The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

In the abyssal depths lie a false solitude that many do not even realize. At one point I myself believed that in the abyss it would only be me and no one else. During one journey therein I found out that there were a tremendous amount of other beings. This only brought to me more disappointment til I realized the full potential of this revelation. I soon learnt that if I did not travel far I could be left alone with my pains. However, if I travelled down to its bottom depths I could challenge myself in battles and trials. Tis an excellent enhancer of skills and knowledge. I went unprepared for the consequences if I lost a single time. At one point I also learned this failure and in such I had to strike a deal. In doing so I only prolonged my torture to come and unwittingly added more to myself. My acuteness to the mortal world caused an uncontrollable need of the abyss. I found myself drawn inward and could not control my travels therein. Over time I would come to be one with the abyss and at this point I shall never leave it til the time came for me to pay. The slightly curious are almost dying to know what payment is to be. I can only say this to those few, your souls will continue to return to vessels whereas it will be centuries before mine will ever return. I have paved a path of immense suffering and torture, the likes as none have ever seen or imagined. Never have I felt fear nor do I fear payment. My death will only help me to pertain more knowledge and to me the pain is worth the knowledge. I am one of the truest of scholars and everything is worth gaining the wisdom. If knowledge is power then I shall be the most powerful of all.

Not many await death yet I seem to not care. To die would be a grand adventure. To learn those workings wil be very useful. I dread mortality. It has became my torture til payment. The more strength and power I weild, the more I am to walk with mortals. My times within the abyss begin to cease everytime. Perhaps because I am undefeatable therein. Well at least at the moment I am. When I am taking new trials I can hear another training as well. I suppose he shall be my greatest opponent yet. My only want is that he has been trained good enough to confront me. He isn't ready by far for I sense his fear as he hears my battles. He most likely believes I am male, for truly what woman wants this but I.

My newest trial that I must face is humanity. Tormented with emotions seem unbearable to me.To learn life feeling love is the worst. Never before have I had such a weakness, nor did I ever want such. I married for a short while and from it I gave birth to a son that beheld extreme power. Mother's instinct makes me want to protect him, whereas the mage aspect says to let him be so that he can learn to harness his gifts. Finding a balance tis still somewhat difficult yet tis only my thoughts that cause such this struggle. This son of mine isn't the weakness that love brought me for he only made me stronger. No love brought a man into my life that I would die to protect. Never did I imagine that I would feel such a way towards another person that was not myself nor my son. At least I ave failed a trial in humanity. I was never meant to feel this way. Now I know that only worse torments lie ahead.

Only a fool would take on such burdens I know. I have told too many that before and now I have became that fool. More weaker I become trying to fight his battles along with mine. Worse part is that he does not know of all that I do for him. I find myself trying to make him stronger and I slowly forget about my battle ahead. At night I can still hear that male training and his confidence growing stronger by every passing minute. He no longer hears my training and I believe that I am now too weak to face him. Doubt shadows over me and it makes me irritably mad. How could I, the strongest, all of a sudden see myself as weak. I must find a way to continue my training but if I do then I canot guard and protect the man I love. Dam human emotions, dam humanity. I never knew this type of torment, perhaps this is what I was meant to learn. If I make him stronger then I wouldn't have to worry so much. Then, only then, can I pick up my training again.

The worst thing I can do at this point is to enclose myself in a cage. To feel a primortal rage without cause would not be wise at this point. I need him strong, this love of mine. He has to be prepared for what lies ahead. I try not to see him below me but rather just respect him for trying to become my equal. His power is tremendous yet untapped. How am I to awaken him to full potential without interfering with his natural course? I ponder upon this daily and yet no answers do I have. I need to figure this out and fast. The longer this goes on the more antsy I become. I yearn and I ache for the abyss. So long has it been that my pains become physical. A part of me just wants to be stone hearted once again. I need to return to the abyss for it is truly home. I wonder if I can go every now and then yet still be able to protect him. I must try, my life depends on it.

Lost in my dreams one lonesome night brought a revelation to me.



© 2007 Miranda Johnson aka Catalunah