The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

A hirsute young maiden named Doris

Had a practical lover named Morris,

Who would sigh,"Oh, I swear

I could kiss you right there,

But I can't see the trees for the forres'."

A high-scoring bowler named Corey,

Who was asked by the Press for his story,

Said,"I'll give you a tip;

It's all in the grip,

Which I owe to my fiance, Laurie."

A lively young woman on a tryst

Lost a falsie while doing the Twist.

Though she struggled to hide it

Her bust was lopsided

And gave her a sharplarboard list.

The gnu's a bit shaggy, it's true,

But well known and quite popular, too.

In France he's adored,

But Italians are bored

And frequently ask,"What's gnu?"

An old Brittish couple named Jones

Who wearied of kippers and scones,

Turned to dishes exotic,

Smoked a Chinese narcotic,

And explored theirerogenous zones.

A gypsy boy stealing some shawls

Was kicked by a cop in Sioux Falls.

This action was rash

And produced a loud crash,

For most gypsies have crystal balls.

Two misers named Jock and MacTavish

Tossed bachanals, bawdy and lavish.

This strange contradiction

Is palpable fiction,

For they'd only each other to ravish.

A cannibal once in a dream

Conceived of a dish quite supreme.

And to his delight

He was served it one night:

Fresh Bwanas in heavy sour cream.

An impetuous duellist named Schacht

Wouldn't stand for his skill being mocked.

When taunted one day

He entered the fray

And regretfully went off half-cocked.

An old spinster whom ife had made mellow

Bought a piece of a high-class bordello.

"I am not," she'd impart,

"An incipient tart.

I'm just trying to meet the right fello."