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When times change...00:54 Mar 07 2006
Times Read: 617
This is my life for the most part... This doesn’t include everyone that has effected my life… I have just used these people to get a point across… This is one way that things could have happened in my life, but most of what is written her is the truth... It is what happened…
No, I am not in college... I am senior in high school, but I do take Spanish at the college level... Take this the way that you will... That is how your mind works... One person this concerns has already read this and okayed that I put this here... The other, you know who you are... Now you will see what has changed and why I have been a little uncomfortable around you... I didn't know how to tell you this, so I wrote this story...
The end of this story has changed at least seven times... Each based upon how I was feeling at the time... Actually, this whole story is based on feeling... Some things are based on how they have been, some on how I want them to be, and some on how I don't want things to be...
For those of you who are not directly related to this story, I hope that you enjoy it... For those involved, I hope you understand all the references that I use and the meanings they hold...
A note for everyone... I chose these names for specific reasons... Most won't know what they mean... You can ask if you really want to know, but I can't say that you will understand my reasoning...
When Times Change
Quote: When times change, you must learn to change with those times or be left behind in the dust. This can be a hard lesson to learn for some, and an even more difficult lesson for others.
Kat slammed her dorm room door shut. Things had changed since she entered college. She had changed; her friends had changed; her old relationships had changed. She sighed as she sat in the chair in front of her desk. Her laptop’s blank screen appeared to be taunting her to check her mail and find even more bad news. Kat sighed again, turning her laptop on so that she could get the inevitable over with.
If you had asked her that morning what she thought the day held for her, she probably would have told you, “I don’t know. Everyday holds something new and exciting. You never know what will happen until it happens.”
Now that the day was over, she was no longer optimistic.
Her laptop gave its normal ‘welcome’, threatening to make Kat’s wonderful mood even worse. Scowling at the picture that she had placed as a background for her laptop, Kat opened a blank Word document, ready to write about her oh-so-special day. After staring at her laptop for a few more seconds, she placed her fingers on the keys and typed.
Now, Kat wasn’t really a fast typist, especially when her emotions were raging and she had to chase her thoughts around before the information could flow from her brain to her fingers. Today, even though her mind raced, her finger, amazingly, were able to keep up.
Since she began college, Kat vowed to write down how her day had gone at least once a week. So far she was managing to do at least two a week. Normally her entries were short and to the point, but on afternoons like this, her entries were usually erratic and lengthy. And the latter was to be expected today.
Kat glanced up at the clock some time later and realized that it was half past four in the morning. She looked back at her laptop and noticed that she had typed twenty-one pages for the day. Mentally rolling her eyes, Kat stood up and stretched. She was glad that she had decided to pay for a suite with private rooms. That way she wouldn’t disturb her roommates with her late nights.
Kat opened her door and headed for the bathroom. When she passed the kitchen, she noticed that the coffee pot’s light was still on. Kat smiled. One of her roommates must have known that she had had a rough day and had brewed her some coffee.
After relieving herself, Kat pulled a mug out of the cupboard and filled it with coffee. The heat warmed the cup and then soaked into her cool hands. Inhaling deeply, Kat walked into the living area and sat on the couch. She took a sip of her coffee before leaning back and closing her eyes.
“Bad day, huh?”
Kat’s lips lifted into a smile.
“Yep.” Kat heard the other sit on the couch opposite of the one that she occupied.
“Want to talk about it?”
Kat opened her eyes and examined the girl across from her. Even though the lights were off and the moon was waning, Kat knew exactly who the girl was. It was Maria.
Maria was tall with chin length, light-brown hair and deep brown eyes. She played basketball, soccer, and was on the track team. She was also a very good student. She wasn’t full of herself like most athletes appeared to be. Maybe this was just because Kat knew her outside of sports and outside of class, but Kat didn’t think that that was why she saw Maria that way. It was because Maria was a generally nice person. She was nice to everyone. Even as a senior, Maria was willing to help anyone older or younger than herself. Kat admired that in Maria.
Kat had often compared herself to Maria and saw all the short-comings that she had in comparison. She had a short temper, didn’t get involved in anything outside of her classes, and she saw nothing worth desiring in herself.
Where Maria was perfect, Kat was not.
