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I went to see a movie with mom and her co-workers. The movie was called "Why did I get married?" I didn't think I would like it. However I was wrong...



This movie taught me about relationships and even a little about friendships. For romantic relationships are a lot like friendships to! It talked about how you shouldn't put down your self because thats not very attractive. It talked about to always be honest with your partner/friend. It talked about how to communicate with others. And it talked about the hardships of marriage and the ups and downs of the relationship. In the end...you need to work things out together even if you disagree on things at first. And for some situations they require you to let go when you really don't want to. The biggest thing about the relationships in this movie was that the couples had to work together and they wern't doing it at first. Its all about give and take...and the fact in order to get through anything you have to love each other because that is what will get you through the hard times!



I think all of this can even go for a friend in a certain way. Just not to the point where you two are technacly commited to each other but commited within the friendship when your there when you need each other! Where you make each other strong together! And I think the point in this is to apprecaite the love givin to you...



This movie really inspired me to keep searching for what I want because one day I'll find it! I just have to believe and hope for the best until I do! And...it was just a very emotional and wonderful thing to see. I almost cried but...I really enjoyed it!

To be honest, I'm not okay. And to be blunt...well it feels like no one truly cares at all because if they did they would see the hints and signs I put out when I am upset. This life seems to be fake and no matter how hard I try it is not in anyones nature to truly notice. Unless of course they really do care. But then again most people are tired of me so they stop caring. But one day they'll see how much they hurt me and beg for my forgiveness. I'm sick of saying I am sorry when I didn't do anything wrong. I am sick of being this way, but yet I have no choice to be when people treat me like crap. I see where I am now in a persons place...oh they say they care but they don't. Its only an illusion, its only a fantasy. People that care try to do something about it even if it ends up being worthless in the end. The fact that they tried is what makes the difference between people who don't care at all. All I see in this world is mesery...I seem to have nothing left to live for as no one is really there for me. And as it seems even the closest of friends will betray you. But in this...some of you have struggled with me far beyond others. For this I am sorry for.



In all that I think right now is death, in my own little world filled with nothing but despair and darkness. It continues to rain down from my eternal pain causing me to nearly disappear into nothingness. Only when one shows me their heart can I truly be revived. No one is there now and I feel all alone. What friends I wonder will read this and try to be there for me? I expect none to...

Recent feelings have come up. I been getting headaches a lot...and right now I'm not sure if its due to a lack of sleep or what. But when I do try to sleep its like I toss and turn. For some reason thoughts of being in the hospital enter me and people being upset because I'm in there. I'm not sure weither its a physical thing or a mental one. Just lately I haven't been feeling that up to anything and I just been sitting at home.



It feels like I could get sick...maybe I am sick. My head hurts so much..and my shoulders sometimes twitch. Along with how my chest seems to have slight pain in it. Its like when I try to wake up from sleeping my body is just really tired and weak and I haven't really felt up to going anywhere either which is weird. I'm not sure if its stress or anything...but I just do not feel well.

I think I feel really good right now. Realizing how much people care and love me even though sometimes it feels like they don't. I feel as if people are really caring and try to do their best to help me. The love within such a thing, and even within my self is very much apprecaited. People put up with my shit, you stay there and I try my best to help them too. In return I get compasion and even a little physical love from strangers...



Today, I met my friends brother whom is just...so cool. He said: "I know I don't know you very well or anything but I'm gonna give you a hug." It was very sweet. For a guy to hug me...wow thats like...NEVER HAPPENED!!! It was very refreshing and today I just felt so much better then I have been feeling.



I've also realized that people look at me and my friends as very scary people and think we worship satan. (I have a friend who does that but I love her!) But in truth we are all nice people, unless you offend us in some way. We maybe dark, but just because we are doesn't mean we are out to get you. Its just another way we live life because those of the light at times try to expose us for who we truly are and put it out as we are bad people. They can't accept we are different because we don't follow their ways. In fact, we are very simular, nearly almost the exact same. We live under the same sky, we live on the same ground, breath the same air, drink the same water, and yet we are indeed seperated and abused as evil. In my personal outlook of things, I'd say the ones who persecute anyone for being different or them selves with out any reason and those people are not causing any soul and intentional harm to others then I don't think we should be feared or outcasted because of just that!



