Spiel on Life and Such09:02 Mar 10 2008
Times Read: 725
As life unfolds before me and I find myself to be an adult, I have got to thinking. No longer can I call myself a child who is still deciding what they want to be when they grow up. No, I'm not going through a quarter life crisis just because I've hit 21, it's because I'm leaving here that I have got to thinking. My plans keep changing and once again they have. Firstly I was going to go for 6 months. Then a year. Then slightly over a year. And then come back... but why? For what? To study? I still haven't decided what I want to 'be', so therefore I have nothing I want to study.
There are a few things I want to do with my life, and those things include learning several languages, publishing several books, and seeing as much of the world as possible. Language and writing it seems, after a lifetime of being shit at everything, are the only things I am fairly decent at. I can pick up a language relatively well if I try. So... I thought that after I have spent my time in Britain, I will then travel Europe and Scandinavia, and then find another country to spend time in. I would like to learn French, so perhaps I'll spend several months in France. Spanish is apparently the second most widely used language after English, so I'd like to learn that too, and since France and Spain are next door to eachother, maybe I'll spend several months there aswell. Currently I'm studying a small amount of Scottish Gaelic and Czech, but neither are languages that I'm really going to use after I visit the places that they are spoken in. After all this time, I should hopefully have completed at least one of the books in my trilogy.
I might sound like I'm being dramatic or stupid, but I keep seeing things that frighten me back to reality. I've been told that I'm likely to end up as a drifter, as in someone who drifts through life; always unsure of what they're going to do, moving from job to job, never really achieving much. I see the people around me getting older, going to work everyday, going in and out of relationships, maybe moving away, just living life like normal... but I see them and wonder what they're going to 'do' with themselves, who they're going to become, where they'll be in ten or twenty years. I've always fancied myself as an observer, but my own increasing age throws into relief the fact that that is exactly what's happening to me.
I also see people who are middle-aged or older, still living their lives day to day, facing problems as they come, but still wondering what they want to do with their lives.
Shit, I don't want to be a drifter. I have a memory of being on the bus years ago, and two women in their forties sitting infront of me were discussing the difference between washing powders. It was from that day forward that I vowed to make my life exciting enough that I would have more interesting things to talk about that washing powder.
Life for most people involves school, then further study, then career, marriage, and kids. Alot of people are happy with this and that's great, but the thought of tht scares me shitless and feels like jail really. I don't want to be a drifter, but I don't want an ordinary, straight forward life either.
So, I've decided to sotp listening to people who think my ideas are stupid and do what I want anyway. A year ago I started saying to everyone, "I'm going to go to Scotland", and the responses were things like, "Pft yeah, I'll believe it when I see it", or, "Don't be ridiculous, stay here and get a job". Well poo to all those people because I'll be there in a few short months. It's the same for other things. It's always my family who makes comments like this, or scoff and shake their heads when I suggest something. They thought it was a dumb idea when I wanted to buy a van, but I persuaded them otherwise when the van turned out to be the best thing I ever bought.
I wanted to learn the drums, so I saved up, got myself lessons, bought a kit, had a fucking excellent time of it and joined a band.
It's for all these reasons and more that I've decided to stop listening to other people who disparage my ideas for what I'd like to do with my life. There is nothing except age that differentiates between myself and my elders who think they know what's best for me. Age is no indicator of wisdom nor experience alot of the time. So what makes someone else's opinion more correct than mine? Nothing really, so I'll do what I think is best. Everyone should, if you think you are wise enough to make your owns decisions.
I refuse to drift through life, and hopefully this wee trip of mine should open up a few more doors for me, because there really is nothing here. The adventure begins now, and hopefully in ten years I can look back on what I've done so far and be jolly proud of myself.
Thank you *bows*
COMMENTS
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captainglobehead
21:09 Mar 22 2008
Never let anyone dissuade you from your chosen path. Nothing new was ever accomplished without somebody stepping outside the box. You can do whatever you set your mind to. And if by chance you fail, it will not be because you didn't try.
I have faith in your abilities and your determination.
Eternally your fan
goetiabklyn
11:12 Mar 31 2008
One thing to say listen to no one and nothing except your own heart.. If the heart isn't happy how can you find happiness?
DefiantxXxAngel
12:13 Oct 22 2010
This helped me.
Ive recently turned eighteen and graduated.
I had a few ideas for myself but they were shot down quickly.
I might try them after all :)
Thanks