The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

This is for those Parents of boys, Grandparents of boys, Sisters of boys, and Boys that have grown older. And anyone else who needs a LAUGH!



Why boys need parents...



1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. Ft. House 4 inches deep.



2! .) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.



3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.



4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. Room.



5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.



6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.



7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words 'uh oh', it's already too late.



8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.



9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36- year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.



10.) Certain Lego's will pass th rough the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.



11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.



12.) Super glue is forever.



13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.



14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.



15.) VCR's do not eject 'PB & J' sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.



16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.



17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.



18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.



19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens..



20.) The fire department in Austin , TX has a 5-minute response time.



21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.



22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.



23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.



24.) 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.



25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

COMMENTS

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LadyChordewa
05:18 Mar 18 2009

LordV and I were sitting here, reading this together, when I got to the end. I looked at him, pointed my finger and said, "No!" lol

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The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks,

interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists - two men and

a woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large

metal door and handed him a gun.



"We must know that you will follow our instructions, no matter what the

circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a

chair. Kill Her!" The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot

my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job."



The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went

into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out

with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent

said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."



Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to

kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were

heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on

the walls.



After a few minutes, all was quiet.



The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from

her brow, and said, "This gun is loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to

death with the chair."



Moral of the story:

Women are evil.

Don't mess with them!

COMMENTS

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dabbler
02:11 Mar 07 2009

Smart women follow orders.. I kid..

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Cheetahcry
03:51 Mar 07 2009

lol dabbler.... I thought that it was funny

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cadrewolf
16:59 Mar 09 2009

Well that is about right

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