Kat came out of her thoughts to notice that Maria was still waiting for an answer, though she wasn’t going to force her to answer. Knowing this, Kat took some more time to analyze Maria and everything that had happened.
Her long legs were tucked under her as she stared intently back at Kat. She was wearing her pajamas and appeared to not have been asleep because her hair didn’t have that tousled look to it that one has when they first wake up. Her hair was in her eyes the way that it always seemed to fall when she was studying, be that studying of something or someone. She was leaning against the arm of the couch, her head propped up on her hand.
In Kat’s opinion, not that she thought it mattered much, Maria was beautiful. She had plenty of boys drooling over her, but she hadn’t dated any of them. When Kat had asked her why she hadn’t gone out with any of them, Maria had said that she was waiting for the right man.
Now, Kat was bisexual, but she never made a pass at Maria, because of what Maria had told her. She was waiting for the right man and men were guys, not girls.
Kat had first found that she was bisexual in her freshman year of high school when a girl, Morgan, had asked her out. Before Morgan, Kat had had her crushes on men, but they had never amounted to anything. She had never given women a thought until then.
Morgan had been Kat’s friend for about a year and a half at the time. Morgan had taken Kat into her confidence the year before and admitted that she was bisexual. Kat had taken it in stride and said that she would keep her secret. It was later, after Morgan had admitted it to their friends, that Kat broke her promise.
Her mother, who, in her opinion, was rather nosy, had weaseled the information out of her. It wasn’t that she was ashamed of Morgan’s sexuality; it was just that she and her family were rather religious and her mother deeply disapproved of this. Kat didn’t want to give her mother any reason to dislike her friends. That is why it had bothered her.
When Morgan had asked her out, Kat had gone with it. It wasn’t so much that Kat was attracted to her, in fact, Kat had rather disliked Morgan at first, it was just that she had never been with anyone before, no matter what she said.
Morgan wasn’t exactly undesirable, it was just that she was short, didn’t open up to people much and she wore ‘dark’, and what some people called ‘gothic’, clothing.
As their high school years had passed, Morgan had changed her appearance. She gauged her ears, cut her beyond shoulder-length hair into a boy’s cut, and she dyed her hair many times. These colors ranged from black to purple to hot pink. Kat had watched this happen and hadn’t tried to suppress the changes. Morgan was who she was, no matter what Kat did. They had their arguments like all other couples, but their relationship remained hidden. No one knew that Kat’s sexuality was anything but straight and that was how Kat wanted it.
They had been “going out” for three years when she started to question what she actually felt for Morgan, and Kat started to pull away from Morgan. A year later, they were still together and another girl had admitted her feelings for her. Her name was Autumn.
Autumn was the only one that actually found out about Kat’s relationship with Morgan. Kat thought that she had spelled it out to the world on one of her websites and thought that she had dropped enough hints in school. Apparently Autumn was the only one that had picked up on the hints.
Autumn was completely different from Morgan.
The big thing was that Morgan, though in the same grade as Kat, was a year older than her. Autumn was two years younger than Kat.
The first time that Kat had met Autumn, Autumn was blonde. Kat later found out that this was not her actual hair color. She was actually a brunette. Unlike Morgan, Autumn was relatively the same height as Kat. Autumn was very feminine. She was self-conscious and rather clumsy, though through her shyness, Kat had managed to wrestle the fact out that Autumn liked her.
Kat was rather overwhelmed by the fact that two people liked her. She often questioned why, but only got a straight answer out of Autumn. Their relationship also remained hidden, though Autumn dared Kat to reveal their relationship by her graduation party.
Kat had promised that she would try since Autumn didn’t like keeping secrets.
There was only one problem: Kat had started dating Autumn without telling Morgan. Autumn was afraid that when Morgan found out, they would lose her friendship. This didn’t occur to Kat, so she asked Morgan rather abstract questions about their relationship so that she wouldn’t suspect anything. And for a time, she didn’t.
Everything carried on rather well until Kat graduated. The day before her graduation party, Kat told Morgan about her relationship with Autumn. Morgan took it well and said that as long as she was happy it was fine. Kat told her that she still cared for her and Morgan accepted that. Morgan still went off into the army, like she had planned and her. Kat went off to college. This was when Kat broke her promise to Autumn. She didn’t tell their parents and though Autumn didn’t say anything, Kat figured that this had hurt her deeply.
