so much to say but so little words come to mind... so much to tell but yet so much to keep inside. I have finally found a place to relax and just be, me... its rather nice actually. no one to really judge what you have to say... Its my life, my story, and I finally have a place to put it all. Maybe it will eventually even out and make some sense... Maybe it won't.. who knows, who cares? Its something nice to have found. Its a "hidden" santuary for me. some place to put my thoughts and not have to worry about anyone finding them and thinking I am crazy.lol. a carnie never has a "home" we are gypsy passing in the night, kinda like my entire life, its passed me before my eyes. I finally found a rather relaxed placed to be for me. I truly must thank my mate, my love for sharing this with me.. this was "his" santuary, but he convinced me to come here and try it, and I must admit it feels good to be free, even if it means crying at a computer screen at four in the morning for no reason except your mind has soo much flying through it that you can't make sense of it and here, here is a place to put those thoughts to use finally. Let the sadness and darkness out... Share the fun and love of the amusement industry, as crazy as that may seem... but here I have found it. a place to just be.
So many people often ask me how I ended up being a "carnie" and its actually quite a funny story.. so I guess I should give a basis for it..Well, I was 13 years old (yes 13, your not reading it wrong) and I "fell" in love with this boy, he was a "carnie", so I started off by following him out there, in the summer and with his parents who worked out there as well, well, five seasons came and went (five years), and he just realized that 5 days before I turned 18, that I wasn't good enough for him anymore, this was supposed to be my first "full" season out on the road. He told me that I would never make it without him. I proved him wrong. I took a few days, partied.. and then stumbled, literally, across the best job offer any 18 year old could get. One of the most prestigous owners on the show needed a "filler" (basically someone for a day that could be possibly used in the future), well, I did so well on my first day in a water game, now mind you, water games are not normal games, they are computerized, they do require some thought process when you have no clue what you are doing, make sure to press the start button, the bell, and at the same time forget about the fact that every word coming out of your mouth is on a mic...I had worked in darts, ballons, skee-ball, break-a-bottle, duck ponds, but this was different. This was a total rush.. It was amazing. I ended up actually working the weekend for this family, and when I went to get paid for two days of work, it was about 18 hours or less, he paid me $300.00 cash. now this was years ago, I was still in high school... who pays a kid, that kind of money??? well they did.. He must have seen the shock on my face because right then and there I signed my contract for them, and took a full season job working in their water games.. I moved rides on the side, but that was for extra money, I didn't need it, but I wanted it.. I loved it. Kids at school always made wise cracks at me, but when the money started really rolling in it was sweet.. It was nice to give them a big "FUCK YOU" when I graduated. I graduated on a Friday, I moved out of my moms that saterday, and haven't looked back......I still work for the same person. I get paid very well, but there was blood (literally), sweat, and tears, that put me where I am. I am not concieted out there, I am convinced, I have broken records, done numbers that were never expected, turned something out of nothing..and I have someone who told me that I wasn't worth it, who is now nowhere to be found, and I am a manager out there, with lots of cozy perks..
So expect to hear more about the carnival world. Its my inner peace.
COMMENTS
Looking forward to hearing your memories. They are very interesting and inspirational.
That is the life, I was Green help the first time out, I handled Pig Iron, and then set-up and operated Winky the Whale, some years later I was invited back to the same lot (same show) to work with my Dad, in the Ballon Darts, I T.A.ed the first day.
So death doesn't bother me. In fact, I don't even know if it scares me, I know the fact of leaveing my children, and my fiance behind would be sad, but death just doesn't faze me for some reason. I actually got to figure that reason out the other day, see when I was six years old, and my baby sister was born, that night my grandfather passed away, and my father, who, I can NOT stand but thats besides the point, brings me, a six year old, to my grand-parents house, where, the cornor is just arriveing, and my uncles are all on the department, so they are all there, mind you my grand-father passed in his sleep, and this was about 8 or so hours later, I remember sitting there watching them put him on the gurney, in a body bag, and my grand-mother, (who had nothing but my grand-father to live for seeings how she was barely alive and passed shortly after he did) screaming "he's not dead, bring him back" over and over. From the time that I can remember there was always someone dyeing. Just another dress to wear, just another time to be shooed away for the adults to do whatever they did, I didn't even know, I don't even remember crying when my grand-father died, I remember it rained that day, and I remembered that my feet were cold, I had black patent leather dress shoes on, and there was a puddle between the limo and sidewalk and I was too small and stepped in it on accident, and got in trouble, because I was wet. My baby sister wasn't even days old, and she was going to her first funeral. My older brother and sister were teenagers and I don't even remember them being there, I don't remember anything else about that day, except my feet were cold, and it was raining.
That was twenty years ago this year, and I can't believe that I have let myself get this numb.
I don't go to funerals anymore if I can help it. I try not to. I try not to let it get to me, death. The foreverness of it. I don't really react to it. I am actual probally to tell people that someone has died, because I wouldn't be shocked, its almost like I half expect it. Everyone dies, its just like who is it this time. I try to not let it bother me, but I bet somewhere inside it does and I just don't know it yet.
COMMENTS
That gave me goose bumps. I could almost picture the whole setting. The memory is an odd thing, isn't it?
I am here for meeting new people, I love to travel and have been doing it with my job for many years. I have been on the road as a carnie since a very young age. If anyone has any questions, feel free to message me and ask. I am an open book and love to talk about places I have been.
I have several tattoos and my tongue pierced. I love getting tattoos done. I have paid the cost on the road to be the " boss" that is how I have earned the nickname "BossLady".
My favorite number is 13. I was born on the 13. I was also born in room 313 at 3:13 am. and was the 3rd delivery of the day. 13 seems to be my lucky number. Or anything divisible by 2 or such as 26 ( 2 divide 13 is 26 ) all my kids are surrounded by that number and I met the man of my dreams on the 13th and we started dating 13 days later..
I am here to meet friends and new people, I am not here to "mate" so to speak, I have already found the love of my life. I am open and honest and have an open mind so feel free to talk to me. :)
COMMENTS
Glad I met ya!
Not quite as 13ish...but
I was born 02/22 at 02:22 am. But that's it :) Don't know the room number or the number of births occurring between midnight and 2:22 :) And of course..my lucky numbers? 3 and 7. Go figure!
COMMENTS
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VAMPIREBONNIE
03:23 Feb 25 2009
This is a good place "to just be".