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7 entries this month
Am I
08:16 Oct 05 2007
Times Read: 670
A dark wind blows
A message it brings me
Not really wanting to hear whats said
Since now I'm wondering aimlessly
A darkness covers me
A chill down my spine
Memories long gone
The pain it reminds
Am I suppose to be this lost?
It blows harder
The fog rises making me blind
Lost in a despair
What am I trying to find?
Circling my mind all over again
Bound up with emotions new
My words all choked
My memories of you
Am I suppose to be this confused?
I don't know where I am
I have once again lost my way
A single tear falls
My ends fray
Desperate is what I cannot be
Needing another's hand
Awaiting my end
Waves stealing the land
Am I supposed to be this weak?
My thoughts whirl
My head spins
I feel so light
Knowing I'll never win
Lost for eternity
Forever bound
Whispers die
Until I'm found
What am I waiting for?
You've taken everything of me
07:58 Oct 05 2007
Times Read: 675
You've taken everything of me
Your words cut deep onto my soul
I can't get them out of my mind
On my heart they're taking their toll
Escape is something I can't find
You push me and you pull
In any direction you want
You use me like a tool
All my pleading's been for naught
Why do I feel my heart breaking?
No one the pieces are taking
I can't find my place
I'm losing this race
Can't you see this smile that I'm faking?
I've finally fallen to my knees
Beaten down and I can't take anymore
Deaf to your ears come my pitiful pleas
You've pushed until you've pierced my very core
Bruised and broken you've tossed me aside
An empty shell, so tired so hollow
No strength of will though I have tried
A voice screams "escape!" but another begs to follow
Why do I feel my heart breaking?
No one the pieces are taking
I can't find my place
I'm losing this race
Can't you see this smile that I'm faking?
You've taken everything from me
Today
07:56 Oct 05 2007
Times Read: 676
Today, as with everyday
My mind formed your handsome face
Foolish sick heart could not keep love at bay
Nothing your image could replace
I could not help thinking of you
Wishing you weren't so far away
I'm familiar with this pain, its not new
But I still want to see you today
I have gone through times of doubt and distrust
Have cried myself to sleep
fearing your love was only a lust
Dreading a wound that would cut deep
I don't know how it could be
That I still find you in my dreams
That it's you my heart longs to see
It's all hopeless, or so it seems
Today, as with everyday
I thought of you and your smile
Wishing you weren't so far away
If only you could stay, just for a little while
Which is worse?
07:54 Oct 05 2007
Times Read: 676
Your words cut me deep
It happened
Without your knowing
Maybe that made it worse
How can I tell you what
Pain I felt when I
Didn't want to hurt you?
Maybe that makes it worse
Such power over me
One minute it kills
The next it revives
Maybe it's always worse
But I still love you
And that makes it better
During those times you're here
An endless cycle
Of pain and joy
Which is worse?
07:52 Oct 05 2007
Times Read: 677
My head aches from the screams
that reverberate in my head
I'm exhausted by all these dreams
where I'm chased then left for dead
The sheets strangle and choke me
upon waking I gasp for breath
I'm icy cold, sweating profusely
The fear's wild, nothing's left
Eyes close and there you are
ever present and waiting
From you I never get that far
I dread the day of no awakening
Beating heart tires from the strain
to tell myself that's not really you
Who kills me nightly with such pain
Every morning I must relearn the truth
My head aches from my screams
that follow me into waking hour
I'm haunted in these dreams
By a love turned dark and sour
There is no single place
where I could better fare
I love and dread your face
In empty life and full nightmare
*RIP Jason ... you died fighting & stubborn but you still haunt me.
07:51 Oct 05 2007
Times Read: 678
07:44 Oct 05 2007
Times Read: 680
I told myself sternly
On the day I was betrayed
Never again to impress a man
And in a dark corner my heart be laid
But now I'm put to the test
As I spend my time with you
I've come to think of you so much
I'm praying the love I feel is true
Suddenly I find myself
Willing to do things for you
Nothing crude or degrading
But honest things, I would do
I worry that my love will show
And change how I act
Or maybe you won't see it it at all
Which would be the worstest fact
I told myself sternly
On the day I was rejected
To never again burden a man
With my feelings and in return expect it
But now I've fallen for you
And I'm trying so hard to hold it back
Because I don't want you to turn away
Emptiness: something I don't lack
I want to tell you all of this
But what if you think its not true
Sometimes I wonder how it would be to kiss
But if I told you, then what would you do
I groan and sigh and hate myself
Because I feel stupid, pathetic, and sad
And now you probably think I am
Yet I still wish that you I had
I told myself sternly
On that day my heart broke
To not love a man so far away
To keep my voice steady whenever I spoke
But now I see how weak I am
And I almost hope you wouldn't love me
So that I'd never burden you with my heart
For I'd be willing to suffer quietly
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