

The one where it was only my family.

My ACTUAL family.

Back when my "best friend" was Laura.

We were never sad. Never scared.



I want to cry and rip out my lungs.

I just feel so fucking done with everything.

I'm sick of pretending.

I'm just getting really good at it too.

I only want to be with one person.

And even if I don't want it that way forever,

that's what I want now.

And I feel like right now is all that matters.



This path is like a loaded gun.



I just...don't know.



Why does everything have to be so...

stupid?



In my English class, we made our own societies.





The one in my head was the best thing I have ever imagined.





And now, I just want to cry.

Harder than I've ever cried before.



Why are you such a fucking girl?

Serisouly.

Your stories?

Yeah...I hate them.





My New Years Resolution is to not cry a tear of sadness.



And now that I've decided that...

I want to cry all the time.

Over everything.

I want Franz's help.

I feel like I connected to him in such a way...





I mean the first time I met him...

I told him everything.

I opened up.



He's like the friend I've always wanted.



He was just there to listen.

and help.

and now I'm crying.

Thanks Franz.



Honestly.

They sing Say Anything's song.

Death For My Birthday.



The irony is...I almost had exactly that.



Thank you God.

You made my dad change where he hid his gun.

I only found the bullets.



Yes...

And Thank you Tj.

You kissed me. On the seventh of August.

Right before my birthday.

You saved me too.



And thank you Cedric James.

From me being so sad.

The saddest I've ever known.

And made me the happiest I've ever been.

I could actually call it happy.

When it was just you and I talking.

For hours.

Flirting.

You made my life.

I was so happy you liked me.



It makes me love you so deep.

You don't know.



I just. I want to scream.



I want everyone to fucking know the truth.

I WANT THEM TO KNOW.



I want them to know it clearer than crystal.



I feel so confined.

If I could rip myself to shreds.



I need to fly.

I think, when I'm old...

I'll jump off the Grand Canyon.

It's so gorgeous.

I can't explain.

I need to fly before I die.





I want to cry on his shoulder again.

I want to stab him with all my pain and anguish.



I won't.



I will write a song tonight.



It will feel my emotions to it's core.