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im not ok and have not been so for some time. tis such pains that wound everything that hungs within me. i want to be anywhere but here but i cannot run from anything that stands infrount of me, i cannot, will not! i am destined to be alone. the pain of having nothing to hold me together as each piece of me crumbles and falls, i find everything within me will fall into sand and the waves will crash over me, i stink and gasp and drown and no hands are free to pull me up. i need to have these bloody tears kissed from my cheeks. there is none thier. i remember lives before this when i had found that one i was made to be loved by. he held me so close, his heart became mine, his breathe waqs the oxygen that i had craved for so long. there was naught that could keep him from holding me together. i had been happy. never again shall that smile creep into my eyes, the flame is dying and i will became like all those around me. i will lose that magick... and it kills me to think of such things! knowing that there is no way but this, knowing i have to survive this torment. what will i be when this tempest ends? i let the blood drip from me to know i can still feel. i am becoming so dead that i walk without knowning where my feet land, and i know the ground beneeth me is that of hadies shores. does the boat man call my name? or am i going mad? and i still crave freedom.

i awoke, not remembering where it twas my heavy head lay its thoughts. my dreams had held me in such a web, so strong, they had taken from me. taken memories that my soul had even layd to rest. before me stood the cloak of darkness, her stars layed dully across the heavens. this was a moment htat would saty framed in time for all enternity, for all my eternity. memories of times i had forgotton came flooding into my pouding crainum. i was afraid, afraid of a wisper! a fire within me raged and cause me to banish the fears i had once held so apinfully in my crumbling hand. i relised, who i had been... and at last i found some deep satification at the blood i had so effortlessly spilled. the stones would be stained until end of all times! i could find salvation in that. i could find wisdom in that.

these words are my first and i lay them here to begin a new mark.....