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So I get woken up at 4AM, just half an hour ago, by my dog. Take him out so that he can eat grass (not sure why that randomly started). Come back inside to check my online shit because you know, what else do I have going for me.



An ex from years back has sent me a friend request on Facebook. An online relationship, a rather on and off thing from what I remember...still. Long enough that I can't remember why we broke up.



Asks me how things are going and such. I tell her most of my recent bullshit. I get cut off halfway through typing it all for her to tell me "Oh if it makes you feel any better I'm a single mom going threw a divorce".



Uh...huh. Not one to just assume, I respond with "...I see."



...



"I miss your voice :("



Ahem. To anyone who reads this that ends up in a divorce and desperate for some support, either come out and say it, or DON'T DO IT LIKE THAT.



Hahaha. Noooo thank you.

So...got a bit before I head into class.



Most of my life I've grown up with this immediate family that seems to deem a lot of problems I run into as things that aren't problems at all. If they don't think it's a thing, then it's just whining and I shouldn't be bothering with it.



Well. A secret haha to the parents who think I'm fine, my therapist (who I'm seeing for free as a student), says I'm depressed. I'll take a professional's opinion over my "We have problems your life is fine" parents any day.



I won't go into detail, I'm not here to cry and ask for pity...but lately it's pretty damn difficult to keep interested in anything. I've no desire to go to work, and not in that lazy sense of not wanting to go. I don't want to go to class, I don't want to hardly wake up or do much of anything. I play games almost in a routine not to think about things, I use YouTube videos for background noise. I just can't seem to find the drive to get out and do anything. Lately I've been taking naps more and more. I won't even be tired, I just lay down and fall asleep.



I'm not sure what's wrong. And hell, with how my parents react to anything I bring up, most of the time I don't even know if I have actual problems or not. I've been pretty much programmed to second guess myself or not talk about what's on my mind because I'm too damn afraid to hear "You're just whining" from anyone.



Eh. This is all probably just karma anyway. At least I'm making someone smile, if that's the case.

COMMENTS

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Oblitus
05:19 Apr 08 2015

We all have problems, real problems at that. And I am confident almost every soul has already, currently is, or will soon be facing what you have. Though for how long is partially up to them, others will argue its entirely up to you.



When I was experiencing this, I was fresh out of high school, and tech school. My christian extremist father's 'encouraging words' only left me feeling suffocated. All the while my mother was not really in my life by that point. So one parental figure was no where to be seen and the other was emotionally and verbally degrading.



Between sleep and games of all shapes and sizes. I really did not get out of my rut until I went into volunteer work. Because it forced me to get my mind out of what's been bothering me. I realized that although I may not have agreed with my family, I still respected them to the point where their inane opinions had a hold of me. Because I allowed it, trying to live up to their expectations... It's a depressing route.



If anything, sleep is an outstanding medicine. But if you want to get a new 'high' so to speak. Look for some volunteer work, thrift stores, animal shelters, even that church stuff. Anything to get out of your parent's grip is good advice. Because wisdom comes from where you are born, but also, where you are told never to go.



Hope this helps, if anything.



An old face.

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