It has been said...for I am the walker of both sides even though I am indeed more dark then light. I am the nightkin, child of the moon and earth, fed by the sun and cared for by the elements. I stand along with my brothers and sisters as one! To make a better world, showing those of the light that their oppisite sides are no different then they even though we walk different paths. I am the seeker, the truth sayer, I stand for what is good and right. I fight for what is within my heart and stand up to those who try to defy me my individuality. I have been known by many names through out the years. But the name you shall know me is, Raven Darkshire. Defender of the innocent and speaker of the nightkin.





I have this one thing to say to anyone who reads this, either they be light or dark.



"Know not in this vast and epic world we live in, we are one in it all making a community of a race. For we are the generation of stars, ancesters of the ancient gods. Let my purpose be known to all that seek it. For it will someday be within all thoughts and ways of being. Stand for your right to live as you are, to not change or be forced be changed. Changing in a way only you feel is correct or as life wants it to be. Remember that we are all brothers and sisters of the universe and mothered by our earth! We are ONE!"



-Raven Darkshire-

Maybe I should just go ahead and get the fuckin surgery. If I can't be my self to everyone and not nessarilly them liking me but basically them not saying a word about who I am in a gender. It just bothers me how I can't be my self in front of friends family members.



Sometimes I wonder to if I really should exist. Things might seem so much more better for me with out such emotion, higher in understanding somewhere else. People say they care to...but if they care why don't they admit they do...I mean caring and loving are kinda two different things. If someone can plainly say "I love you" outloud in front of their boyfriend/girlfriend then that is just fucking awesome. (cuz someone did tonight) Words like that mean so much, and for someone to say their your friend when you like them as a friend to but your not sure if they do.



If people truly love another...I just think they should say it even if their just a friend. You don't have to say "I love you, but as a friend." That always makes me feel lower! But if you just say "I love you" plainly then...it just feels nice. People to me...yeah they can care but that doesn't mean they love you at all. But then again thats just how I see it.



I understand people are not like me but I think having emotions and such come natural to everyone with expressing them. I mean yeah someone can be shy but you can tell. But sometimes it feels like people just care and don't love. I believe love exists within any form. I think love is like your burning up in a fire and someone comes in when they were told by the firefighters not to but they do anyway! But for someone who cares their just like "NO NO YOU CAN'T DIE!!!!" and not do a damn thing about it. That is an example of how love is different from caring to me.



I wish I could truly be me...and not the physical male aspect of me, but the real female within me. So maybe it could be a tiny bit easier for me to get a guy...and people may not stare at me as much either. I'm just not sure how to contact someone like that. Right now I'm just stuck in a hole not being able to do anything about it. It makes me depressed sometimes because I realize that....thats not me on the outside...it makes me feel like shit. -sigh- I wonder if my life will end happily ever after.

In all of our years of experiencing with the craft we have come across the technique to listen to the earth. What many people fail to do is actually truly listen. They think that you can get information by just merely wishing, which can work.



I find a more hands on ability works best. When you combine your sense of touch with your sense of hearing you can come across a huge success in actually listening to our mother earth. You could possibly even tell if one of your friends was coming just by listening to everything around you.



I believe that many people ignore the fact that we have this very same ability, and in fact is used by most blind people today. They have to learn to get around more differently then we do because they can’t see. If a blind person is patient enough and experienced in what they are really capable of, then they can tell things before someone else can. This is because they listen to the earth vibrations around them. A very long time ago we used to do the very same thing but forgot how.



In actually meditating outside for a few weeks you may discover something you never noticed before if you just listen to your surroundings. To not only be aware what is around physically, but what is around in the astral as well. Our earth is intertwined with the other worlds out there and even though we may not be able to see what else is there, they still are in fact there.



Meditation is the key to seeing what “isn’t” there. If you do it often outside you notice certain vibrations in the ground. A very good way to do that is having less clothes when you first do it, because of the fact your senses for it is weak. When you start to develop a more stronger sense try it then with more clothes.



Not only must you listen in the ground but within the air to. Certain vibrations come from the air as well as the earth. It is important if you ever study any type of witchery that you absolutely pay attention to mother nature even if that means talking to the animals. She can give us help in our everyday problems just with our magical ones. Many people fail to realize that nature is everything, and so everything is connected. Even in a mundane world there is nature there just as well with the magic that surrounds us. We have always had that power to call upon the inner forces of nature within our selves. Then again most people don’t realize we hold all five elements of life. Are bones are the earth, the stomach acid is the fire, the cells and organs make up the water, the lungs make up the air, and finally our souls make up the spirit.



