The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

00:01 Jan 11 2005
Times Read: 595

I understand your apprehension. This is a matter beyond understanding.

Let me in.

the scars cannot mask the wounds for long.

This tradition of omission



Glitter and curls.

The echo drones on in the hollow recess of consciousness



I remember your face...

flecked with sparkles



Where have you gone, or was it me?



Did I leave you here... did you need me? Am I the one to blame?

I take the blame in any case. There is no other way





The fire cannot hide the ridicule inside.



And where is the quiet?

Where is the still?

Peace is not tranquil here.



I don’t hold myself above you. I have no claim of simple superiority.

You cannot perceive the pain I do not bleed.



And in this way, he hurts me again.

This is a bitter taste on my tongue... he left it here.



“Christy” what kind of name is that for a man? There is nothing of Christ in you. Nothing of Man in you.



I had Six years, No defenses...

Just a child.



So bitter.



A life time has passed, but it is still so bitter, this taste… his taste.



My wound still bleeds...

And he is still free.





Please... give me release.

23:49 Jan 10 2005
Times Read: 597

cluttered

...lose my mind...?

a question...

how fitting that i would ask you

bid you....



i need to....



...identify...



with you, and yours, and mine....

a loss of a keepsake, identity is foreplay

i can't see yours.... but who am i to judge?

and who am i?



alone in my cell

alone, waiting...

for release, take me please?



i’m awake in my coma, i perceive my surroundings.

i see peace here... chaotic... frightened... poor little thing...



you see, peace is fragile... hollow



conflict, now that has merit...



are you testing my patience..?

it will get you nowhere



now what do you want? say it?



an ending? to whose story...?



i ask you all i ever ask you



no response, no repose...



you don't hear me.... you can't see me



my opulence is your ignorance.... my little cry for help



empty my cage, this litter disturbs me...



i know you can't hear this...... but i am trying so hard...



i wish i could smell you, i wish i could taste you... i wish i could know you.......



you are on the outside looking in on my travesty.... my belittled longing with no form of willing supplement....





i wonder how you would handle it

(enter my cage)



you wouldn't you know.... well, at least i do

(bind my chains)



you lie, too much at times.... to us.... you and i





but you aren't here

you don't exist



a name, a face, a feeling, a smell and a memory....



no remedy for this, not until i know you, feel you.



feel me?





please me?





please me.





inevitably you need to know this, i wish i could tell you

i think about it every night, my pain i mean



no, not you.... you aren't that lucky. or are you?



who is lying now? and to whom, i wish i knew....



so so sweet is this feeling, this revelry... this decadence...



my pure naughty thoughts... killing me on this inside of mine, yet setting me free all the same





i am still waiting... why don't you see me... why won't you see me?



so i wait, and i wonder.... does my existence comfort you? no..... i don't think it does....

i am so so frightened of what may come tomorrow... so i wait



and wait



and,



wait....





still nothing... have you forgotten me?



no.... you never even noticed me



so i run, far far away... still not sure of what is real....

blood drips to the floor a drop at a time...



is it yours?











no, it's mine...













but i'm okay, not that you'd notice....









































































































...this is your notice...

23:45 Jan 10 2005
Times Read: 598

As I look into your eyes my dear

I see the kind of pain and fear

I've run from my whole life…



I wonder why you look at me

The feelings that I choose to see

Remind me this is fantasy….



Lay there pretty, dreaming, sleeping

Unaware of my deceiving

Quietly I've come to see you

hiding in your life



I stand here in the shadow

Reaching for you

Calling to you

Waiting for you… In my silence… (In my silence… In my silence)







I long for you

Yet you don't hear me…



I've come for you

Yet you don't see me





You don't need me…







I'm close enough to hear you breathing

I smell you and I know this feeling

Embracing my restraint



A moments touch and then your gone

A bitter taste upon my tongue

Acknowledge that I ache



Among your litter, I see you

Singular and shining through

Still I'm only a fool to you

A tool to use and then abuse







I know I can't escape from you

You won't let me escape to you…







I can't let my escape be you













I'm alone inside















all Empty and fuzzy...







































From the hole...

23:41 Jan 10 2005
Times Read: 599

Bleeding drug of peppermint sliding in my mind



Forgive my patternesque response… My torture, my decline…



Staple my soul to afterthought, Relinquish my repose



Burn away my ashen Christ, Of him I do dispose



Rain my tears of acid and distribute them as wine



Fuck me once, I'll do you well, promise to decline?



Scream your need against my will, I'll savor your lament



Bursting tears of shattered dreams, just how will I repent?



