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My daughter and I had just finished a salad at a Neiman-Marcus Cafe in

Dallas, and we decided to have a small dessert. Because both of us are such

cookie lovers, we decided to try the "Neiman-Marcus Cookie". It was so

excellent that I asked if they would give me the recipe. The waitress said

with a small frown, "I'm afraid not, but you can buy the recipe."

I asked how much, and she responded, "Only two fifty-it's a great deal!"

I agreed to that, and told her to just add it to my tab.





Thirty days later, I received my VISA statement, and the Neiman-Marcus

charge was $285.00! I looked again, and I remembered I had only spent

$9.95 for two salads and about $20.00 for a scarf. As I glanced at the

bottom of the statement, it said, "Cookie Recipe-$250.00". That was

outrageous! I called Neiman's Accounting Department and told them the

waitress said it was "two fifty", which clearly does not mean "two hundred

and fifty dollars" by any reasonable interpretation of the phrase.





Neiman-Marcus refused to budge. They would not refund my money because,

according to them, "What the waitress told you is not our problem. You have

already seen the recipe. We absolutely will not refund your money at this

point." I explained to the Accounting Department lady the criminal statutes

which govern fraud in the state of

Texas. I threatened to report them to the

Better Business Bureau and the Texas Attorney General's office for engaging

in fraud. I was basically told, "Do what you want. Don't bother thinking of

how you can get even, and don't bother trying to get any of your money

back." I just said, "Okay, you folks got my $250, and now I'm going to have

$250 worth of fun." I told her that I was going to see to it that every

cookie lover in the United States with an e-mail account has a $250 cookie

recipe from Neiman-Marcus...for free. She replied, "I wish you

wouldn't do this."



I said, "Well, perhaps you should have thought of that before you

ripped me off!" and

slammed down the phone. So here it is! Please, please, please

pass it

on to everyone you can possibly think of. I paid $250 for

this, and I don't want Neiman-Marcus to EVER make another penny off of this

recipe!



NEIMAN-MARCUS COOKIES (Recipe may be halved)

2 cups butter

24 oz. chocolate chips

4 cups flour

2 cups brown sugar

2 tsp. soda

1 tsp. salt

2 cups sugar

1 8-oz. Hershey Bar (grated)

5 cups blended oatmeal

4 eggs

2 tsp. baking powder

2 tsp. vanilla

3 cups chopped nuts (your choice)

Measure oatmeal, and blend in a blender to a fine powder. Cream the butter

and both sugars. Add eggs and vanilla, mix together with flour, oatmeal,

salt, baking powder, and soda. Add chocolate chips, Hershey Bar, and nuts.

Roll into balls, and place two inches apart on a cookie sheet. Bake for 10

minutes at 375 degrees. Makes 112 cookies.

We were all dressed and ready to go out for a New Years Eve Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our parakeet, and put the cat in the backyard. We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. As the taxi arrived and we opened the door to leave the house. The cat we just put out back, scoots into the house. We couldn't leave the cat in the house, because she tries to eat the bird.



So my wife goes out to the taxi, while I go inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the cab driver to know the house will be empty all night. So she explains to the driver that I will be out soon, "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."





A few minutes later, her husband gets into the cab and says. "Sorry I took so long," "That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her with a broom handle to get her to come out! Then she tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. I even had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked!

I hauled her fat butt downstairs and threw her ass out into the back yard!"



The cab driver hit a parked car...