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I might end up in jail.

And if not, I'll probably get expelled, and end up with my father....... and wanting to kill myself all over again.

So much for progress, huh?

OMG YOU GAVE ME A RATING OF 1! DX

Now I shall go die in a pit. Thank you for showing me I'm worthless over a site. :P

Haha I love dumb assess.

Why am I a class a fuck up?

Why can't I do anything right?



FUCK I'M WORTHLESS!

COMMENTS

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Seshat
23:38 Sep 19 2012

No one is worthless. I bet you have a million AWESOME qualities. Sometimes it's just a little bit difficult to see them...but I BET they are there! :)

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ClippedWingedVampire
01:35 Sep 20 2012

Thanks.

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Oceanne
16:20 Sep 20 2012

Not worthless . You simply arent making good decisions concerning your actions.



But no,not worthless at all.

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DarkMuse
21:18 Sep 26 2012

No, not worthless, we all make mistakes,

learn from them, that's why they are called

mistakes...live and learn, the journey of life:)

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We're okay....

Yeah, we're okay :$

I'm afraid to say "I love you"

Too afraid of the response.... or lack of it.

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ClippedWingedVampire
05:36 Sep 19 2012

I was stupid to worry, heehee

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He'll tell me when he's ready...

I hope.

My sister is making me write an apology letter to the girls I threatened so maybe I won't get expelled or have charges pressed against me. But I have NOOOO idea how to do it.

I don't do apology letters. I'll say sorry, but not like this.

God, I fucken hate humans!

People threaten me all the time, you don't see me running away with my tail between my legs like some little pussy to my mommy. Ugh.

I told some girls that they have a nice ass, I wanna fuck em and let's have a threesome. They we're talking shit about my friend which pissed me off when I was already in a bad mood, and I threatened their lives. Didn't mean it... but it's a really big possibility that I get expelled and charges pressed against me. If so... I'll probably live with my father. I can finally tolerate the people and energy there, and I may have to move back up the coast. Plus go to juvie possibly.... I know I fucked up.... but do things have to keep getting worse for me?

Maybe God really does hate me....



On another note, I'm contemplating Wicca... but I'm scared of hell. But if God hates me What's the point of loving Him.....?

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Oceanne
01:23 Sep 19 2012

Yes. To answer your lament.



We are very capable of influencing our enviroments.



Keep letting your mouth and anger get the better of you,then yes,things will just keep getting worse.



It has nothing to do with God,but has much to do with your own actions and lack of self discipline.



And if you are indeed contemplating Wicca,I would seriously think about self discipline.

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ClippedWingedVampire
01:49 Sep 19 2012

Something I'm trying to learn.

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Today my mother and I we're playing what if... I asked what if I was a vampire. She said she'd kill me for being an abomination to God, even if I didn't want to be one... Cause It's impossible to love God as a vampire... but I am one... and I do.... and though it is admittedly harder... I do.... does that mean He doesn't love me back?

Am I wasting my time on Him?

I finally got a donor! He lives in Georgia, though, so he'd have to travel, which he likes.... I think this might work. He knows nothing of vampires so its kinda... eh... but I don't mind. He's got a great spiritual pressure, and gives off really good energy.

I'ms a happy girl.

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ladySnowStrixx
17:36 Sep 14 2012

ok if this "donor " is going to be giving you blood you might want to think about having him tested first for any know blood diseases or problems , you would not want to drink someones blood and find out later you caught something or at least request his or her latest physical exam records.

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ClippedWingedVampire
02:31 Sep 15 2012

Already done! He's in perfect health!:D

but thank you for your care:)

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mindgeeee
03:10 Sep 15 2012

How do you found him

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ClippedWingedVampire
20:17 Sep 16 2012

Talked to some vampire friends... put out a group on IMO for vampires and donors and he talked to me and things have really hit it off. We haven't met offline, yet. We want to be sure about things. We're both being careful and both taking our time.