Kat and Autumn kept in touch for the next two years through e-mails, letters, and phone calls. They hadn’t seen much of each other since Kat had decided to take WinTerm and summer courses. The last time that they had seen each other was on Kat’s nineteenth birthday and that was almost a year ago and they hadn’t had any time alone. That was why it had come as a surprise, at least to Autumn, when Kat had asked her to spend the weekend in the dorms with her.
Kat snorted here. She knew that she had been neglecting Autumn and that they needed to get together and talk. She would have invited Morgan as well, but Kat hadn’t heard from her since she went into the army
It had all been planned out perfectly. Autumn was to arrive at noon that day, after Kat’s last class and they had a full afternoon planned. That had been planned for today. Unfortunately, you cannot plan for the unexpected.
Autumn had called, saying she had gotten a late start that morning and wouldn’t be there until two. Kat said that she was fine with this and had planted herself on a bench on the campus grounds to wait. She didn’t mind. It was a nice day and she could use the fresh air.
She had been sitting there for some amount of time when she felt arms wrap around her shoulders from behind. Smiling, she leaned back into the embrace and closed her eyes, reaching behind her to run her hands through the hair of the woman that she cared deeply for.
Kat inhaled sharply, her eyes snapping open as she jerked to her feet when she felt short spiky hair beneath her fingers. This was unexpected. The person that stood before her was not Autumn.
He had short, spiky brown hair and stood to a height of what appeared to be five foot nine. He wore black combat boots, loose blue jeans, and a black leather jacket. Completing the outfit was a pair of dark sunglasses.
He was hot. Kat had to admit that, but she could only stare. She knew this man, though she had never met him in person because she didn’t think that he existed. Morgan had talked about him all the time, but Kat was sure that he didn’t, or actually wouldn’t ever exist.
“Daron.” The man’s lips curved into a smile as Kat said his name. “No. It’s not… You can’t… What about…?” Kat couldn’t form a coherent sentence.
It was then that Kat saw two figures running towards them. She recognized them both, though one she hadn’t seen in years and the other she had only seen pictures of: Laura and Natasha.
“There you are. Were you trying to get away?” Laura giggled, latching onto his arm and playfully punching him in the shoulder.
“Of course he was. He was trying to get away with hitting on other girls,” Natasha laughed, poking him before he wrapped his free arm around her shoulders.
It was then that they seemed to notice her.
“Who’s this?” Natasha seemed to sneer.
Daron smiled down at her and kissed her. “Don’t worry. She’s just an old friend.” At those words Kat’s heart was crushed. Friend? Friend?! “Right?” He had directed this question at Kat.
She nodded dumbly in response, then turned and started to walk away, barely hearing his protests for her to wait. She was almost halfway across the lawn before he caught up to her, grabbing her arm and pulling her to a stop.
“Hey. Hey. What’s the matter? I thought that you would be happy to see me sooner than later. You know I wasn’t due back for another year, right?”
Kat turned and glared at him. “Who am I?”
He looked taken aback. “Kat, what’s the matter with you?”
Kat shook her head. “Look up the lyrics to ‘Lying from You’ and you will understand.”
He frowned. “Kat, it’s me. It’s –”
“I know who the fuck you are!” Kat snapped, jerking her arm out of his grasp, “like I wouldn’t know with those two hanging on you.” She tossed her head in the direction on Laura and Erica for emphasis. He opened his mouth to speak, but Kat cut him off again. “You know, I cared for you. I really did. You always talked about this, but I never thought that you would go through with it. It’s not that you don’t look good, because you do, but this is not the person that I cared for. If you were someone else, then maybe I could love you, but the way that you are now,” she shook her head sadly, “not as you are now.”
“Oh, and you are the one who was always saying that it didn’t matter what the other person looked like, huh?” Daron spat back. “You always said ‘do what makes you happy’. Well this makes me happy. I am finally accepted and I have found out who I am.”