We have the power of divine, we just can’t use it like people think we can. It is only for certain things, and those certain things pertain to our lives in nature and NOT personal gain. Many witches/wizards that I have known use magic and nature for that exact purpose, to gain money. I believe its only needed be when you actually really NEED the money and not for some stupid lottery.



The earth is our wonderful home filled with ups and downs of emotions, along with the genital touch of perfect life. Everyone thinks our lives should be perfect, but in fact if they were like that we wouldn’t be here in the first place. Those lives are reserved ONLY after we complete our missions here on earth.



The perfect life of earth is simple. It is everything. Our mundane to our magical. It is all that we see which is natures perfect circle. Many people don’t think so but I happen to be of that opinion. Why? Because, with out the bad you can’t ever have the good. And with out the good you can’t have the bad. That is life to me, good and bad, pure and bane, ups and downs. Its all part of life which we have to learn to accept.



Until you learn that lesson is only when you will start to grow spiritually or magically. A true witch or wizard knows that everything is in need within balance, as is everything must have a good or bad reaction to everything that happened.



Many people have asked me this question “Why would you ever want something bad to happen to you?” My response was “Because, with out bad you can’t have good, and if something is destined to happen there is nothing I or anyone else can do to stop it.” Many people have trouble understanding that factor of me.





Our earth as I have so plainly put it is my paradise until my time is up. This is why its so important for anyone in the craft to realize how we use our energy of the earth. This is also why many people lack the power they are supposed to and are greedy. They don’t listen to their own senses just as they should as the earths. When you begin to study along with the earth and speak in her language you can see things more clearly, and in fact become one with it!



Remember that everything is connected and nothing happens by accident. We must always be willing to listen to what our planet has to say, because it may one day indeed save our very lives.

I wrote this about a year or two ago, was in a trance when I had actually written it and I have reason to believe a higher being was speaking through me!















People have asked me all kinds of things involving spirituality. They begin to think that I am all powerful when I am not. They see me as some type of leader. They believe that I can solve all their problems. They think I don’t have problems of my own. I once told a friend “Just because it seems like I have it all together don’t mean I do.” He always came to me for every single problem he had. Until finally I couldn’t stand it no more and confessed the truth to not only him but my family to.



I found out that very day that I didn’t need to act strong to be strong, because when you do that your really being weak. If you just ignore your problems they won’t just disappear from your mind, you have to solve them and once you do they won’t bother you again. From all these things I learned people try to use magic or use people so those others can feel exactly like them. People think that if they do this its just going to go away right then and there. I mean get real, if your truly going to solve your problem you have to think on it and come up with a reasonable solution that really works! Magic may work for a lot of things but it does not work for life experiences like that. People think you do one spell and it just takes everything away instead of dealing with it! I believe if your truly meant to experience something its going to come back to you again and again even if you use magic. Cuz see your not just dealing with a problem, your dealing with fate its self, the universal justice system which teaches us all!



I came across a very interesting thought a few days ago. This pertained to the meaning of life its self. I have reason to believe the meaning of life isn’t a true meaning, but more on how things really are. In my belief system there isn’t just a god and a goddess or just all gods in general, but a true and one being which has always been. I call this being the ONE. The ONE is basically everything that is. Now people wonder how one being and life co-exist this way. Basically, everything that is has already been here. There is no such thing as time or how it was created, its just always been. Now for things to be there must be the ONE but for the ONE to be everything there must already be everything. So you see it’s a balance between both divine things. The universe has always been here just as many other planets including this one. Now yes, there is a time when everything begins to slow down a bit, but after some time it comes right back up again. The molecules them selves have always been here, there is no explanation of how they were created, because before the atom was energy and that was the first form of life. Its just that things had to come out of the ONE gentle like and very slowly. Now those things still were there, they just hadn’t come out of the ONE yet. See, its like a class room, the ONE is the teacher and everything else is the class. Things have to grow at a certain rate for them to be what they truly are. it’s a very confusing thing but it makes sense to me. Wither you believe it or not this planet and the others were always here, they just went out for a while then came back. There is no such things as years, that’s all counted by how much a planet goes around the sun, as well with the days where the planet spins in orbit. See things in this realm were actually here before they were physical, they continued to grow and grow until finally they were granted the gift of a form. After all, energy maybe turn into dust, but what does dust turn into? A form! All this for balance people wonder, but yet they still want to know more. I may not know everything that is but as least I may know how it all began, that in my opinion is all I need to live not only a spiritual life but a logical one to.