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I know it's wrong... but I want to see him... since Monday I've been waiting to peek out my window and see his face... to say sorry....

Every time I hear a knock at my window, I get excited, just to find out it's just some of my friends wanting to get high. And lately... I've been saying no. It's numbing, but that's exactly how I'd get addicted. I barely smoke cigarettes anymore. About a pack every month and a half, if that.

Why can't it just be him?

*Sigh* why can't I just be left alone?

I'm gonna go puke... I seriously feel like shit. Someone kill me now!

FEEL....

LIKE...

SHIT!

So tired.

Craving a bloody big mac and fries. Not like British bloody, I want blood on a fucken big mac and fries. Ooooh, anyone wanna buy it for me?

My friends know I need a donor, and a couple have offered. But I know that whoever my donor is, is just going to be food to me. I've never had a donor, but I just know that's how I'll be, and I respect my friends too much. But it sucks that I can't find a donor.

When you get that overwhelming urge to flick somebody off.

So... torture and blood and all that bad stuff really turns me on. Like watching Paranormal Activities and shit really turns me on. I'm weird. I love it :D

I have major writers block. On all my stories. So I'm reading them through again and again, and I'm still stuck T.T

I'm ready to shoot something in the face, I'm so frustrated.

I'm going to be gone for a while, since I got suspended from school. So I'll talk to you all later. Send me messages and I'll get them whenever I can!

I didn't know of any songs what I felt yesterday, so I just didn't put one on.



Such a lonely day

And it's mine

The most loneliest day of my life



Such a lonely day

Should be banned

It's a day that I can't stand



The most loneliest day of my life

The most loneliest day of my life



Such a lonely day

Shouldn't exist

It's a day that I'll never miss



Such a lonely day

And it's mine

The most loneliest day of my life



And if you go, I wanna go with you

And if you die, I wanna die with you

Take your hand and walk away



The most loneliest day of my life

The most loneliest day of my life

The most loneliest day of my life



Such a lonely day

And it's mine

It's a day that I'm glad I survived

COMMENTS

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DarkMuse
21:02 Sep 12 2012

Such a sad poem, but there is also strength

as well, you survived:). We all have days like

this, but I know for a teenager they can be

mind numbing...lol

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ClippedWingedVampire
04:31 Sep 13 2012

I didn't write it, it's by a band called System of a Down. That's just how I felt. I deal with a lot of problems that isn't for teenagers, but I have to do it.

But I'm okay, I guess.

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They say there's no handbook for being a parent, but there's no handbook for being a son or a daughter, either. I mean, we're trying to figure out who we are, how to make friends, get a bf/gf, deal with school, deal with puberty, deal with peer pressure, and if you're on this site, probably trying to dealing with being bullied or ostracized.

It's no wonder so many kids today turn to drugs or cutting themselves. We're under so much pressure.

I wish I could say it gets better, but I don't know. I'm 17. I'm still going through it myself. Luckily I've got 8 months left, six until I'm 18. Hopefully it will get better. Hopefully I'll be happy and loved one day....

hopefully.

My mom hates me. She said, because I got suspended from school, that I'm about to lose everything....

Does that mean my home, too?

I want to get out, but I'm tired of my mom not loving me.

Am I worthless to her? Or in general?

Or is it that I'm just...

Not good enough?

Every day I'm going to write in lyrics to a song, for how I feel that day.



I've given up on giving up slowly, I'm blending in so

You won't even know me apart from this whole world that shares my fate

This one last bullet you mention is my one last shot at redemption

because I know to live you must give your life away

And I've been housing all this doubt and insecurity and

I've been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key

And I've been dying to get out and that might be the death of me

And even though, there's no way in knowing where to go, promise I'm going because

I gotta get outta here

I'm stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake

I gotta get outta here

And I'm begging You, I'm begging You, I'm begging You to be my escape.