“Ha. You’re one to talk about being a hypocrite, aren’t you? You never cared about being accepted, as long as you were yourself. You said that I cared too much about what people think about me. What about you? Now you have the looks, you have the women,” she snorted, “what do you need me for? Why did you come here to flaunt your good looks and the fact that you have your old girlfriends back? I really could care less. You are not the person that I came to care about six years ago. She is.”
Daron stared at Kat, or appeared to be staring at her, as he hadn’t removed his sunglasses. “Yeah, well –”
“Shut up, Morgan. I don’t know you anymore. You have Laura. You have Natasha. Where’s Alex? Where’s Chloe? Or haven’t you gone to get them yet? What about Becky? I thought that she would be next on your list. At least I thought that she would come before me. Or was I convenient because you happened to be in the area? I don’t need this right now. I cared for you. I thought that you knew that.” Kat felt tears streaming down her face. “I’m weak. I know it. Why did you bother with this? I’m not as strong as you are.”
“Well, since we are using Linkin Park songs, you should look up ‘In the End’. Oh, and don’t forget about ‘My Heartstrings Come Undone’ by Demon Hunter. Or did you forget about that song. I thought that you would be happy for me for being able to find myself. I –”
“Oh, yes. Yourself. How about ‘He had it Coming’ from Chicago?”
“Fuck off. I’m not finished yet –”
“Well I don’t give a damn. You go fuck whoever you please. You go be happy. You said you would be happy as long as I am happy. Well, I’d be very happy to see that you never come back into my life again.”
Kat spun around and ran towards her dorm, barely able to see through her tears. She knew the two songs that Daron was referring to. The first one was how they had gotten so far with her telling him about her other relationship. Also that he had trusted her and, supposedly, done everything that he could to make them work. It was all about trust. It was about how she tried to own him. The second was a song that ‘Morgan’ had given to Kat in their senior year saying that they would stay together no matter what.
Things change. I can’t believe that I thought that I would find what I was looking for in her, maybe in another life, but not this one, Kat thought as she ran. Kat was so unfocused that she accidentally bumped into someone and they fell to the ground.
“Oh, I’m so sorry are you alright, sir?” Kat asked as she helped the man up.
“It’s alright, miss. Are you alright?” He asked, seeing her tears.
Kat forced a smile upon her face. “I’ll be alright. I just got into an argument and it upset me.”
The man smiled. “Here. You should sit down for a minute,” he said, ushering her to a nearby bench. She nodded her thanks as she sat down. “Now, do you want to talk about what is bothering you?”
Kat shook her head. “I wouldn’t want to burden you with my problems, sir. They’re rather complicated and you wouldn’t want to hear about them.”
The man’s chuckling startled Kat. “I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want to know, miss.”
Kat smiled at this. “Enough of this ‘miss’ stuff; my name is Kat.”
He shook her outstretched hand. “Ah, so you’re Kat. I’ve heard a lot about you.” Kat frowned. “Oh, Autumn has told me a lot about you. I’m Brian.”
“How do you know Autumn,” Kat inquired.
“Oh. I thought that she would have told you about me. She’s my girlfriend.”
Kat just stared for a moment before speaking. “What has she told you about me?”
Mike smiled. “Oh, don’t worry. She didn’t say anything horrible. She told me that you two were best friends back in high school and it was on your advice that she met me, so I should be thanking you.”
Kat thought for a second. “Your father wouldn’t happen to be named Charles, would he?” Brian looked shocked and nodded. “And you weren’t named after your father’s best friend were you?”
Kat crossed her fingers hoping that she was wrong about this man. Her hope disappeared as Brian nodded again.
“Ah, well I should be going,” Kat said, placing a false happiness in her voice. “I have to –”
“Kat?!” Kat stopped in her tracks. She had been hoping to avoid this moment now that she had met Brian. “Kat, is that you?”
She turned, placing a fake smile on her lips. “Hello, Autumn. Long time, no see.” Kat vaguely noticed that Autumn had changed her hair color to red. It didn’t suit her in Kat’s opinion.
“Yeah. Brian and I rented a hotel room so that he could stay for a while and visit too,” Autumn said, enthusiastically.
Kat’s smile became even more strained. “Well you two go have a wonderful day. I just remembered that I have to go do something.” Kat pushed her way past Autumn.
