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SO FRICKIN BUSY OMG! This damn school keeps loading on the shit. Within the next week....i have a 7 page paper....4 lab reports....umm....a big chem lab report....a presentation....a paper....and somewhere in there study for a microbio exam. I thought stuff was bad before...man...I haven't slept since saturday night (literally) and its tuesday right now. I have so much going on AAAHHH!!!!! And I'm not getting sleep tonight....So much to do! But...on a good note....I'm past the exhausted stage...I'm now just numb and....here....but too much work to sleep....yay.

Anyways....I bid you all a great one....time to get back to work.

Never again will I get wasted on a school night wow. Ok...here's the story. I had a presentation that had the be 10 mins long or we fail.....mine was 10 mins long TO THE SECOND! If I didn't say thank you at the end...I would have failed. So I was estatic all day. My friend bought me a 6-pack of Bacardi Raz to celebrate and I downed about 5 of them last night(i love rasberry ANYTHING let alone alcohol!). Needless to say...I got drunk. It was funny. I get stupid when I'm drunk. Like at 3am I ran downstairs and knocked on my friends door and sat indian-style on the floor. She opens the door half asleep and I BUST out laughing....then I get up, scream "HI!!!!!!" on the top of my lungs and run back to my room. Oh man. I finally passed out around 6am.......woke up at 8:15 for my 9 am class.....hangover.....dont wanna be here.....wanna sleep.....but it was OH so fun.

Anyways...I gotta go to class.

Ugh.

Wish me luck.

I bid you all a great day thats hangover-free!

I swear to God If I get loaded with anymore shit, I'm going to explode. I'm taking 17 credit hours this semester....and it kinda sucked before but its really bad now. In just two weeks (meaning two weeks from last monday) I have 4 papers (three of them over 10 pages) two presentations and millions of hours of research due. I needed a night to relax before i continue with the dreaded research, so I hung out with my friend Ashley until about midnight last night. I blew half of my paycheck on supplies and we experimented with some recipes we created. We made Chicken parmigan, garlic mashed potatoes, cheesy garlic bread and homemade angel food cake (now i would like to say that this cake was amazing . Basically you bake the cake the normal way...and while its cooling you mush up a shit load of frozen strawberries and extra-creamy cool-whip and my secret ingrediant which you will never know...then you cut an inch off the top of the cake (so its like a lid) And then you cut a moat in the middle of the cake. You take the cake you cut out for the moat and tear them into little pieces and mix it in with the strawberry concoction....then you pour that into the moat. Put the lid back on and frost it with coolwhip and then put it in the fridge so the coolwhip hardens slightly.) OMG IT WAS AMAZING!!!! I'm quite proud of myself! Anyways, then we just layed around watching movies after we ate...and it was OH so good...mmmmm.

On to other topics.......

Tomorrow is going to be a happy as well as sad day for me. Happy because it is my fiance and my two-year anniversary. To me this is a big day (my longest relationship was a year) and it still amazes me that my feelings for him are greater than our one-year. I know that sounds bad, but i've never had my love keep getting stronger and stronger....its always kinda gone down after awhile...but with Tom...its completely different. He's given me something I don't think i can ever explain....but I'm eternally greatful for what he's done. He's been right by my side through all my trials and tribulations. He's always been able to give me that warm-n-toasty feeling and the butterflies that normally only happens when I'm in a newer relationship. And to think....this whole thing started with him saying "I'll go with you to Prom if you can't find anyone." Neither of us thought a relationship would blossom. At least with me....I was very self-concious and I never thought a guy like Tom would ever go out with me (i had a crush on him since my freshmen year in high school). It just amazes me how far we've come and I can't wait until he comes home so we can start the rest of our lives together. The only reason tomorrow will be sad is because we are not together to share this beautiful day together. But its ok...he's coming home hopefully in October...I can't wait until I can wrap my arms around him again and whisper "i love you" in his ear. ::sigh::

Well...I should probably go start researching.

I bid you all a great weekend and I hope you all don't have hangovers from St. Patty's Day!

Thursday February 24th, 2005:

Sarah's Fortune cookie read:

"Happier days are definetely ahead for you, struggle has ended" and exactly a week later....Gramps dies. Man is that cool or what. I am quite happy that he died. Yes, of course I miss him, but he went through 25 years of excrutiating pain. He finally feels no pain whatsoever. That fortune cookie was absolutely 150% correct. The stuggle has ended. My God that's beautiful.

Days are getting better. Now I have two months to pick up where i left off (meaning catch up in school, sleep etc....get my life back).

Well....Spring Break was boring....eh....oh well. I'll live. I talked to Tommy today...much needed...just needed to hear his voice....felt great. Oh well....gotta start catching up on school. I bid you all a fricking great one!

Thursday March 3, 2005 at 6:30pm will be a moment in time that will always be in my heart. Not too many people know how great of a man my Grandfather was. He was amazing. He never put himself first. His goal was to make other people happy. He was strong and smart and he always knew just what to do to make you smile. We used to own a house in Michigan (we co-owned it with my grandparents) and I have SO many memories of him teaching me stuff. How to drive a four-wheeler, how to do wood-working, how to dam a creek.....i love him so much. I found something shocking out yesterday. My grandpa has actually had cancer for 24 years. He was first diagnosed with kidney cancer in 1981 but 11 of those 25 years he was in remission, then 9 years ago it came back.... didnt know hes had it for so long. He put forth the most amazing battle I've ever seen. He beat the odds on more than one occation. Then he decided that he fought for long enough....and just let go. I would like to say here...that he didn't give up....my grandpa has NEVER giving up. He just decided that it was his time to go...

Anyways...At least I got to say goodbye.



Ok...I'm a very big symbolic person...somewhat superstitious, mostly I'm a big person with signs. We left the hospice home after we said our last goodbyes and I looked up to the sky and I just asked for a sign that he was going to get there ok. And that he was in a better place and not going to feel anymore pain. The sky was crystal clear, but there were no stars (i dont know how this was possible...but it's what happened...there might have been a couple clouds or whatever). Then we drove my grandma home and I was about to walk into her house, I look up and I swear on pain of death, I have never seen that many stars in my life. I busted out crying and that was the greatest sign I've ever been given. Like...he didn't leave from the Hospice home....his soul left from where his heart was.....His home. He built it with his own hands and thats where he was most happy....and above there, is where he was welcomed into Heaven. That was the biggest comfort I've ever been given as well. I'm just so thankful that I went to visit him thurs morning, I was planning on not going until after class.....thank god i went before.

Anyways...I have to go, we have some arrangements to makes still.

I bid you all a great one.

It seems like this neverending sadness keeps intruding into my life. I feel like I'm in a big hole that I will not be able to climb out of. I realize that I am sounding very not like me...but...the fact that in the past 3 months alone....its just one thing after another...shoving me down into this pit of eternal darkness...i dont know what to do. I'm lost.

But...I guess there is nothing i can do but sit and wait for the inevitable.

Later days everyone....

I bid you all a good one...