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I'm done.

I just want to get over everything.

I want to be me again.

Whoever that is.

I just want it back.

COMMENTS

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Peggers7
02:30 Aug 27 2009

No fucking joke. :/

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That's all I've ever wanted.

I just wanted to laugh and play.

I just want people to stop doing what they're doing.

I know, I'm not any better.

It's just, these very FUCKING same people hate me for doing something I never did.

The same people who did those things,

and wonder why I say the shit I say about them.

I did say I didn't trust them anymore.

I did say I don't think we should trust them.

STOP FUCKING ACTING LIKE I'M TELLING EVERYONE TO HATE YOU.

You're not important enough to me to go through all that trouble.

You've never been that important to me.



My parents have been non-stop bitching at me.

Of all things, about not being social.

Having a bubbly personality.

Not talking to people and getting to know them.

Not being able to sit there and have some stupid conversation.

Not wanting a party for my sixteenth.

Not going with family traditions.

The list goes on.

They want me to be some cookie cutter child.

It really sucks.

Since I was little, I wanted to make a name for myself.

I didn't want to be like everyone else.

I didn't want to be confused with someone else.

I just wanted to be Bonnie.

Bonnie.

I don't want to be some child that has all these talents and abilities.

I don't want to be someone totally amazing when I grow up.

I don't want to be someone everyone wants to be like.

I just want to be the best I can be, but still be me.



I don't know what to do with myself anymore.

I think about what I'm doing now, and how if I saw myself like this three years ago, I would have been horrified.

Knowing that makes me so depressed.



Apparently that's all I do with my life now.

Think about the past.

Just think and think and think.





I'm just done with people.

COMMENTS

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Peggers7
20:06 Aug 22 2009

Isn't that what we always wanted? To be happy and blissful? People talk shit because they are insanely insecure and are too fucking worried about the shallow shit. Parents? hahaha. We're rebelious teenagers trying to find ourselves in the world. Sounds sooo fake but it's true. When I think of "anti-social" Michael comes into my head. He hates like the entire school too. He doesn't have many friends either. Ehhh. Whatever.

Also, if I saw myself like this 3 years ago, I would be disappointed. Who knew I would be such a whore? Who knew that I would have an ex boyfriend living with me? Who knew?

And that's the beauty of it, because no one knew.

And that's how we're all alike in this world.

Ohhh. I want to watch Twilight Zone.

I love you Bonnie. Best frienddds :)

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Hates my guts.

Sometimes it hurts.

Sometimes it doesn't.

I still have too much feelings for him.

He says he has no feelings towards me.

Besides hatred.

I want him to talk to me.

I didn't cheat.

Or flirt.

Or anything else he's confusing me about.

I admit, I did some stuff that I shouldn't have.

Like hanging out with TJ.

I should have kept telling TJ the same thing.

"If I can hang out, I'll be with Alex."

But, no, I'm too nice to say no THAT many times.

I just want him to understand where I'm coming from.

I just want him to tell me all of his upsets.

And stop avoiding the problem.

He tells me I handle my problems bad.

At least I try to address them.

I try to figure them out.

I try so fucking hard.

He tells me all I have to say is bullshit.

All my opinions and all I know.

Bullshit.

He tells me he can't forgive me.

For anything.

I hardly even know what I did.

I didn't know unless he told me.

He doesn't realize how much more I have to focus on then just him.

He doesn't realize how much he matters to me.

I want him to try to understand.

I know I'm confusing.

I know I'm hard to get along with.

I tried so hard to be everything he wanted.

I tried to not be shy anymore.

I tried to look past how I was raised.

I stopped caring about my friends.

The ones that were always there for me.

I got rid of every guy friend.

Execpt for TJ.

I did get rid of him actually.

Just not soon enough.

He wouldn't ever tell me everything.

He wanted me to tell him everything.

He always said he had to try hard for me to say anything to him.

I was too scared to ask him everything I wanted to know.

I was too afraid to ask things. Anything.

I was saving myself for something special.

My first make out.

My first real love.

My first guy I cared about more.

My first boyfriend I would give anything for.

My first love that I would have left everything about me behind to become something he wanted.

As long as he loves me why does it matter?

I just wanted to make him happy.

Even if want would make him happy was something I didn't like.

I would do it.

Because after, he was so happy.

It seems when he got what he wanted, he loved me even more.

I started to try to tell him everything.

I wanted him to know how I felt and what was going on.

I even started to tell him other peoples stuff.

Something I would've never done before.

but he would ask.

I wanted him happy.

I would tell.

I'm so happy we didn't have sex.

Other then that, there's nothing to be happy about.

I just don't know what to do any more.

I don't know how to handle things.

I've always been bad at life.

Now I'm worse.

It really sucks.

COMMENTS

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Peggers7
02:26 Aug 06 2009

Who in this world is actually "good at life" anyway?

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