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I really honestly dont know what actually is possessing me to write this is in my journal..

I really just planned to reserve my journal

for poetry, funny and sad animal stories and an occasional erotic story....but something is compelling me to write this little piece of info about me... so here I am....



I have been married for 18 years....I have 2 handsomes sons and three great stepsons...



My 18 year marriage was a pretty up and down one...mostly down....meaning me feeling down.



See my hubby was pretty emotionally abusive.



And now after 18 years I am finally getting the divorce I so desperatley wanted years ago...



And now that freedom for me is just around the corner I am actually scared about it....

Its been so long that I have been on my own

or done anything on my own...



Part of me says....You are not gonna make it

but then I tell myself OH YES YOU CAN...



I still have a problem believing when people say good things about me...cause of all the negative things I had been told for so many years...



Something I need to learn to get over...





When I had heard that my divorce was going to be final within the next 2 weeks I actually damn near started laughing....it was such a sense of relief...I know that when I actually sign the papers I am going to go out and party....





Or maybe I wont ...maybe I will just sit home and try to soak in the reality of it all.



Either way I know when that time comes

I will be on my way to a whole new life of happiness....and hopefully I will find what I am looking for....