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i had this dream about 2 days ago, so i don't remember a whole lot. some friends i know and a weird guy i didn't were in a frickin metal band that was really friggin wicked as hell. two of my friends were the lead and bass guitarists. the freakky dude was the lead singer and i don't know who was the drummer. but the bassist and i have dated previously. and in the dream we started making out like mad. and i mean lose ur breath mad. we fell over stil making out and that was when i woke up. i have never had a dream like that so it was a little weird. in fact i only just started dreaming again about a week ago. i hate to say it but i don't like dreaming, b-cuz i always see a friens dying some howin various different ways.

okay for some reason that is unknown to me, no one seems to want to talk to me. i must have done something. and for some reason i feel like i just hurt someone. or lik i just had my heart torn out. why do i feel like this al of the sudden?

heh heh, actually yea evrything is fucked up right now. i have had to drop out of high school, i will be moving away from my friends, i almost cost my mother a job. and it seems that love is about the last thing i will ever be able to find. as far as my life goes i fel like a fucking loser who shouldn't even be aloud to walk the earth. seems that no matter what i do i end up dissapointing the people who want me to do well in life. before we know it, i will be smoking dope and stealing while trying to maintain a pathetic not-even-worth-it job at burger king. won't my family be proud...free whopper wednasday. as for love, iswear if anyone tells me to grow up on that subject there WILL be a BLOODY massacre. sorry but i will not date a guy who is fucking my stepsister. nor will i date a guy who wants to marry both of us. FUCK THAT! It would seem that the best i will get if I am lucky will be a 1 night stand. here is the facts for those of you who think i am "Beautiful/Pretty/Sexy". I'm not okay. I'm a 17 year old, 211 pound, bratty little bipolor, who has no real future, and granted yea maybe i have a cute face but the reast of me isn't worth it unless ur desperate. i have demons that i will never likely get over no matter how well i hide them. and in all honesty, i haven't loved a single person in 2 years. and i don't think i ever will. my price for love is too high, especially for a girl who is barely 18. if my friend is reading this i am sorry but i am telling him the straight facts. i am fucked up beyond repair and he doesn't need or deserve to be betrayed like that. and i don't want to ruin another person's life. in truth once i turn eighteen, it's more than likely i will sever contact with everyone so i don't come to their doorstep begging to be housed. i just want to get out of every ones hair and let them move on. so final warning: DON'T GET ATTACHED TO ME. UR ASKING FOR HELL IN HUMAN FORM.