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Well am in a minefield called (coincidentally) life (aren't we all) but I got my armour which is thick (my morals and honur/integrity) and my weapon's (my beliefs, emotions and heart) which convientlly looks like a SA 80 British assault rifle (funny that) and at the end of the barrel is a huge wicked looking blade for the up close and personal battle's.

Now for a while anyway its been quiet :) which is cool and all no clouds on the horizon and hey even a clear starry night or two but I look around my fox hole and its nice and all but damn it is cold I'm talking freeezer cold, I put the heating on (when I see my kid and my mates) but I'm only warm for a little while.

Sometimes I happen to see the foxhole behind me situated a little further up the hill and it's manned by two ppl and their happy and fight together (and with each other which is worse sometimes) but I ask myself am I alone in here because I want to be or because I have to be??

When the weather gets really cold all my barriers are flimsy and I feel the cold and it turns me numb so numb I can't move and what'll happen if a big enemy advance's?? half crippled by coldness I may fail (I put up a fucking good fighjt though) I long for a companion when I see them together but the light hurts me to look at so i turn away and focus on my other source's of heat the thing's that keeep me going but even as I begin to warm up there's an icicle in here that slowly drips and never disappears as if to remind me that I may not be as warm as I want to be.

Battle on soldier you got no choice.

::light's a smoke and lies back in a comfy chair and close's eye's as I take a pull on my smoke::



I dunno, so happy bein alone yet why is it I feel that in another time is where I belong not here??

I want a maiden who I could serve,protect,love and cherish.

To have a maiden who fill's me with happiness and content who is strong and gentle and loving.

I would rather have an axe in my hand and a shield to fight an enemy who would threaten anything I hold dear a clear cut enemy no if's or but's.

When i sleep I'm in fields and village's not a car or plane to be seen.

And yet thinking FEEELING this I am a peaceful person I'd rather sit and chill with my Daughter or my mate's..............................my nature is one of defiance not of the world but maybe the need to persevere to live to never give up and yet also I wish sometime's jus to movwe get out the way let it pass me by or jus whwen I've beeen floored not to get up.

But I can't........................I won't and I hate self pity and not usually part of me who I am but still

::shake's head::

::Finishe's smoke and stub's it out and stand's ready to go back out and join the rest of humanity in the struggle with a strange and enigmatic grin on my face as the door close's behind me::

Well today I started a project of sort's.

It's called the prince's trust kinda improves your job prospectives and learn how to work in a team and all that crapola.

Oh hell lol my first day today and were playing ice breaking games you know and apparently I made up the words "eulogy" and "oestrogen"..................and I'm on this course for 12 weeks.

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HELP ME!!!!!!!! lol