I'm giving up on doing this alone now

Cause I've failed and I'm ready to be shown how

He's told me the way and I'm trying to get there

And this life sentence that I'm serving

I admit that I'm every bit deserving

But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair



Cause I've been housing all this doubt and insecurity and

I've been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key

And I've been dying to get out and that might be the death of me

And even though, there's no way in knowing where to go, promise I'm going because

I gotta get outta here

Cause I'm afraid that this complacency is something I can't shake

I gotta get outta here

And I'm begging You, I'm begging You, I'm begging You to be my escape.



I am a hostage to my own humanity

Self detained and forced to live in this mess I've made

And all I'm asking is for You to do what You can with me

But I can't ask You to give what You already gave



Cause I've been housing all this doubt and insecurity and

I've been locked inside that house all the while you hold the key

And I've been dying to get out and that might be the death of me

And even though, there's no way in knowing where to go, promise I'm going because

I've gotta get outta here

I'm stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake

I've gotta get outta here

And I'm begging You, I'm begging You, I'm begging

You to be my escape.



I fought You for so long

I should have let You in

Oh how we regret those things we do

And all I was trying to do was save my own skin

But so were You



So were You

I'm over him, until I hear his voice,

and then my heart melts, and I feel like the girl that was in love with him.

But I'm not.

I'm just... confused around him, even when I'm only talking to him on the phone.

I miss him, but I know I'm better off without him.

I want to cry.... But I don't want to be weak because of him anymore.

I'm starting over.....



So why do I feel so stuck in the past still....?

Follow me @lifeofvampgrl

:D

kik me : lolvamp

pinger me: 8134191313



:D



Not single

Looking for clean, nice chat, please. :)

I never wanted this. I never asked for this. I hate this. The bloodless, the decisions... I'm fucking Seventeen for Christ's sake! Why is it all falling on me? Why am I evil for doing what I think is right?



Just take it all away.

Just....



I miss being human.

I've made my decision. I know what I'm gonna do. I'm sorry Marcus. I'm sorry Ben. Don't hate me, but I need to do what's right for me.

council, what's left of it, adios amigos.

May the odds be ever in your favor.

I've realized something....

I don't go on any sites other than VR.

It's like my facebook.

Lolz I'm such a nerd.



ADVENTURE TIME :D

I'm faced with a really big decision. One where, of course, Nothing is black and white. It's the entire fucken spectrum. But even though it's not what my mentors would have me do, and they've even gone so far as to call it 'evil'.....

I kinda wanna do the opposite.

is it a decision of right and wrong or personal opinion.

and how do you oppose Marcus? Dude could kick chuck Norris' ass.

"As I walked in the dark through the tunnels and tunnels of books, I could not help thinking that if I, by pure chance, had found a whole universe in a single, unknown book, buried in that endless Necropolis, tens of thousands more would remain unexplored, forgotten forever... while the world. That throbbed outside the library seemed to be losing its memory, day after day, unknowingly, feeling all the wiser the more it forgot."



Fucken love this quote.

So today there was a pep rally.

I'm sorry, a 'spirit rally. They think that by changing the name, and NOT the football team is going to help us beat the one team that kicks our ass every year.

it was cool. But seriously, my day.

My best friend and her boyfriend fought. Again. And then they made up. All within six hours.



I told my best friend since I was twelve I was a vampire, and she didn't quite believe me. I told her I couldn't make her believe me, that I could just explain to her what I could, answer her questions, and that I still love her. It didn't change anything between us. Nothing ever has. Not truly. I love my Shannon *_* Heehee



Something attacked me about an hour ago. I don't know who or what, but it wasn't physical. I felt nauseous all of a sudden and had to drink almost an entire bottle of grape juice (which is the best sub for me ATM) to get enough energy to fight back. It wasn't scary, just annoying, since I had to fight and help my mom get ready for an event tonight.

But I'm glad for my training, cause it was nothing compared to what I deal with there. Lolz