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Screens, and screams. I am lucky yet I can feel this pressure and anxiety. Sick fantasies of crying over death to prepare myself? Maybe to live it in the mind to numb it when I am destined to live it. Why is my true treasure so far far away in the desert? Is it a mirage are they truly so perfect to ones mind and heart?
What about that perfect love that died before it began now I think it will haunt me forever. I am that ghost not by choice but by spiritual pull. Maybe rules hinder all of us, and create misery? Sometimes I feel rules help create destiny because if I broke that rule I would have never found my treasure in the desert. The one that got away is too generic to name them and they were never mine. Maybe the dodger they haven't dodged me but they find ways to escape heavy topics. Is the dodger haunting me or am I haunting them? It's not really important it just escapes the vents time to time. I always wonder if there is someone else who gets this. I have never felt stuck on someone I never really was with. Yet I am in love with my desert diamond and I really hope it is beyond my thoughts in a good way.
How can I really complain I found a diamond worth more than any other. I have been haunted before I can sacrifice never knowing never resurrecting a dead nonexistent love. If we have more than one life perhaps I will find them in another. Right now I just want to pretend I fit in save money like a good human should eventually blow it all and sail away somewhere that fits me better than this dreary town. Winter is coming I need to keep my head up before cabin fever drifts in. I will tell myself I am far away on a hot beach with the salty sea wind blowing on me.