Sit back and ponder thoughts, find what the damage means



Pain it lacks, just remorse, as you sit there on your knees



i look into your eyes, i know your thought before it's felt



Rejoicing in this innocence, blood tasted, never dealt

23:37 Jan 10 2005
Times Read: 600

Drowning.



This sea of chaos… beckoning for me to slip into it’s cold abyss.



A call of help would be futile, there is no one left to turn to.



The cry echoes, through the canyons of the mind...



I am vacant, abandoned...



isolated from the mass, the flock, the herd.



Incontrovertibly, this feeling is worse than death.



Prove to me this is not a dream.



Unconscious, yet, awake.



All that remains, my indifference, and my lack of faith.



Distance, an illusion in this prism subsistence.



My existence is prison, please set me free.



Careless eyes hide countless lies.



If this is ego, what of the id?

23:36 Jan 10 2005
Times Read: 601

a dream spoke to me in shattered echoes

i know you see what i wanted to

see my blood lying in the sand...

what should i feel when i think of you?



the pattern of your face burned into my mind

it's not so easy to forget you, reject you....

i'm not sure where i want to be...

or where i'll find my hidden truth



i feel your insides surrounding me...

in my hands and in my mind...

think of your perversion first

now I'll allow you to decline



my desideratum: ecstasy

in your flesh, not inside of me

you prostituted enamory...

an insincere debauchery



pounding on my cage....

your scent's become the walls

your fragrance so passe

asphyxiates my cause



become my martyr lovely one

forsake yourself for me

and tell me what's your name again?

Cassandra, Anastasia, Parsimony?

23:35 Jan 10 2005
Times Read: 602

Please god forgive me for what has been done

I killed my familiar, now polish the gun

Open my eyes and give me my right

Forgiveness forgotten, a lesson in spite



Lost your liaison? So bright, self-apparent.

Your wisdom is spoken, often lack in commandment

Defiance within me, a laughable plight

My sorrowful plea, a lack in hindsight.



So I leave here the pauper to sort through my dues

Like a flight to an angel I seek out my muse

"Decadent clown-thing," so selfish I brand it

A service from her, exhortation, demanded



Sought to solidify our relation, the burden

Lies are a promise, that much is certain

Betrayed and rebuked I carry my sentence

Punished my heart, my mind… it seeks penance



I reach forth unaware of whom plays the servant.

The puppet? She knows, behind her pure curtain.

Laughing and chiding, the "paint", it's her curse

I envy her hiding, I tug deeper… it hurts



Shallow revelation. you're Eve to my Adam

Tempting seductress, a harlot in harem

Loss of my choices, a stem from the womb

I need stringent closure, a succubi's boon



I curl in this darkness, warmth left to desire

Emotions they tantrum, and drown in their mire

Seeking forever my dilemma be solved

My awareness has shattered, awakened... evolved.

23:34 Jan 10 2005
Times Read: 603




Exchange a memory for a silence of the mind

Lust is a vixen, twisting desire.

I remember what you said, when you bled me dry

I know you all too well...



Suffer serenity, vocal indemnity

Pleas answer my prayer

Lead them to slaughter.

I’ll surrender a plague remembered.



Societies coffin is realized within the lies

of the progenitor of policy in our shell of insecurity.



Our freedom is a costly endeavor.

If only I could be free of her.



I drink her poison from my wound

It blankets my mind in the static of derision

This costly decision reasons tormented eternity.

Why is the payment: you doing this to me.



Twist the knife slowly, there is no surplus of my pain



I await release.

And I hope for a new day.

In my vacuum,

Where she cannot reach me.

23:31 Jan 10 2005
Times Read: 606

Hello infrequent frequency I wonder what you’ll do to me.







Institute availability…







Now tell me: is there anybody out there?











Enter the betrayal:











Wonder ceases to amaze me as I search for answers…







Closed emotions… detached from this reality…







So you wait in your little bubble of nothing, free to see what you wish.







I see through you. I know you’ll never realize I wish for your freedom from your lies.







Your freedom from this, freedom from your disease.







To accept this “problem you do not have” would be disaster.







There is contradiction in your day to day utilization of your life… has your lease expired?







I have no answer to your vision; your life’s lie is my derision.















And yet I wonder,







yet I wonder,







why should I even care…











Why do you choose to pull the strings on my reality? Your ties died and yet you wonder why I stay?







I bide my time and rationalize by reliving the trials of my life.







Now, what’s in a release? Relive your fantasy… harbor your illusions, revisit your intention…







I’d martyr my conviction, but that doesn’t matter to you.







The contagion you carry will spread from head to head; bed to bed…







And by the hearts of many, you all chose to bleed me dry.







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and why did I let you do this to me?







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