“Kat? What’s wrong? Have you been crying?”
Ah, so you have become bolder and more observant.
“Yeah. Morgan got her sex change and Laura and Natasha are back with her. I assume that she, sorry, he is off to get the rest of his old girlfriends and they’ll have a gang bang or something. I just found out that my best friend has dumped me for a replacement. Well, I should have expected this. You do run sixty-forty. I couldn’t expect to last long. I was an experiment, right? Tell me that I was because that would make me feel much better. That way I wouldn’t feel played. That way I could actually go on living instead of having to go commit suicide. That way I could still find the pieces of my heart and it wouldn’t just be dust that could be scattered to the four winds and lost forever. Please. Even if you have to lie to me, tell me that I meant something, even if you didn’t mean for it to last for a long time, like you told me that you wanted it to.” Kat was pleading at this point, but that didn’t matter to her.
“Kat, I –”
Kat was gone before she could hear what Autumn had to say. She was in her dorm and in front of her computer before she realized that she had moved.
As the reality of the situation crashed down upon her, Kat realized that she was not alone. Maria had moved over to the couch that she was sitting on, removed the mug of coffee from her hands, and had wrapped her arms around her.
“I’m sorry.”
Kat jumped. “What for?”
“For everything that you have gone through.”
It was then that Kat realized that she had told the whole story to Maria. Kat thought that she had only been thinking about it, but she had actually told it to Maria. Why didn’t Maria hate her? Why was she holding her instead of moving as far away from her as she could get?
“Shh. It’s okay.” For some reason, Kat believed her. “You’ll find the right man someday.” Kat frowned.
“But I’m bisexual. Couldn’t I find a woman?”
“Exactly.” Kat’s brows creased in confusion. Maria smiled in return. “You’re like me. You’re waiting for the right man, be that man a man or a woman.” Maria giggled.
Suddenly, comprehension dawned on Kat. Maria was right. Even if things don’t always work out right and you don’t find the right person right away, they are out there somewhere. Daron had been right to suggest for her to look up the lyrics to that one song because: ‘I had to fall to lose it all, but in the end, it doesn’t even matter.’
Kat drifted off to sleep on the couch and had a pleasantly dreamless sleep.
***************
Kat woke to the sound of her roommate, Jessica, and her guest shuffling around in the kitchen.
“Jessica, what is that supposed to be? It looks like canned cat food.”
“Well let’s see you cook, Vicky!”
Kat rolled her eyes. “Okay, okay, I’m up. I’ll cook breakfast.”
Kat’s roommate looked warily at her. Kat never offered to cook.
“You sure are in a chipper mood, Kat,” Victoria stated. Kat just smiled, pushing the blanket off of herself and standing from her place on the couch. She had been sleeping there often since her talk with Maria.
“Oh, you’re to greet our new roommates today. They want to meet with you out front in an hour,” Jessica said, scooting out of the kitchen so that Kat could take her place.
“Who are they?” Kat inquired, mentally noting that it was August 7th, the day for transfers to arrive.
“I don’t know. They didn’t leave their names or anything.” Kat shrugged. Typical of transfers to be so secretive.
“Oh, by the way Jessica, if Maria calls, tell her that I don’t want to go on any more dates with any man that she suggests. I can take care of myself.” Kat smiled to herself. Ever since Maria graduated last year, she had been setting Kat up on blind dates with any man or woman that she thought Kat would like.
Kat smiled at the thought. She had been on a date last week with a fine gentleman that Maria had suggested she go out with. They had gone to a nice restaurant for dinner and then had walked through the park and talked. Kat had enjoyed herself, but something had been bothering her all evening. When she broached the topic with him, he had become nervous and shy. Kat had smiled at this. She had been right. He was just too girly for her taste: he was gay. Kat had teased him about it for the rest of the evening. When they had gone their separate ways that evening, she said that she had a wonderful time. She also mentioned that she would like to go on a double date with him sometime, him with his boyfriend, and her with, well, someone.
Kat shook the memory away. Maria had good intentions, but Kat would have to tell her to inquire about the sexual preference of the person that she was sending over as a ‘blind’ date.
Ten minutes later, Kat had hash browns, eggs, sausage, and bacon cooking on the stove and Vicky was fawning over her.
“Wow. Jessica, you should take cooking lessons from Kat.” Kat rolled her eyes.
“Jessica,” Kat said in the same high-pitched voice that Vicky had used, “Will you please restrain your dog. Anything that she drools on you will have to eat and, so far, that is most of the food and my pajamas.”
Jessica and Vicky blushed and Vicky took a seat next to Jessica at the table. Kat just laughed to herself.
Forty-five minutes later, Kat was ready to go. Everyone was fed, the dishes were washed, the rest of the dorm was clean and Jessica had gone to take Vicky home and wouldn’t be back for a few hours.
“Presentable,” Kat said, checking to make sure that she looked okay. She was wearing a purple silk dress shirt, black dress slacks, and black dress boots.
She chose to take the stairs down and arrived at the bottom with one minute to spare. Kat checked her watch. Thirty seconds to go. Twenty. Ten. Five. Three. Two. One. Zero.
Kat’s head jerked up as she heard a familiar whistle. It came again and Kat identified it as coming from around the corner. Curiosity getting the better of her, Kat went to investigate.
Seven people were leaning against a tree no more than twenty feet away from her: five women and two men. Two women stood out to Kat. One was about five foot three with spiky pink hair, a Jack Off Jill t-shirt, a flannel over shirt, baggy black pants, and plain black shoes. The other was about five foot seven, Kat’s height, had brown shoulder-length hair, and wore a baggy, pink Twins t-shirt, gray wind pants, and black shoes with hot pink laces.
Kat’s heart nearly stopped. She was hallucinating. She hadn’t seen these people in over a year and this is not what they looked like then. She was a he and she had him. Something didn’t make sense though Kat’s brain couldn’t come up with what it was.
It was then that she looked at the other five people. Kat virtually fainted. The women were Natasha, Laura, and an exact replica of Autumn. The men were Daron and Brian. Kat’s mind was working frantically to put the pieces together as the two previous women walked over to Kat and hugged her together.
“We’re sorry. We only did that to get our point across.” Kat went to pull away, but they held her tight.
“We asked Maria to help us. She was the head of the drama club and helped us train actors –”
“– and actresses to help us show you the way that things could be. A way that is worse than they are now.”
Kat understood. The scene from last year was just stage actors and actresses. The other people were those actors and actresses. They weren’t Natasha, Laura, or Brian. And these two had helped train them to react the way that they did to get a point across.
“I hope you know that I want to kill you two right now,” Kat said, unconvincingly.
“Yeah,” they replied.
Autumn pulled back. “We just figured that since you hadn’t fallen for any of the people that Maria had set up dates with for you…” She trailed off. Morgan pulled back and nodded in agreement.
“…we thought that you might be willing to take us back.”
Kat pulled the two back to her. “I love you two so much. I couldn’t get over you that easily.” Pushing the two away from her, Kat messed up their hair in turn. “Please tell me that you two are not my new roommates.”
Morgan smiled. “Guilty as charged.” Kat turned to Autumn and she nodded.
Kat rolled her eyes. “What am I going to do with you two?”
Morgan glanced at Autumn and her grin widened. “I can think of a few things.”
Kat pulled Morgan into a chock-hold. “After you unpack.” She let Morgan go. “That goes for you too,” she said, doing the same to Autumn.
“Oh,” said Morgan, “there is one more thing…”
Kat smiled. “Wait, don’t tell me… You each have someone to introduce me to, right?”
They smiled. Glancing up, Kat beckoned the two men over.
“Now, let me introduce myself properly. My name it Katherine, but you may call me Kat,” Kat said shaking each man’s hand in turn.
“And this is –”
“I know who this is, Morgan. I only share most of my classes with him. I’m just surprised that you would do this to me, Quinn.”
He smiled. “How did you know it was me, Kat?”
“I knew there was something about ‘Daron’ that I couldn’t place. You just didn’t quite fit the profile. Plus, your voice is back to the way that it always is. I didn’t know you were in theater. Why did you do it?”
Quinn smiled, removing his sunglasses. “Well, Kat, when they told what they were up to, I couldn’t refuse. You know I would do anything to play a practical joke on you, though I didn’t realize that it would go that far. I’m sorry.”
Kat just waved it off. “Yeah, yeah. You do realize that I will get you back, right? You do look pretty hot dressed as ‘Daron’, though.”
“Hey! No hitting on my man!” Morgan laughed. “You already have two people to yourself, let me have one.”
“Yeah, but you are one of those two people, so that means that you aren’t mine alone.” Kat cuffed Morgan lightly on the head and dodged the punch that came back at her. Still laughing, Kat turned to the other man.
“And Ryan, you better treat Autumn right. If you aren’t, you will have me and Morgan, and probably Quinn to deal with,” Kat said, hugging Autumn close.
“Yes, I know. I had to lie when I ‘met’ you last. Autumn had told me about your relationship back in high school.” Kat nodded.
“That’s perfectly understandable. I learned my lesson.”
“How do you two know each other?” Autumn asked.
Ryan smiled, pulling Autumn to him. “We were lab partners in Chemistry and worked together a lot in Math 101.”
Kat looked at the three women still standing a ways away. “And you three. You had me. Except for you,” Kat said pointing at the woman dressed as Autumn, “I didn’t think that Autumn would ever become a red-head. That is the only reason that I was really confused.” The girl smiled and the three took their leave.
“Well, I have to get these two settled in, but you two are welcome to join us,” Kat said placing an arm around her two friends and leading them into the building.
Two hours later, they were unpacked, settled in, and sitting in front of the television watching a show that Kat hadn’t paid any attention to. Quinn and Morgan were curled up on one couch and Autumn and Ryan were on the other. Kat had chosen a chair and Jessica had yet to return.
“You know,” she said, drawing attention to herself. “I love you two,” She gestured to the two women, “and you two seem happy here. I’ll see you later.”
Autumn frowned and opened her mouth in protest, but Kat cut her off.
“I know what you are going to say, Autumn. I don’t mind. Now I know what you two went through, though I sort of got the picture from Morgan way back when. I’ll leave you here to, well, relax. Be sure that they actually leave before you two go to bed, though.”
“Hey.” Kat stopped and glanced back at Morgan’s outburst.
“Look, it’s fine. It will just… take a little getting used to,” Kat said, tears coming to her eyes. Opening the door to her private room, Kat through her final answer over her shoulder, “If you two do that ever again, I will seriously harm you.”
Kat shut the door to her private dorm room and sighed. It had been a long day and she needed to relax. She turned to her laptop and long time friend.
“It’s just you and me now. I’m not going to ruin what they have found. I only happen to make it worse. It’s time that I stop doing that.”
She sat down and booted up her computer. She gave an ironic smile at the welcome screen. It had been after that day when she had last realized that her computer always greeted her nicely. It didn’t matter what mood she was in, it just did it.
Pulling up a saved word document, Kat read the last words of the story that she had written. They read:
It began to rain again, and they both dashed toward the building, giggling and clutching the grocery bags full of goodies. He's about to open the door, but she grabs his bicep with her free hand and spun him around, pushing him up against the brick. Her lips found his.
“We haven't finished this," she rasped in his ear.
Kat smiled. The girl in the story was right it wasn’t finished, it would never be finished. She placed the gun she carried with her in the drawer of the bedside table. Time kept on flowing. It would never stand still; it would never rewind. Time was never ending. There was nothing that anyone could do about it.
Kat placed her fingers on the keys of her laptop and typed her closing lines. It was an author’s note. It read:
I have destroyed what I once had. No matter what I try to do, I always destroy what I find I need. Everyone knows about my life now. This is my life. At least, most of it is. It isn’t about to change. You cannot change the past. Even if you could, you would change all the things that you had ever gone through. What is really worth it? Life is about making those that you care about happy. Your feelings do not matter. This is only my perception. You create your own. I cannot make you into anyone that you are not, but I can make you part of me. You have read my work and now know the life of a person who is lost. I shall find myself someday. I don’t know when that day will be, but it will come. Time is never ending. Do what you can with what time you have left.
Kat clicked ‘Save’ and powered down the computer. Checking the clock, Kat crawled into bed. It had taken a long time, but things were finally right again. Yet, she still felt all alone.
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